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Dom/Sub relationships.
#1 :: August 21st, 2010 @ 7:26 PM
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I've recently become curious about dom/sub relationships, I've always thought it would be an interesting experience being someone' "pet". I was curious about what the people of subeta think about these sort of relationships?

Do you think it's wrong for someone to be considered a pet? Is it sick? Dirty? What are your experiences with domination or submission?

:) Debate away.


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#2 :: August 21st, 2010 @ 7:43 PM
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Ive been someones "pet" before a few times. its.....sortof an abusive thing now that i think about it. I only accepted it when i was being sexually abused also. now that im not, it doesnt seem all that appealing to me. it depends on the dominant..i guess they can be protective or more abusve, and even degrade you. or they could be protective. now that im not being abused anymore i like someone to treat me human and not call me kitten/give me a collar and leash/make me wear it, be protective of me.
it kindof makes me sick to think how much it was a part of my life, because of how weak i was it only felt good if i was a part of someone else. i dont really know how to feel about it.
if you can find someone that wont hurt you or obsess over you, i guess it could be fine. in relationships im just....submissive though. not talking about the dom/sub but im just a submissive type of person, in general.
i dont do it anymore because for me love is not owning someone. and im not looking for a sexual relationship with someone just because theyll do certain things...its kindof tied up in emotional need for me.
im not really sure if youre talking more sexually, or more of a relationship.
@apricot


#3 :: August 21st, 2010 @ 8:27 PM
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I think for sure you need to specify if you're talking about just a sexual act between people or if the entire relationship is based on one person being dominant.

If it's just a sexual thing, like a foreplay type thing, I really see nothing wrong with that. The only thing is that there needs to be a mutual respect for both people here. There's nothing wrong with being "in character" or whatever, but at long as that submissive person knows that it's just a roleplaying thing and that the dominate person really does love/respect them. I don't see anything wrong with this because everyone has their own sexual fantasies or fetishes, and we really have no right to say what people can and cannot do in the bedroom. I just think there needs to be an open communication between the people and that the submissive person can back out whenever they feel like it, just in case they start to feel uncomfortable.

If you're talking about the entire relationship being led by one dominate person and the submissive person just follows their orders, that's abusive. There's no way around that. There should never be a relationship where one person dictates what one person can and cannot do. A relationship is about sharing the power, working together to make it work. It's an unhealthy relationship and I really can't see an exception to that at all.

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#4 :: August 21st, 2010 @ 9:03 PM
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Quote By @SING:

If you're talking about the entire relationship being led by one dominate person and the submissive person just follows their orders, that's abusive. There's no way around that. There should never be a relationship where one person dictates what one person can and cannot do. A relationship is about sharing the power, working together to make it work. It's an unhealthy relationship and I really can't see an exception to that at all.


I disasgree. I don't speak from experience, but I've heard of a lot of relationships where the sub/dom "kink", if you will, is applied in everyday life consensually i.e., the sub can refuse to do something the dom tells theym to, but generally they wouldn't, because they like to do stuff for the dom. I've heard a saying which is "SSC, Safe, Sane, Consensual", which basically means that the relationship must be safe (no extreme bodily harm/emotional harm involved) sane (nothing stupid) and consensual (does what is says on the tin) and if the relationship doesn't fit these three criteria, it's not a sub/dom relationship, it's just abuse.

And yeah, of course, in a sexual way it's fine, as long as no one's getting hurt.


#5 :: August 22nd, 2010 @ 2:11 PM
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Anyone who would do that for the entirety of their relationship clearly has some issues, a lot of issues. It's not a remotely healthy way to live for the sub nor the dom.

Even though my boyfriend and I are interested in the BDSM (I know it's not the same as this but it's related) scene, we think the whole role play aspect is just too weird to take seriously, it makes us laugh.



#6 :: August 23rd, 2010 @ 3:05 AM
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Quote By @Dandelina:
we think the whole role play aspect is just too weird to take seriously, it makes us laugh.


I feel the same. Don't people feel incredibly silly calling their partner "pet" or "master" or whatever? I'm GGG but I'm not sure if I could do such a ridiculous roleplay without cracking up, even just in a temporary sex-specific context, let alone a whole relationship.

Anyway, I think every consenting adult is free to be in whatever kind of relationship they choose, even if it's harmful or abusive (and I'm not saying dom/sub relationships necessarily are). If you like the abuse, I think you need help, but people in situations like that need to want to be helped before they can get help. So... whatever floats (or willingly crashes) your boat?


#7 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 12:29 PM
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I'm submissive and my man is dominate. I might hint that I want to end up in bed by playfully saying submissive things. Sometimes it turns me on extremely when he hints at really dominate things.
If I told him I hated to be dominated he would never say dominate things, because he knows I hate it. But since I love it a lot he says it in daily life to when HE hints he wants to get it on or when he wants to turn me on.
Since I know he doesn't mean it when he tells me something sexist like "Girls can't win, you'll never beat me" I get turned on, but if I didn't know him I'd punch the loveer in the face.
I'm just extremely submissive and any dominate thing he says to me turns me on. To the point where I want to rip my clothes off and jump on him right then and there.
If I knew he was being serious and being sexist I would say "Hey dude I don't find that hot, cut the crap now, I like being submissive but I won't literally be your loveing slave."

I guess it depends on how far you are into submission. You might like a 'little' dominance such as rough 'handiwork' or him being a bit rough or you might like it when he rips your hair and drags you around defiling you by spitting on you and other crap. Just tastes I guess :V


#8 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 7:26 PM
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Whatever works for you.

I'm not much for the extreme sides of the behavior- Attack play and the like. But a lot of people enjoy one of these two roles to some extent. I'm more submissive than dominate...I don't really like making decisions, and I don't like having to tell someone what I want done. So having someone be a bit dominate with me is nice- I hate being asked "Would you like to have sex".


#9 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 2:13 PM
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I am submissive and have been in a few D/s relationships. None of them ever extended into full 24/7 play, but there was a definitely power exchange between the two of us. I don't see anything wrong with it because I have experienced it and know that it is a perfectly fine way to live. However, there are people "on the outside" that will never understand and it can be difficult to deal with them, especially if you wear a symbol of your submission to your Dominant publicly. I had a collar in one relationship and I wore a dark ribbon in another, until I lost the ribbon. I put these things on every day and had plenty of questions asked about it. People don't always like the answer. In my experience, it was a relationship that I was really happy with. I am at my best when I am submitting myself to someone else, but it gets really hard when you constantly have to defend your relationship. I have had vanilla relationships too, and those just don't work for me. I always feel like something is missing and try to submit quietly.

The biggest thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to submit yourself to someone else. There is a very fine line between BDSM and abuse and you have to stay on top of things and make sure you are heard. It isn't just about the Dominant. The submissive plays a very important role in all of this too, and there needs to be serious discussion before stepping into a relationship like this. I would be more than happy to share more of my experiences and give a few good resources if you are interested.

@apricot


#10 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 4:23 PM
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I am currently a sub to a wonderful mistress. I consent to everything we do and I have a voice about things that make me uncomfortable. When I say I have a hard limit, we talk about why and some are pushed and some are not. I feel totally at ease with her and am her pet. I know I can come to her if I need something. She is my best friend and someone who loves me. I agree, there is a fine line between D/s and abuse. It is a line that is different for everyone. For example, a slave may have no say, and I have no right to judge that.

The sub serves the dom because they want to, not because they have to.


#11 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 4:38 PM
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Quote By @Caduceus:
The sub serves the dom because they want to, not because they have to.

These are my feelings on the matter also. I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of D/s play, a sub calling the dominant person 'master', 'sir', ect, nor the sub doing as they're told for the dom also, as long as both of them are okay with it, and there is a safe word or something that lets both parties know when things are going too far.

I do however think that this should go alongside a loving, trusting relationship to work best, because behind all the play, there is, deep down, care there, and the knowledge for both people that the submissive partner would never truly be in any danger. Some people's roleplay goes further than others, but at the end of the day as long as both parties are enjoying it/aren't doing it because they're forced to, I don't have a single issue with it.

Quote By shykitten:
Ive been someones "pet" before a few times. its.....sortof an abusive thing now that i think about it.

I disagree; I think it can be a very loving thing. My boyfriend and I have done it many times (in the bedroom mind, not every day, all day.) However, I did read the rest of your post and I understand that if you associate that kind of roleplay with sexual abuse, then there is no wonder it does not at all appeal to you.

Quote By ZombieMama:
I am at my best when I am submitting myself to someone else... I have had vanilla relationships too, and those just don't work for me. I always feel like something is missing and try to submit quietly.


I am the same. I'm not at all a naturally dominant person; I can take charge in some things, but definitely not in the bedroom. I'd much rather submit there, and it can make it difficult sometimes, because I had a boyfriend in the past who could not understand why I wanted to feel like I was being 'owned' and 'protected' by wearing a collar or other such. I could see in one way his reasoning, but the relationship had to end because we couldn't come to an agreement that met even halfway, causing unhappiness for us both. ^_^;



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#12 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 6:33 PM
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@SEA I was talking in the extreme way that i used to be apart of it with someone. I have a dom/sub relationship with my boyfriend, i just meant to the extent i was doing it. That appeals to me. what doesn't, is when i was doing it every day and the dominant part and the submissive parts were exaggerated beyond what most do.


#13 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 6:39 PM
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@shykitten
Ahh, I see...I can understand that. I'm sorry that you ended up in that situation, but I'm glad that you aren't in that place any more. :(



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#14 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 6:42 PM
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@SEA aww, thank you. Im glad too. the person i was with in the end started to repulse me to the point i didnt even want to do sexual things with them, so i would pretty much pretend to make them happy. ugh, Im so glad im out of it, never going back there. c:


#15 :: September 13th, 2010 @ 9:04 PM
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I think if the two people consent,and the Dom knows the Subs limits,and respects them then its fine.

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#16 :: September 15th, 2010 @ 8:42 AM
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@apricot oh geee where to start where to start... my fiance and I are into mild dom/sub stuff but like it's always mild and always consensual. Sometimes he likes it when I pretend to be mad at him and try to get him off of me or we wrestle for the top. We bite each other and tie each other up a lot... But one thing is ALWAYS clear we respect and love each other and never hurt each other for real. And it's not like he takes it outside the bedroom... His nickname for me is Kitty but that's because it sounds like part of my actual name, and it's something only he calls me and I like that.
I think it's all about limits and knowing when to turn it all off. He is extremely gentle and mild everywhere that isn't... the bedroom. o_o; and a lot of times he turns it off even in there and wants to have just plain ol' sex with noooo kinks.
I really do think it depends on the person and their level of respect for their partner and their self control

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#17 :: September 16th, 2010 @ 10:07 AM
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@apricot
The thing about Domination and Pets, it's purely a fantasy thing. I'm not into it, but my mom is. (she's a weird mother) She's told me that some people just like to be submissive and to obey a master, while others like the power trip. BDSM Domination is one of the most common kinks, so I don't really find it kind of strange. For most people it rarely leaves the bedroom, and they resume with normal relationships outside of it all.


but... that's talking about the fetish. If there's someone who bosses his or her wife/husband around on a daily basis... that's kinda abusive. It's alright if the other party is ok with it, but who really likes someone bossing you around all day?






#18 :: September 16th, 2010 @ 10:16 AM
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I personally have been in a dominant position before. It's mainly just a play thing, not something I would ever take seriously. It really is just a fetish to be enjoyed sparingly as far as I'm concerned, when someone is in the mood for such a thing. I know there are people that are hardcore into being owned or owning people in sexual and nonsexual ways. I had a friend once that was in a relationship where their significant other didn't even think of them as such, but a pet/something that they owned.

Either way, domination and whatnot is probably one of the most common kinks that I've known people to have. I've ran into things a lot stranger than it so it doesn't really phase me as significant anymore. But it's far from dirty. What people do in the privacy of their own homes is their business, unless they're into doing it in public but that's a whole different can of worms.

Honestly. I just think in a "to each their own" kind of way. So I can't really say if I think any fetishes are really dirty or wrong. There are very, very few fetishes that make me feel sick or uncomfortable. And BDSM is not one of them.

@apricot


Last Edit by: Erotic 9/16/10 - 10:17:08 am


#19 :: September 16th, 2010 @ 4:38 PM
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#20 :: September 16th, 2010 @ 8:02 PM
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Just going by my username you can see that I'm interested in the D/s lifestyle, and one of the more extreme branches at that. I have been interested in it since I was quite young, finding a copy of The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty at my aunts house when I was around 15. I've never gone much farther than a little kink around the bedroom, but have always wanted to find someone who could enjoy more. Since my tastes tend to run to the heavier side of D/s I know that I have to be very careful who I 'play' with. I think that as long as you follow the safe, sane. and consensual guideline any relationship is fine be it vanilla, D/s, BDSM.


#21 :: February 5th, 2011 @ 2:26 PM
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@apricot

Oh wow, I have quite a lot on this subject. I am involved in a mild D/s relationship with my boyfriend, in which I am the submissive, but it's not nearly as extreme as I'd like it to be. It's really odd though, because the majority of people I know wouldn't have thought I would be submissive. As I'm female, I act in a very confident manner towards other women, it could even be called standoffish. But with particular males, i.e my boyfriend, I place myself under them in importance, I do what he tells me to do, whatever he wants etc... even if we're not in a sexual situation. I would prefer, however, to venture towards the heavier side of D/s, but I'm not sure whether he would want to. But there you go.


#22 :: February 5th, 2011 @ 7:44 PM
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