Dom/Sub relationships.


#6786880 Posted on: 08/21/10 at 7:26pm
apricot
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I've recently become curious about dom/sub relationships, I've always thought it would be an interesting experience being someone' "pet". I was curious about what the people of subeta think about these sort of relationships?

Do you think it's wrong for someone to be considered a pet? Is it sick? Dirty? What are your experiences with domination or submission?

:) Debate away.



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#6786884 Posted on: 08/21/10 at 7:43pm



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Ive been someones "pet" before a few times. its.....sortof an abusive thing now that i think about it. I only accepted it when i was being sexually abused also. now that im not, it doesnt seem all that appealing to me. it depends on the dominant..i guess they can be protective or more abusve, and even degrade you. or they could be protective. now that im not being abused anymore i like someone to treat me human and not call me kitten/give me a collar and leash/make me wear it, be protective of me.
it kindof makes me sick to think how much it was a part of my life, because of how weak i was it only felt good if i was a part of someone else. i dont really know how to feel about it.
if you can find someone that wont hurt you or obsess over you, i guess it could be fine. in relationships im just....submissive though. not talking about the dom/sub but im just a submissive type of person, in general.
i dont do it anymore because for me love is not owning someone. and im not looking for a sexual relationship with someone just because theyll do certain things...its kindof tied up in emotional need for me.
im not really sure if youre talking more sexually, or more of a relationship.
@apricot



#6786826 Posted on: 08/21/10 at 8:27pm
SING
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I think for sure you need to specify if you're talking about just a sexual act between people or if the entire relationship is based on one person being dominant.

If it's just a sexual thing, like a foreplay type thing, I really see nothing wrong with that. The only thing is that there needs to be a mutual respect for both people here. There's nothing wrong with being "in character" or whatever, but at long as that submissive person knows that it's just a roleplaying thing and that the dominate person really does love/respect them. I don't see anything wrong with this because everyone has their own sexual fantasies or fetishes, and we really have no right to say what people can and cannot do in the bedroom. I just think there needs to be an open communication between the people and that the submissive person can back out whenever they feel like it, just in case they start to feel uncomfortable.

If you're talking about the entire relationship being led by one dominate person and the submissive person just follows their orders, that's abusive. There's no way around that. There should never be a relationship where one person dictates what one person can and cannot do. A relationship is about sharing the power, working together to make it work. It's an unhealthy relationship and I really can't see an exception to that at all.


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#6786858 Posted on: 08/21/10 at 9:03pm
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Quote By @SING:


If you're talking about the entire relationship being led by one dominate person and the submissive person just follows their orders, that's abusive. There's no way around that. There should never be a relationship where one person dictates what one person can and cannot do. A relationship is about sharing the power, working together to make it work. It's an unhealthy relationship and I really can't see an exception to that at all.


I disasgree. I don't speak from experience, but I've heard of a lot of relationships where the sub/dom "kink", if you will, is applied in everyday life consensually i.e., the sub can refuse to do something the dom tells theym to, but generally they wouldn't, because they like to do stuff for the dom. I've heard a saying which is "SSC, Safe, Sane, Consensual", which basically means that the relationship must be safe (no extreme bodily harm/emotional harm involved) sane (nothing stupid) and consensual (does what is says on the tin) and if the relationship doesn't fit these three criteria, it's not a sub/dom relationship, it's just abuse.

And yeah, of course, in a sexual way it's fine, as long as no one's getting hurt.



#6786828 Posted on: 08/22/10 at 2:11pm
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Anyone who would do that for the entirety of their relationship clearly has some issues, a lot of issues. It's not a remotely healthy way to live for the sub nor the dom.

Even though my boyfriend and I are interested in the BDSM (I know it's not the same as this but it's related) scene, we think the whole role play aspect is just too weird to take seriously, it makes us laugh.



#6786864 Posted on: 08/23/10 at 3:05am
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Quote By @Dandelina:

we think the whole role play aspect is just too weird to take seriously, it makes us laugh.


I feel the same. Don't people feel incredibly silly calling their partner "pet" or "master" or whatever? I'm GGG but I'm not sure if I could do such a ridiculous roleplay without cracking up, even just in a temporary sex-specific context, let alone a whole relationship.

Anyway, I think every consenting adult is free to be in whatever kind of relationship they choose, even if it's harmful or abusive (and I'm not saying dom/sub relationships necessarily are). If you like the abuse, I think you need help, but people in situations like that need to want to be helped before they can get help. So... whatever floats (or willingly crashes) your boat?



#6786837 Posted on: 08/30/10 at 12:29pm
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I'm submissive and my man is dominate. I might hint that I want to end up in bed by playfully saying submissive things. Sometimes it turns me on extremely when he hints at really dominate things.
If I told him I hated to be dominated he would never say dominate things, because he knows I hate it. But since I love it a lot he says it in daily life to when HE hints he wants to get it on or when he wants to turn me on.
Since I know he doesn't mean it when he tells me something sexist like "Girls can't win, you'll never beat me" I get turned on, but if I didn't know him I'd punch the loveer in the face.
I'm just extremely submissive and any dominate thing he says to me turns me on. To the point where I want to rip my clothes off and jump on him right then and there.
If I knew he was being serious and being sexist I would say "Hey dude I don't find that hot, cut the crap now, I like being submissive but I won't literally be your loveing slave."

I guess it depends on how far you are into submission. You might like a 'little' dominance such as rough 'handiwork' or him being a bit rough or you might like it when he rips your hair and drags you around defiling you by spitting on you and other crap. Just tastes I guess :V



#6786842 Posted on: 08/30/10 at 7:26pm
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Whatever works for you.

I'm not much for the extreme sides of the behavior- Attack play and the like. But a lot of people enjoy one of these two roles to some extent. I'm more submissive than dominate...I don't really like making decisions, and I don't like having to tell someone what I want done. So having someone be a bit dominate with me is nice- I hate being asked "Would you like to have sex".



#6786885 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 2:13pm
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I am submissive and have been in a few D/s relationships. None of them ever extended into full 24/7 play, but there was a definitely power exchange between the two of us. I don't see anything wrong with it because I have experienced it and know that it is a perfectly fine way to live. However, there are people "on the outside" that will never understand and it can be difficult to deal with them, especially if you wear a symbol of your submission to your Dominant publicly. I had a collar in one relationship and I wore a dark ribbon in another, until I lost the ribbon. I put these things on every day and had plenty of questions asked about it. People don't always like the answer. In my experience, it was a relationship that I was really happy with. I am at my best when I am submitting myself to someone else, but it gets really hard when you constantly have to defend your relationship. I have had vanilla relationships too, and those just don't work for me. I always feel like something is missing and try to submit quietly.

The biggest thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to submit yourself to someone else. There is a very fine line between BDSM and abuse and you have to stay on top of things and make sure you are heard. It isn't just about the Dominant. The submissive plays a very important role in all of this too, and there needs to be serious discussion before stepping into a relationship like this. I would be more than happy to share more of my experiences and give a few good resources if you are interested.

@apricot



#6786886 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 4:23pm
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I am currently a sub to a wonderful mistress. I consent to everything we do and I have a voice about things that make me uncomfortable. When I say I have a hard limit, we talk about why and some are pushed and some are not. I feel totally at ease with her and am her pet. I know I can come to her if I need something. She is my best friend and someone who loves me. I agree, there is a fine line between D/s and abuse. It is a line that is different for everyone. For example, a slave may have no say, and I have no right to judge that.

The sub serves the dom because they want to, not because they have to.



#6786867 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 4:38pm
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Quote By @Caduceus:

The sub serves the dom because they want to, not because they have to.

These are my feelings on the matter also. I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of D/s play, a sub calling the dominant person 'master', 'sir', ect, nor the sub doing as they're told for the dom also, as long as both of them are okay with it, and there is a safe word or something that lets both parties know when things are going too far.

I do however think that this should go alongside a loving, trusting relationship to work best, because behind all the play, there is, deep down, care there, and the knowledge for both people that the submissive partner would never truly be in any danger. Some people's roleplay goes further than others, but at the end of the day as long as both parties are enjoying it/aren't doing it because they're forced to, I don't have a single issue with it.

Quote By shykitten:
Ive been someones "pet" before a few times. its.....sortof an abusive thing now that i think about it.

I disagree; I think it can be a very loving thing. My boyfriend and I have done it many times (in the bedroom mind, not every day, all day.) However, I did read the rest of your post and I understand that if you associate that kind of roleplay with sexual abuse, then there is no wonder it does not at all appeal to you.

Quote By ZombieMama:
I am at my best when I am submitting myself to someone else... I have had vanilla relationships too, and those just don't work for me. I always feel like something is missing and try to submit quietly.


I am the same. I'm not at all a naturally dominant person; I can take charge in some things, but definitely not in the bedroom. I'd much rather submit there, and it can make it difficult sometimes, because I had a boyfriend in the past who could not understand why I wanted to feel like I was being 'owned' and 'protected' by wearing a collar or other such. I could see in one way his reasoning, but the relationship had to end because we couldn't come to an agreement that met even halfway, causing unhappiness for us both. ^_^;




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#6786846 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 6:33pm



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@SEA I was talking in the extreme way that i used to be apart of it with someone. I have a dom/sub relationship with my boyfriend, i just meant to the extent i was doing it. That appeals to me. what doesn't, is when i was doing it every day and the dominant part and the submissive parts were exaggerated beyond what most do.



#6786875 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 6:39pm
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@shykitten
Ahh, I see...I can understand that. I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation, but I'm glad that you aren't in that place any more. :(




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#6786890 Posted on: 09/7/10 at 6:42pm



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@SEA aww, thank you. Im glad too. the person i was with in the end started to repulse me to the point i didnt even want to do sexual things with them, so i would pretty much pretend to make them happy. ugh, Im so glad im out of it, never going back there. c:



#6786894 Posted on: 09/13/10 at 9:04pm
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I think if the two people consent,and the Dom knows the Subs limits,and respects them then its fine.

Ive been someone Mistress before