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C R E A T E A D |
So my fiance cheated on me...
| #1 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 2:48 PM | |
 Genocideis Darksided!    1,080 Posts 420 Achievements  
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 with someone I thought was one of my best friends. It was just kissing, I know... but I still consider that cheating. Because kissing is so intimate. and with our situation... we have a 7-month-old daughter. And he's going behind my back kissing a 16-year-old girl. (We're both 18) And I don't wanna hear about how we're too young to have a kid. I know that. I've heard it from a million different sources. The problem is the cheating. I'm gonna give him a second chance. I have to. I mean, I do love him more than anything. But it's gonna be really hard to get past this. What should I do? Art by |
| #2 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 2:59 PM | |
| DRAMATIC Made a Living  3,322 Posts 634 Achievements |
I don't think I could give him a second chance. I guess I wouldn't want it to be in the back of my head is he going to cheat again. I think the trust is gone. But then again you have a child to think about. I don't think I helped much. |
| #3 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:08 PM | |
| AVENGER Is a Survivor  1,217 Posts 367 Achievements |
Aw man, that is dicey. I'm so sorry to hear that. My boyfriend's friend is a young father and his girlfriend cheated on him many times. The sad part about his story was that he was forced to support her for some time until she found a new boyfriend and moved away, basically leaving him alone with his daughter. If anything, I would try to salvage what you have. I think as long as it was a kiss, it can be forgiven, but anything more than that might be a red light. Definitely delay marriage for a few years to allow yourselves to mature; he might change. If he goes beyond kissing and if suspicious behaviour continues, I'd think about breaking up. Just try to remind him how important it is for your child. There's nothing more painful than seeing a struggling single parent. I wish you the best, I really do.
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| #4 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:18 PM | |
| SING is a SUPER USER!!!  7,322 Posts 391 Achievements |
Maybe if you have the money, try some therapy? It might do you guys both some good by getting a chance to talk about stuff.
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I got your back Jack, doges be crazy.
| #5 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:19 PM | |
Newbie  0 Posts 168 Achievements |
He's still at that age where girls and romance (in majority) is what he's after. He may love you, sure. But at 18 I really don't think he's ready for a commited relationship, after all, he kissed a girl and he liked it. Well, good luck with your problem. I really say being married at that age is gonna put alot of stress on him, too. and he'll probably might still not understand "I'm responsible for someones kid. I'm married now." I'm just saying. I'm not going to really throw out any positive ideas, because, well, i don't know you nor your personality so there could be things about you making him want to cheat, etc, so all I say is good luck. Nottrying to be rude, but I mean, we're getting ONE side of this ~story~ I'd rather get both sides, or none at all. People on the internet can't help you, nor really feel bad you you. grab life by the balls and go out and tell 'im what you think, not us. Because /we/ arent the ones who smooched some chick. WHo knows, he could've been with her before you, seeing you secretly, and only marrying you due to feeling like a Richard if he didn't. It's probably more for the kids sake than for you, tbh. I mean, if he's out lickin' lips with another chick. That shows what kind of man he is right there. A young, naive one not ready to jump into a serious relationship. Last Edit by: User not found (1): UNLEASHED 3/09/10 - 3:30:06 pm
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| #6 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:24 PM | |
| Genocide is Darksided! 1,080 Posts 420 Achievements |
@sing- we have no money. DX My mom is my theattacker.  @christmas- I understand your views, but... we were each other's first for everything. I kind of think he might have just been curious. @Alpha- I know. We were planning on getting married after I go to college anyways, so it will be a few years regardless. But I really do wanna try and make it work. @fortyshades- I know. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him fully again... but I'm gonna try for my daughter's sake. And because I really do love him. @unleashed- I do think it's my fault. I have jealousy issues (because of the person he kissed, actually), and... yeah. Last Edit by:
Michiko 3/09/10 - 3:31:58 pmArt by |
| #7 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:30 PM | |
| Belphoebe is FIERCE  2,096 Posts 848 Achievements |
Before you get married, you both need to see a marriage counselor (together), and the cheating needs to be addressed. If you do not resolve your feelings on this before you marry, you will carry it with you and it will fester.
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| #8 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:30 PM | |
| Madison Gets Around  353 Posts 166 Achievements |
  But good luck{Art by Toffee}
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| #9 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:32 PM | |
ren 2,755 Posts 1,147 Achievements |
Has he even admitted he was in the wrong? Does he even seem sorry? Is he sorry it happened or is he sorry you found out (unless he straight-up told you) I wouldn't go back. Yes, you have a child, but I don't think that should ever be a reason to stay with someone. I am glad my parents got divorced when I was young. It saved me from viewing any further arguments and drama that I didn't need. You love him and would never do something like this, right? Obviously you are both on different levels of love because he did do this. (Yeah yeah, just a kiss or kisses) but you have to ask yourself why. Like you've said before, was he just curious? What made him curious? You need answers because this is just going to destroy your relationship in the long run because you know you aren't okay with it. It'll just harp at the back of your mind until you get the reason he did it. |
| #10 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:35 PM | |
| SING is a SUPER USER!!! 7,322 Posts 391 Achievements |
@Michiko I've never personally been cheated on/cheated on anyone but I've had people around me go through it. The best example I can think of is my auntie and her husband. They were married for years and tried so hard to have kids but nothing worked. Eventually they went through the long and expensive process of that in vitro fertilization thing. It took them forever, but eventually she got pregnant and gave birth to two little boys. Shortly after that, she found out he had an affair with a few girls, some on the internet, plus I believe he paid a woman to have sex with him. Even though she was heartbroken and obviously disgusted with him, she decided to take him back, pretty much for the kids sake. It's a bad and a good thing, because it's very obvious that the marriage is forced and awkward and it impacts the kids horribly. The husband (I refuse to call him my uncle) pretty much hides away because my aunt gets pissed off at him for everything. The kids are really attached to the mom, but don't show any interest in the dad at all. It's sad, and sometimes I really believe in my heart the family would be better off without them together. So, I mean, a relationship CAN work out, but it's never going to be the same.
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| #11 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:35 PM | |
Newbie 0 Posts 168 Achievements |
@Michiko
girls, scientifically proven, reach the adult stage faster than guys. So it's not really surprising to see you ready and commited while he wants to do his own thing. I'd just take child support and throw off the marraige, honestly. But that's just me. I don't want to sound sexist and I probably did :/
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| #12 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:37 PM | |
| Genocide is Darksided! 1,080 Posts 420 Achievements |
Nevermind, no loveing second chance for him. Just found out it was only two weeks ago (he said it was longer), and on facebook he messaged her saying he was planning to do it again. love him. I can't loveing do this anymore. He can go to hell for all I care. I am so sick and tired of this crap. I don't know what to do anymore. Art by |
| #13 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:47 PM | |
| Espresso Is a Survivor  4,228 Posts 226 Achievements |
personally i wouldn't take him back, he couldn't last 3 months after your daughter was born, he obviously doesn't care enough about you or her to restain himself from cheating if i was you i'd let him have contact with your daughter, but not a reationship with you |
| #14 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 3:55 PM | |
| JEFF Is the Pumpkin King!  814 Posts 300 Achievements |
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| #15 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 4:02 PM | |
| Daffodil is a Skilled Hooker  6,895 Posts 780 Achievements |
@Michiko
Guys don't just get curious. Especially with your Best friend. Your bf kissing you bff that's just messed up in so many ways. I'd dump her as a friend because BFF's don't do that. It's more complicated with you and your bf because of the baby and everything. But guys don't change and he'll get more "curious". Forgiving him and staying with him will tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal.
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| #16 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 4:06 PM | |
 shatzySubeta Elder  10,764 Posts 992 Achievements |
 you either get over it... or you don't. there isn't any analyzing to do. there WILL BE much more harder bridges to cross in the next 20+ years between the kid you share. if you want to keep him involved in your life on the level that you have right now, then get over it and don't look back. if you want to get all hot and bothered and cause a huge rift in the relationship... then make the drama necessary and follow it through. seriously, at 18... this is peanuts. =/
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| #17 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 4:15 PM | |
skyclad 455 Posts 686 Achievements |
Dump them both, and quick. Coming from someone who suspected her best friend since 13 and her husband of fooling around for 3 years, and couldn't bring herself to break it off. We were 30 at the time, and I wanted a marriage and kids. He wanted my best friend, and stayed with me so he could write and call her when her husband got sent to Germany, so she could say it was me. She came back within the year, and off they went. Later found out her 8 year-old daughter and 5 year old son were his, too. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That goes for the friend, too. She left him 3 times for guys she met on the internet (at 35-40 years old she was still boy-crazy). People who use you and get away with it will continue to use you. And don't say stay together for the child. My dad cheated constantly on my mom from the time they were married 2 months (they were 25 when they married) until he had his stroke 45 years later. My sister and I knew it even in grade school, even though mom didn't tell us and despised him for it. We would have had a better relationship with him if our parents had divorced and he wasn't constantly causing my mom to be heartbroken over and over and over....at least 15 girlfriends in 45 years. Last Edit by:
skyclad 3/09/10 - 4:16:38 pm
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| #18 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 4:24 PM | |
| arcimse Member  38 Posts 88 Achievements |
 well, if it was just one kiss, i think you should forgive him.. but if this is happening mulitiple times, i think it's time to let someone talk with you two about it.. 
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| #19 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 6:48 PM | |
| AVENGER Is a Survivor 1,217 Posts 367 Achievements |
@Michiko
I'm so sorry to hear that! Yep, leave his crapty ass behind. I'd go see a lawyer regarding child support.
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| #20 :: March 9th, 2010 @ 10:35 PM | |
| Xiomara Only has Room for One  1,293 Posts 258 Achievements |
 MichikoI'm thinking that in your situation whether to take him back or not is more complicated since you are a teenage mom. Because in a normal situation, without a kid, you would totally dump him on the spot. Right? Cheating is not tolerated, whether it's sex or kissing. But you have a kid with him. And we have to be honest. Can you image caring for your child all own your own? Because what's the percentage, 60-80% of the teenage dads skip out? Personally I think you need to ask him straight up if he wants to make it work, for yourselves and for your child. And if he does, you need to make sure he understands how much this hurt you. And how hard he's gonna have to work to earn your trust back. Maybe write it all down in a letter and have him read it, that way there's no yelling or arguing. Just words. And then you gotta forgive him, if you're ready, or you will always have trust issues with him. Yeah, I'm done. lol
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| #21 :: March 10th, 2010 @ 5:51 PM | |
| xxSweet_Dreamer Is Melody's Little Helper  2,094 Posts 429 Achievements |
I know you posted this yesterday, and probably already made your decision on whether your staying with him and giving him a second chance or not. (Which, I saw the post where there's no second chance.) Though, I really wanted to post. I'm sincerely sorry to hear that he cheated on you (sure, it was just kissing but that was still cheating because it was with another girl). I hope things are well for you and your daughter though. Here's my story: I was in a relationship for almost 2 years with a guy and all we would do is argue. Mainly because he would accuse me of things and whatnot; not only that but he wouldn't let me talk to my friends and such. It was either him or my friends. Of course, being naive at the time and having a falling out with my friends anyways -- I chose him. We had a baby together and throughout my whole pregnancy, he would accuse me of cheating, and everything. He would argue with me and get me so upset that I cried and cried and couldn't stop. I only saw him twice throughout my pregnancy and its been a year since I heard from him (on January 20th of this year it was a year) and personally, I give up on him. I gave up and left him (even if he doesn't know it because he hasn't called nor written). Not only that, but he had lied to me about numerous of things. I didn't even think about it; because once I found that out I wasn't going to give him no more chances (I've given him to many chances before and I wasn't going to give him anymore because I didn't want to get hurt no more). Not only that, but since I've left him, I've been a lot happier and found someone who truly cares about me. And a few of my friends talk to me more now than they did when I was with him. Plus, my son and I are better off without him. My son looks up to me as his mother and father right now and that's the great thing. Because I've been there for my son and his father hasn't -- I've witnessed him crawling, walking, etc. NOT his father. And I'll always will cherish the memories I have with my son. Personally, I don't think you should give him a second chance. Especially when there's a child involved. You need to think about your daughter and yourself and whats better for you all. Staying together with him just for your baby girl means when she gets older, and you two get into an argue or something happens like this again; she'll remember it. And trust me, arguing and such in front of children isn't a good thing. So, think of your daughter and yourself; what YOU TWO deserve. You two deserve happiness and love; from someone who truly loves you and won't go out and kiss some other girl. There are many good guys out there; they're just hard to find sometimes. So, stay strong. Don't let this get you down. Life often throws us fastballs. Not only that but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Hope this helped some. I hope all turns out well though and if you ever need someone to talk to; I'm here for you. Mainly because I know whats its like to be a young mom and have things thrown at you left and right and haven't a clue what to do. So, feel free to comment or sMail me; especially if you just want someone to talk to/rant to about things. I'm a great listener and I'm quite understanding as well. ♥
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| #22 :: March 10th, 2010 @ 7:57 PM | |
| Lexxy Only has Room for One  176 Posts 156 Achievements |
This is all too common with teenage parents and the best thing for the baby is to actually make your life, as her mum, easier. 
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| #23 :: March 10th, 2010 @ 8:07 PM | |
Only has Room for One  384 Posts 287 Achievements |
You're better without him. It will be hard but you must move on, you have your daughter now so be the best you can for her and be glad that you've got out of it now rather than screwing up your lives later on. Good luck with everything!! <3
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| #24 :: March 10th, 2010 @ 9:10 PM | |
| Mieke is fashionable  13,107 Posts 1,054 Achievements |
 @Michiko I'm really sorry to hear that. I had my first daughter at 18 as well (but ended up marrying the guy before she was born, anyway, we were engaged). I can't imagine staying wtih him though, no matter how much I loved him, if something like that happened. You're young, and he'll be around for the rest of your life, or your childs, but he doesn't have to be the one you stay in love with. It'll be hard to date, but I wouldn't stay together for the kid. That's kind of setting yourself up for a fall, and they KNOW when somethings wrong. I know you already said you weren't going to, but good luck with whatever you end up doing. Feel free to comment, if you ever need someone to talk to! 
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| #25 :: March 10th, 2010 @ 9:42 PM | |
| Genocide is Darksided! 1,080 Posts 420 Achievements |
Sadly... I did give him a second chance. I know it goes against everything you guys told me (and what I even said), but... I just couldn't let it end like that. And yes, he seems sincere. He's staying away from temptation. He was being stupid, and now he realizes how close he cam to losing me. I just hope I made the right choice. Art by |
| #26 :: March 11th, 2010 @ 4:32 PM | |
| Nightwing is a DANCING QUEEN  5,392 Posts 811 Achievements |
 I do think it's good that you're giving him a second chance. I think that if a couple loves each other, then they can get through something like this. I hope it works out for you.  ♥ tumblr | art ping | credit | style file | chic |
| #27 :: March 11th, 2010 @ 5:35 PM | |
| piano Gets Around  6,488 Posts 534 Achievements |
I vote you kick him in the balls.
c:
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| #28 :: March 12th, 2010 @ 7:38 PM | |
| DarkMisty_Waterfall Gossiper  1,295 Posts 498 Achievements |
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