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How big of an age gap is okay for a relationship?
| #1 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 3:40 AM | |
 Tangent!Is Lonely    647 Posts 310 Achievements  
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| #2 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 6:07 AM | |
| Betsy Funky Forum Feli  169 Posts 98 Achievements |
I would like to say that age doesn't matter when it comes to love, but there has to be a decent age gap.
I know people that got married and their age gap was 10 years. (!) Their marriage didn't last long. It's even less probable that a marriage between people with a bigger age gap could last long. People aren't the same. If you're twenty you think differently form a thirty five - forty year old. So, all in all; I don't think that age gaps are really good for a relationship, and I wouldn't like an age gap my self.
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| #3 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 6:22 AM | |
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| #4 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 6:26 AM | |
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@Tangent!
Yeah, you're right one this one that a lot of marriages don't last long. But this is just my opinion, and I think that marriage shouldn't be taken easy. It's more of bond between two people who truly understand and love each other. Haha, I'm a sucker for love. 
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| #5 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 7:24 AM | |
| Imperatrix Gossiper  1,225 Posts 173 Achievements |
I'm pretty used to age gaps in my family. My parents are 7 years apart, (my mom being the older one), and my aunt and uncle are 15 years apart. Grant it, they are going through a divorce right now, but until the upcoming divorce hearing, they've been married for 20+ years. They had a happy marriage for the most part, until the later years when my uncle did a lot of stupid things and ruined my aunt's trust. Age gaps don't really bother me too much unless they're HUGE. Like a 20 year old was with a 50+ year old. That irks me, because I know that most of those relationships are formed because of greed or lust and they don't last long. I haven't seen a successful case of a huge age gap like that. 
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| #6 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 8:49 AM | |
| Fred The Helper  2,012 Posts 412 Achievements |
 @Tangent! I haven't had much experience with age gaps but I completely agree with them not being that bad at all. Again, as Aishwarya said, it depends if it's THAT much of a gap. But sincerely, I think that it always depends on the age range of the people involved. I think that a relationship between a 15 year old and a 25 year isn't that.... good, but a relationship between and 25 year old and 35 year isn't that bad. But hey, maybe I'm just weird xD To each his own, I guess ^^ Ps. I know what you're feeling xD I had the same thing the other day c: Last Edit by: User not found (1): sNOWsONG 8/27/10 - 8:50:40 am
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| #7 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 9:11 AM | |
| Brains Silly Spamming Sausage  258 Posts 166 Achievements |
 @Tangent!Hmm. Good question. Especially since that topic seems to be everywhere now (Up in the Air, Cougar Town, HUGH HEFFNER). I think personally, the socially acceptable (I'm saying that people won't be like "wow... that's quite a gap there" on the relationship) amount of years apart would be around 5 or 6. Any more than that, and then it kind of gets into weird territory (heh, for me anyways). Although, it also depends on the age. If you're a 16-year-old going out with a 19-year-old (only 3 years apart), I don't think the relationship would last very long, especially since the 19-year-old probably wants to do things to the 16-year-old that aren't exactly legal for that age. But there could be other factors, too. Like, let's say a 25-year-old and a 31-year-old are dating. The 25-year-old probably doesn't want to be too tied down in a relationship, because, c'mon, it's the best time of their lives. While the 31-year-old is probably looking for a partner that they'll have for the rest of their lives. Chances are, the relationship isn't going to last long (read: they probably won't get married, it might last a year or two, but eventually there'll be nowhere to advance in the relationship except to either to permanently move in with them, or to marry them), because the 25-year-old is too immature, and the 31-year-old is probably expecting more commitment from the 25-year-old. Now, if you're a 30-year-old marrying a 35-year-old, I think that's perfectly fine, since you're both kind of in the same transition point in your lives: trying to settle down, find a mate, get a house, start a family maybe. From that age on up, I think there are no problems maturity-wise that stress your relationship. Oh! But don't get me wrong. I crush on older men, too, and I totally understand the appeal. x) I just don't think that I'd ever initiate something between us. Last Edit by:
Brains 8/27/10 - 9:36:16 am
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| #8 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 9:24 AM | |
 Lazuliis a Time Lord  3,984 Posts 785 Achievements |
@Tangente I'm going to take the term "two consenting adults" and set that as anyone over the age of 25 for starters, because, well, in my opinion, that's a realistic age when people can really consider themselves adults, at least in most westernized countries. And with that in mind, I'd say 10-15 years is an acceptable gap, with 15 borderlining on unrealistic. Simply because if you're say, a 25 year old woman who is looking to have a family and kids, then a 40 year old man may be a good option...for the first 10 years or so, but do you really want to be a 40-something mother of a couple crazy teens and then also be married to a senior citizen who will have inevitably declining health?I mean obviously, context is everything and to each is own, but I personally think anything within five years of each other is perfect, ten years is acceptable. More or less starts bordering on illogical. Last Edit by: User not found (1): Clio 8/27/10 - 9:25:35 am
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| #9 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 10:59 AM | |
Margarita 9,125 Posts 612 Achievements |
First, what kind of relationship are you referring to? Committed, open, or both? Personally, I think maturity is all that matters in any type of relationship as long as they are consenting adults and they understand what they are getting into. I'm currently involved with a man that is 25 years older then me. We agreed from the beginning it was only to be physical. I have no intention of to be in a committed relationship with him, nor does he want to be with me. Most people find it really weird that I choose to have sex with a man 25 years older then me, ten years younger then my parents so I don't tell anyone. So with this, we are both consenting adults and we both understand what we got ourselves into
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| #10 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 12:06 PM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
Anything beyond 7 years is just pushing it. When you're farther apart than that you just start to lose the ability to have a ton in common. You'll be at completely different stages of life. When I was 21 I met a guy who was 28. We had an okay relationship but there were a lot of times where I felt, or he made me feel, too immature to handle everything that was going on.
I think people should try to be within 3 years of each other, it's nice to have common experiences and to be on similar wavelengths.
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| #11 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 12:07 PM | |
| shatzy Subeta Elder  10,764 Posts 992 Achievements |
 i agree with @Margarita but in a different vein. ''relationship'' to me makes me question if you are referring to a sexual or emotional relationship. while you can certainly have both in a single relationship, as it concerns the topic, i'd be inclined to wonder what type of relationship you are specifically asking about. like above, i also assume you are referring to a sexual relationship -- to which i again agree, it is completely subjective and up to the individual involved. personally, if the question is approached from it's bare bones -- Tab A inserted into Slot B -- then what difference does age make anyway?
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| #12 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 12:20 PM | |
| Seiryuu Has a Strong Pet  1,425 Posts 1,002 Achievements |
 @Tangent! I think it depends more on your mental age than you're physical age. If both of you are in the same place mentally, I don't think it'll be a problem. I have a friend who is 31 and is currently dating a 20 year old. She's more like a twenty year old mentally (but can be serious when she has to be), so they get along astoundingly well. In your case, I just have to say, as long as your a consenting adult, I see no problem with it.
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| #13 :: August 27th, 2010 @ 10:27 PM | |
| Faruzah The Gourmand  5,725 Posts 834 Achievements |
@Dandelina
Quote:
Apparently my husband and I are just asking for it. There is exactly 20 years and 6 months between our ages. In fact, he graduated high school before I was born. Somehow, we have enough in common to love each other. Relationships aren't about finding someone exactly like you, how boring that would be. Our differences just bring us together.
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| #14 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 12:06 AM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer 3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
@Faruzah There will always be exceptions to the general rule. For most people, it would be unthinkable.
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| #15 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 12:15 AM | |
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| #16 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 6:15 AM | |
| Fred The Helper 2,012 Posts 412 Achievements |
@Tangent! Whoops xD Sorry, sorry. But, I must say, it's very interesting to see the different opinions of the people here  Art by AKiANN // Wishlist |
| #17 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 6:34 AM | |
| PeanutButter Silly Spamming Sausage  362 Posts 86 Achievements |
@Tangente
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| #18 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 2:27 PM | |
| yak Le Extreme Spammer  4,977 Posts 237 Achievements |
I think age gaps between older people, say a twenty year old dating someone forty years their senior, is fine. It can be a bit weird, but it's alright if they're in love.
The kind of age gap that I'm not okay with is if a fifteen year old is dating a twenty year old. I don't think children should be dating adults, and it makes me feel weird. A fifteen year old with a twenty year old only spells trouble, so I advise against anything like that.
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| #19 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 4:23 PM | |
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| #20 :: August 28th, 2010 @ 5:01 PM | |
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@Shur
So far the three years of dating and two years of being married to a man 20 years my senior haven't been awkward. So far only one person has asked if he was my father, and that was the emergency room doctor attending after his motorcycle accident. I corrected her, she apologized and continued on with saving his life. Everyone who has ever met us individually and as a couple hasn't blinked an eye at the age difference. I think the fact that we have a openly loving partnership and relationship is part of that. If random people who see us out in public have a problem with us, they haven't said anything and quite frankly, I couldn't care about their opinion. Age is just a number, it really has nothing to do with a person's personality, or if they are going to make a good partner to someone else. It's all about finding the person that is right for you, and makes you comfortable and happy. If that person is older or younger than you, so what.
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| #21 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 8:55 AM | |
| MommaT Is a Survivor  438 Posts 407 Achievements |
 Age isn't so important as life stage. I've noticed that relationships between high schoolers and college students don't last, even if there's only a year of age difference, because of the difference in life stage between the two. A 30 year old being with a 40 year old, however, might not be too bad since they are more likely to be in similar points in their life. If it's a guideline you're looking for, a good one is the half plus 7 rule. You take the older person's age, divide by two, and then add 7. So, I'm 22. Cut that in half is 11, plus 7 is 18 being the youngest I should date. However, keep the life stage principal in mind. I just graduated college. An 18 year old is going to be a senior in high school or a freshman in college, and therefore in a different life stage, so I would not date an 18 year old. So, the rule isn't flawless by any means. I can do this rule backwards to find my oldest dating range too, by subtracting 7 and then multiplying by 2. So, 22-7 is 15, and double that makes 30 being the oldest I should date. That may be pushing it, but some 30 year olds might be in the same life stage as me. Of course, there are ALWAYS exceptions, but generally, huge age gaps, especially at younger ages when life stage changes quickly, don't work out. 
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| #22 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 9:09 AM | |
| amehmuffin is a SUPER USER!!!  109 Posts 158 Achievements |
 There's always been an age gap with me and my relationships.. but not by much. The last was a gap of three years. Me being 20, and him 17. He was 16 when we got together. Of course, that never ended well, he recently left me 4 and a half months pregnant, for a little 15 year old school girl. I'd like to see how that one ends up.
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| #23 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 9:23 AM | |
| BIGBANG is a Time Lord  11,259 Posts 895 Achievements |
 If you're okay with it, and he's okay with it, that's all that matters. I mean, in life, who are you trying to please anyway? "Socially acceptable" is just another way of saying that you're trying to put others at ease, and not yourself. Don't try to please anyone but yourself. They're not the ones in your relationship, or the relationship you want. You are. Plus, no matter what you do, people will judge you anyway. Also, there are some people who have proved that they can make their age differences work. (Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, for example). Some people can handle huge age differences, others not. Everyone is different. You won't know until you try. That's my honest opinion.  Last Edit by: User not found (1): KingdomxHearts 8/29/10 - 9:24:44 am
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| #24 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 9:46 AM | |
| Laetitia_Montemercy is a SUPER USER!!!  780 Posts 206 Achievements |
@Tangent!
I'd say 15 to 25 years, but if you're in love, it shouldn't matter. It depends on everyone's comfort -zone. If you like them and there's a gap in ages, in theory, it shouldn't matter. Don't be afraid to try and go for it! "Daylight. When was the last time you remember seeing it? And I'm not talking about some distant, half-forgotten childhood memory, I mean like yesterday. Last week. Can you come up with a single memory? You can't, can you? You know something, I don't think the sun even... exists... in this place. 'Cause I've been up for hours, and hours, and hours, and the night never ends here. " ~ John Murdoch (Dark City - 1998) |
| #25 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 10:13 AM | |
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Quote By @Clio: I'd say 10-15 years is an acceptable gap, with 15 borderlining on unrealistic. Simply because if you're say, a 25 year old woman who is looking to have a family and kids, then a 40 year old man may be a good option...for the first 10 years or so, but do you really want to be a 40-something mother of a couple crazy teens and then also be married to a senior citizen who will have inevitably declining health? My parents are 14 years apart, fitting almost exactly your scenario. Me and my sister are probably the "crazy teens" you have mentioned. Though, 56 is hardly a 'Senior Citizen', and my father is in fairly good health. He was married two times before my mom, and even with the age difference, she is his longest relationship out of all of them; and still going strong 20+ years later. He is a little old fashioned in his "Perfect Family Don't-ask-Don't-tell" kind of attitude about some things, but that is more a product of how his household was run, not an age difference. But, on the actual topic: With exceptions, the oldest a person should look for, (Over 18, as under should be no more then 3 years) is ten years their senior. Over there is a generation gap, which may or may not be effective. If you both have enough in common, or simply get along well enough, any age is alright by me. In societies eyes, however, five years or more is pushing the limits of "acceptable". Over five years your senior/junior, and people will start to ask questions, for sure. But, who really cares what people think when it comes to love? So, really, it's your own choice. No one elses.
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| #26 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 12:32 PM | |
| Arkane Silly Spamming Sausage  234 Posts 88 Achievements |
I believe it depends on how old you are mentally. If you are exactly twenty-four as is your husband and he has the capacity for maturity of a five-year-old, it's not going to be a very long relationship. If, say, a twenty-year-old is married to a thirty-year-old and the twenty-year-old has the capacity to be as mature as the thirty-year-old, then it's okay. If the thirty-year-old is as immature as the twenty-year-old, it might be pushing it a little, but that could end well.
It's most often unacceptable for a fifteen year old to marry a twenty-five year old or something because the fifteen year old on average won't be as mature or as wise as the twenty-five year old (disregarding laws about underage sex). If two people can truly be happy together, any age is fine (unless it's like a seventy-year-old on his/her deathbed, but if you really, really want that...) in my opinion. Some people can marry people fifteen years older than them and it won't be or look awkward at all.
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| #27 :: August 29th, 2010 @ 1:05 PM | |
| Ora is a Mirage  1,174 Posts 516 Achievements |
 @TangenteWhen I was 19 I dated a 32 year old guy. He was wonderful at first, then started treating me like a little kid even though I was very mature. Drove me insane! I quickly moved on and met my husband <3 He's exactly 2 months older, and damn can he be immature but I love him. Anyhoo I think if you can make it work, as long as you are old enough to decide for yourself you can do whatever you like. Just because I've had a crappy experience doesnt mean everyone will. 
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| #28 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 3:00 AM | |
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| #29 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 3:11 AM | |
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Especially when it's like a celebrity crush. Is Sean Connery old enough to be my dad? And then some. Can I still say he's handsome without it being weird to most people? Yeah. As for an actual relationship, however, I think with both parties being above the legal age of consent, any gap is surmountable.. and I don't think it would be fair to evaluate them as a group. Sure, there are rotten eggs out there, but there are plenty of rotten people dating and taking advantage of people only 1-2 years their junior too, it's not -completely- specific to relationships with age gaps, even if it is probably slightly more common. That being said, I might start to get personally creeped out at, oh say 40-50 years, especially when the younger party is sub 20-25ish. But I'm sure it's happened, and it would depend on how they act. If they're in love or even happy live and let live. |
| #30 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 3:28 AM | |
| Tangent! Is Lonely 647 Posts 310 Achievements |
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| #31 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 3:29 AM | |
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 example: a 38 year old woman could date a 50 year old man and i really wouldn't think anything of it. the older people get, the more they mature and know themselves better. they know what they want in a person and i think the relationship is more likely to work than lets say, an 18 year old and a 26 year old. having any relationship at a younger age (with a gap in age or not) is more experimental and you learn from it rather than being at an older age and knowing your needs from that other person. so in a way i do believe that age is just a number. as long as you're old enough/mature enough to handle a relationship like that in the first place. |
| #32 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 5:00 AM | |
| Khigari is a SUPER USER!!!  241 Posts 438 Achievements |
It really depends on their maturity level and how alike/different their views are and they are in general, so it's something that has to be looked at individually, you can't make a blanket statement.
I was 16 when I started dating a 20-year-old (3 years and some odd amount of months between us, his birthday is after mine), everyone but my close friends were all "OMYGAWRSH HE'S HOW OLD!!?!?!?" and told me it would never work out, they hoped it wouldn't last long for "my sake" and that there was too much of a difference between us. Two years later (exactly once we hit tomorrow, the 31st), and we're still very happily together, even living together, and having spoken about marriage after I go through college. The thing is, we are very much alike, we like the same kinds of things and the way we both think is very similar, but we have enough differences that conversations and debates are interesting. Personally, I go with the "whatever floats your boat as long as you're not hurting someone" motto, and I usually apply that to everything in life. I think a giant age gap ( 25+ ) would be a little strange, but whatever; it's not my business to interfere with, it's yours, and you can do what you please.
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| #33 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 5:30 AM | |
Only has Room for One  306 Posts 86 Achievements |
@Tangent! Well I'm 17 and I'm going out with a guy who's almost 21. A lot of my friends don't really know his age so when I tell them, they're like wtf?! But it seems pretty normal to me. But I think Marriage seems to make it more normal for the silly age gaps most people have.
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| #34 :: August 30th, 2010 @ 6:51 PM | |
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It's not as OK when only one side of the couple understands the relationship- for example, a 45 year old woman hooking up with a 13 year old boy. I just can't see that working out.
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| #35 :: September 2nd, 2010 @ 1:17 AM | |
| Ezeku Blabbermouth  910 Posts 72 Achievements |
For some people, a twelve year gap is unthinkable. You would have nothing in common! You wouldn't last! You could do so much better with someone closer to your age. My grandma is 12 years her boyfriends' senior, and they get along so well you would think they'd been born just days apart. Even then, whose to say having a ton of things in common is the basis for a good, healthy relationship? It's all preference. If you fall in love with someone fifteen years ahead of you, but your time spent together overshadows that age difference, whose to say you should give up on happiness and find someone more 'geared toward your generation'? Then again, I never was much of one for dictating how consenting adults practiced love.
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| #36 :: September 5th, 2010 @ 8:44 AM | |
| Hexx_what Only has Room for One  82 Posts 109 Achievements |
@Tangente
My Dads side of the family is a perfect example of how okay age gaps are. My Grandfather and Step-Grandmother 21 year age difference, between my own Father and Step-mother is 13 years age difference, and both of these unions are working excellent. I think the only time age differences are inappropriate are when one of the pairs are not yet legal, or if they are both still adolescents but one is still like, 13 years old. Plus, you know way back in the day an age difference of 15 years would have been nothing!
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| #37 :: September 5th, 2010 @ 11:14 AM | |
| Calistoga Gets Around 551 Posts 355 Achievements |
A 12 year old and a 22 year old is weird. A 50 year old and a 60 year old is not.
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| #38 :: September 5th, 2010 @ 12:10 PM | |
| ViretyEnten is Darksided!  227 Posts 591 Achievements |
@Tangente I personally have a 3 year limit. three years up and three years down from my age. Anything more than that and you can lose comminality. But what do I know? I'm getting divorced soon...
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| #39 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 11:08 PM | |
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| #40 :: September 7th, 2010 @ 11:12 PM | |
| Calistoga Gets Around 551 Posts 355 Achievements |
I guess I'll go with "If it's young enough to be your child, you probably shouldn't date it unless it's a legal adult".
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