Subeta: BDSM

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Subeta Forums > Debate > Sexuality

BDSM

#1 :: March 30th, 2011 @ 5:18 PM

Tongue Wagger

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For those of you who don't know, BDSM is a compound acronym standing for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M). I suggest at least reading the wikipedia article about it before responding so you are at least somewhat informed on what it is.

Personally, I got into the culture last year as a submissive, but quickly realized I was much more of a dominant. I have always, since I was 4 years old really, been into BDSM; I simply had no name for it and didn't know it existed outside my mind. Last year I met somebody else who introduced me to the scene and since then I've been very into it. I'm a member of a popular BDSM networking site, and actually have my own sub who I love very much.

Various types of BDSM play tend to cause or have potential to accidentally cause physical harm. Some examples include suspension play, breath play, knife play, and basically all sorts of edge play. I have taken part in play that has caused my sub lasting damage, most usually cuts on his skin. He gives his complete consent and enjoys it very much. I see nothing wrong about this in any way; it is a 'victimless crime'.

Many people argue about the ethics of BDSM play. How far is too far, even with consent? Can anything be classified as abuse if the other person is consenting and has the power to end it with a simple safe word? These ultimately also lead to questions of assisted suicide or consensual murder, but I'd prefer those topics be left to another day.

Please remember, this isn't about the following;
-if BDSM is right or wrong
-anything non-consensual
-if somebody is not in a mental state wherein they can give consent
-any legality issues
-if you don't understand BDSM

Trick or Treat @ You_Tell_Me ~Kat

#2 :: March 30th, 2011 @ 5:47 PM

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moving to the sexuality sub-forum

#3 :: March 30th, 2011 @ 7:05 PM

is a snake on a plane

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I've always been interested in BDSM too. My husband and I do light BDSM every now and then. I don't think it is wrong as long as both people participating consent to it and are willing to stop if need be. It definitely adds a little spice to the relationship. Some people just like certain things, and there is nothing wrong fulfilling that (as long as it is legal).

#4 :: March 31st, 2011 @ 2:11 AM

Tongue Wagger

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Shatzy, while I respect your decision to move this to the sexuality forum, I strongly disagree with it. BDSM is not all about, or even mostly about, sex or sexuality. It is a culture and so much more. Regardless, this debate does not pertain to the sexual aspects at all, but rather the physical actions given to one's submissive. I ask kindly that you please return it to general debates.

Trick or Treat @ You_Tell_Me ~Kat

#5 :: March 31st, 2011 @ 11:05 AM

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From the BDSM wikipedia you suggested people read:

Quote:

The term BDSM has become a broad term for eroticized behavior between consenting adults.

Seems like it fits this forum best based on that...

As for the points you brought up... Consent only works if people are of the proper state of mind to give it and they fully understand what they are consenting to. As long as that is extremely clear, I feel it's up to the adults to decide how far they want to take things.
One must consider that if something goes wrong, they may be expected to show there was consent given and that can be tricky.

Last Edit by: JESSYTA 3/31/11 - 11:06:11 am

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#6 :: March 31st, 2011 @ 12:29 PM

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Quote By @You_Tell_Me:

BDSM is not all about, or even mostly about, sex or sexuality. It is a culture and so much more. Regardless, this debate does not pertain to the sexual aspects at all, but rather the physical actions given to one's submissive. I ask kindly that you please return it to general debates.

are the physical actions given to one's submissive something other than the socially accepted concept of a behavior associated with sexual arousal, desire, and/or gratification?

if you'd like to make a debate about what BDSM actually means, i'm game. however in your first post, you clearly state that there is no room in this discussion for a debate about what BDSM means or it's interpretation so........

by your own first post, this discussion should be moved to the sexuality forum. you are certainly welcome and encouraged to file a ticket if you'd like a UA to examine this thread-placement issue.

#7 :: March 31st, 2011 @ 5:05 PM

Tongue Wagger

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The actions I am talking about are not usually about sexual pleasure at all. They're about power exchange; regardless I will accept the forum change.

Trick or Treat @ You_Tell_Me ~Kat

#8 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 5:55 PM

Silly Spamming Sausage

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if its between two consenting people of legal age then knock your selves out imo

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#9 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 6:18 PM

Tongue Wagger

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To add a little information to the debate; some examples of things that are borderline fro a lot of people would be [non-lethal] stabbing, branding, scarification, amputation, castration, etc. I'm surprised everybody so far thinks these are all totally fine, even with consent xD It isn't much of a debate yet, eh?

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#10 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 6:24 PM

Is the Richest User

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Would someone of sound state of mind really willingly consent to amputation just for the thrill of it?? I find that doubtful...

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#11 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 6:31 PM

is a snake on a plane

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Yeah, I've never heard of being taking it to that extreme, but what do I know? I just go off videos/pictures/stories/personal experience.

#12 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 6:57 PM

Tongue Wagger

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Its actually not that uncommon in the BDSM community. I'm sure you could find some information on wikipedia, but I also have experience in the matter through the forums on a site called fetlife. I've actually had a conversation with somebody who had his pinky chopped off, and was annoyed his Master refused to do any more than that xD

Trick or Treat @ You_Tell_Me ~Kat

#13 :: April 1st, 2011 @ 9:37 PM

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i guess if it's a debate you want, the only serious question i'd have to those wanting to play such games is whether or not these rely on government assistance for medical bills -- be it unemployment, disability, etc. i personally don't care how twisted you want to take your sexual interest, however if taxpayers have to pick up the tab for your voluntary habits (and ''accidental damage''), i'm not going to be happy about that.

#14 :: April 5th, 2011 @ 1:45 PM

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My question was actually about the state of the person's mind that would be open to that happening to them. And having a finger cut off, albeit no joking matter, isn't quite the same as castration or amputation of a leg.

Amputation or castration by people that are into BDSM but have no medical training can be seen as a crime. Especially if something goes wrong, even if the 'patient' gave their consent. To me, those things should be off limits unless the people involved are licensed to practice medicine

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#15 :: April 7th, 2011 @ 7:25 AM

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I guess I haven't been that deep into the BDSM culture as I thought since I haven't really heard about amputation and castration as a part of it. I know they exists as fetishes, but are all fetishes bound under BDSM?

About the consent thing: I don't care what people do as long as it is _fully_ consensual and the people involved fully _understand_ the consequences. Personally I do think amputation and castration like that is taking it a bit too far, but then, some people have those urges.

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#16 :: April 7th, 2011 @ 8:59 PM

Is Lonely

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I am a submissive, have a wonderful domme, and as @ asked, am on disability. HOWEVER I go to school and hope to work one day, so I mean, I think shatzy was referring to if something were to happen, us taxpayers should not have to pick up the tab.

That out of the way, I consent to everything Mistress does. She may push the envelope, but i have NEVER safeworded. THAT in itself is what BDSM is about, to me. TOTAL TRUST IN YOUR PARTNER. I have a fetlife as well, but have only heard of the above fetishes in roleplays or fantasies. I truly think and hope, that any Top of sound mind would NOT do those things unless there was a legally binding contract or as @ stated, a licensed doctor. There should not have to be consent, if there is trust and love. Yes, scening is different and that I respect, but one must always make sure the bottom does indeed trust them and has gotten to know them.

#17 :: April 7th, 2011 @ 9:16 PM

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Quote By @Caduceus:

I am a submissive, have a wonderful domme, and as @shatzy asked, am on disability. HOWEVER I go to school and hope to work one day, so I mean, I think shatzy was referring to if something were to happen, us taxpayers should not have to pick up the tab.

exactly.
i think there is a bold line between using taxpayer assistance for an actual disability, and exploiting the disability because you also injure yourself in a BDSM sexual act (accident or no).

#18 :: April 8th, 2011 @ 8:53 PM

Gets Around

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Quote By @JESSYTA:

My question was actually about the state of the person's mind that would be open to that happening to them.

This. While I can respect someone's chosen lifestyle, there comes a certain point to it that I find extreme and have to seriously question the mental stability of a person who's willing to be dangerously disfigured (amputation/castration etc) and a person who's willing to do it.

#19 :: April 12th, 2011 @ 2:32 PM

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I enjoy BDSM, but not to those extremes. I prefer soft BDSM because is safer and you don't have to harm another person or yourself to get pleasure, apart from tying him/her up and gagging him/her (preferably with ball gags and leather gags with a protuberance that you can put into your sub's mouth). And, if you take all security measures, you can do it to yourself without any problems whatsoever.

As of harming other people who perfectly know what their dom is doing to him/her and he/she has given his/her dom his/her consent to do it, I think is their problem. I find it too excessive for me, but if he/she loves that, let them do it. Of course, it's up to these people to face up to the consequences.

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#20 :: June 21st, 2012 @ 10:54 AM

Is Lonely

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Well, for me, BDSM has always been an interest of mine. Like most, I started off mainly as submissive, just to see what it was like but that did not fulfil me as much as dominating others...

How far is too far, even with consent? Well, it's as far as the sub wants, in my opinion, if they say no or the safeword, I will back off and untie them, in that case. I tend to be far to whoever I am domming at the time.

Though, I do have other Fetishes, BDSM is one I am happy to admit =/

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#21 :: June 22nd, 2012 @ 12:32 AM

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I am a firm believer that you should idulge yourself in whatever may please you. However, I don't know how much my opinion matters seeing as I have only played with light BDSM. I personally prefer to be submissive and from my point of view I feel like nothing that is under consent can be too far. The line would be where consent ends.

#22 :: June 22nd, 2012 @ 12:52 AM

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Please don't bring back threads that are over 3 months old.

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

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