|
C R E A T E A D |
COUPLES!
| #1 :: June 30th, 2011 @ 9:14 PM | |
 OShobeis a Skilled Hooker    450 Posts 324 Achievements  
|
I find fighting pointless. If it takes an hour long argument that could be settled with a productive compromise in half that time to "sustain the relationship" then I think there's some BIGGER personal issues than which side of the bed you want to sleep on (HINT FOR GUYS: It's always gonna be the couch.) Playful fighting (physical and verbal) is okay, but I draw the line when it snowballs from something as small as a bad habit to a decision of "is he/she REALLY the one"?
Explain to me (forum readers), why is it necessary for humans to fight in romantic relationships.
|
I am a graffiti writer.| #2 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 12:18 AM | |
| You_Tell_Me Tongue Wagger  2,112 Posts 202 Achievements |
Its not necessary. I still haven't got into any sort of fight with my boyfriend. Its mostly about power struggles, from what I've seen.
|
| #3 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 1:53 AM | |
| fetus Tongue Wagger  2,671 Posts 247 Achievements |
it happens. if you are in a committed relationship with somebody and you never fight at all, that points more to deep underlying problems. if you don't express your feelings, whether negative or positive, resentment develops. of course it's silly if a couple is fighting nonstop about absolutely nothing, but it's almost impossible for you and your partner to always be in complete agreement and perfect communication 100% of the time. not even big fights, just arguments really. it's healthy to argue. you build communication skills if you are determined enough. if the fighting is horrible and you have grown to hate your partner, and vice versa, then you weren't meant to be together. some people just can't fit with one another, even if they try really hard. it's natural to find somebody you fit perfectly with. so when you find that person, resolution is the only option. you work things out, and talk with each other about ways to prevent the arguments to return. i say that fighting and arguing is completely necessary, only because it is inevitable if you've been together for a very long time, and suppressing it is very bad for the relationship. but if people truly get into full-blown fights over things as petty as which side of the bed they prefer, there are problems. and if you get into such large fights very often, you either need to stop being so stubborn and shape up for the sake of your relationship, or just end it if you don't feel that it's worth it. you know inside if you want to be with this person. another thing to take into account is sanity. nobody on this earth is perfectly stable. and often times distress or mental disorders can play a serious role in your relationship. and sometimes, it can clash. just as an example off the top of my head: one partner may get drastically over-emotional about things easily, or may be very prone to panicking/sobbing fits. it's just the way they are, due to severe anxiety or compulsive paranoia. now the other partner may be subjected to sickening frustration as well as an overactive and clustered mind. it can lead to becoming very flustered and confused, which may lead to anger and helplessness (which creates more anger and fustration because you don't know what to do.) and when one or the other is in the middle of an emotional dilemma, the other is likely to be triggered. it could be because you can't handle to see them upset, or maybe you were already on edge. whatever it is, it's neither one's fault for any dispute that may be carried out for reasons such as psychological instability, whether it be compulsiveness, mood disorders, personality disorders, or depression. but it is very important to work together though every problem, lean on each other, and try and find ways to cope with your internal and sewn-in issues together. i find the fact that my boyfriend and i both have very considerably apparent psychological issues is something that makes us closer, for many reasons. Last Edit by:
fetus 7/01/11 - 2:02:53 am
|
| #4 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 12:38 PM | |
| You_Tell_Me Tongue Wagger 2,112 Posts 202 Achievements |
@fetus "If you are in a committed relationship with somebody and you never fight at all, that points more to deep underlying problems." Not true. Like I said, I've never fought with my boyfriend and there really aren't any underlying problems. It may have to do with our relationship's dynamic [D/s] but neither of us have been happier and we've never got into anything even resembling a fight...
|
| #5 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 12:46 PM | |
| fetus Tongue Wagger 2,671 Posts 247 Achievements |
how long have you been together? and i'm happy for you! make sure not to hold anything inside along the line, it can be really easy to convince yourself that there aren't any issues whatsoever sometimes. not that you will but it's something that's good to consider as a precaution.
|
| #6 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 1:11 PM | |
| Blu The Helper  1,749 Posts 761 Achievements |
 Typical long term relationships contain fights, but I have seen many people who don't fight often. I've been in a long term relationship for five years and I find that most of our fights are not power struggles. Emotions run high sometimes in stressful situations i.e. low funds for bills, family problems, and anything else that can cause stress. Sometimes stress can just build up and fights start, sometimes over small events, other times with bigger issues. @OShobe The bigger issues are often the reason for fighting, the only things you can do at that point is bring them out in the open, address them, and if there isn't a way to work around them then evaluate your relationship. Fights over bad habits end up bringing up bigger issues in relationships :/.
|
| #7 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 1:36 PM | |
| You_Tell_Me Tongue Wagger 2,112 Posts 202 Achievements |
@fetus I'd rather not say, but I can tell you we're moving in together in September :] What's amazing is that there really are no issues, at all. I know what you mean though, I used to convince myself everything was fine with my ex, when it wasn't at all. @Blu I just meant from what I've seen, that's what they stem from. One person wanting the other person to do what they want, because that would solve the problem in their eyes.
|
| #8 :: July 1st, 2011 @ 1:50 PM | |
| Ajna Tongue Wagger  2,061 Posts 219 Achievements |
 Quote:(HINT FOR GUYS: It's always gonna be the couch.) I've never gotten in a fight with my boyfriend that was so large that i didn't want to sleep in the same bed as him. Any woman who kicks her man out of bed and onto the couch is ridiculous (unless he cheated on her or something extreme). I agree with others when they said "they just happen". You don't choose to have a fight. But if something my boyfriend is doing is annoying me, I'll tell him. If that leads to a fight then whatever. Fights really aren't that detrimental. Especially when they aren't physical. (never had a physical fight lol). *Previously Aestival* "Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."
|
| #9 :: July 2nd, 2011 @ 5:24 PM | |
| Nymfetamin The Helper  2,464 Posts 445 Achievements |
I believe in speaking one's mind and let the partner know about problems instead of bringing them up in a matter that leads to a fight. Problems get solved much easier if both parts manage to give and take critizm, acknowledge troubles and be mature about it. Of course, not everyone manages that.
There will always be arguments of some variety when you're so close to someone, but I think it depends a lot on the dynamic in the couple as to whether the fight is huge and unsolvable or not. |
| #10 :: July 2nd, 2011 @ 7:13 PM | |
| Bactobac92 Is Lonely  636 Posts 299 Achievements |
 I've been dating my best friend for 4 months (I've know him for almost 5 years) and in all the time I've known him I've never been in a real fight with him. I dont see the need to fight, if I dont like something I state how I feel, I'm not gunna argue about it, but I do say what I'm thinking and so does he. So long as you talk to your SO then I dont really see the need for fighting. 
|
| #11 :: July 2nd, 2011 @ 10:16 PM | |
| Yenomrah Member  22 Posts 117 Achievements |
I know this isn't totally related, as I'm not the one in the relationship, but my mother used to have fights with her ex, and he would silence her. It would become so bad, that she was afraid to speak at all, and let him do whatever... that is until we got a backbone. Now that she's with her new fiancee, there are small fights from time to time, but they're usually just playful and harmless, and it doesn't make her afraid to speak up. I guess as long as both people in the committed relationship are happy and able to say what they mean, it's alright in the end. But hey, what do I know, I'm just 17. XD
|
| #12 :: July 2nd, 2011 @ 10:40 PM | |
Felix 6,624 Posts 590 Achievements |
if i have to fight with you, then obviously we aren't compatible in one way or another. this fight will lead to more, and then we will be at each others' throats. good bye. end of story.
|
| #13 :: July 3rd, 2011 @ 3:10 AM | |
| glitterprincezz is ZOMBIE LONG TIME  670 Posts 619 Achievements |
 @Bordeaux while fighting doesn't have to be necessary, it doesn't mean you're incompatible with someone. whether one fight leads to another fight and escalates to always being on edge with another person depends solely on the dynamics of the involved parties. by User not found (1): aranel |
| #14 :: July 3rd, 2011 @ 3:00 PM | |
| Yenomrah Member 22 Posts 117 Achievements |
@glitterprincezz Thanks! Yeah, I really agree with what you say, just because a couple is fighting doesn't mean they don't do well together. What matters is how they solve the issue, and how they treat each other during the argument.
|
| #15 :: July 3rd, 2011 @ 5:09 PM | |
| Twisted Is a Survivor  3,824 Posts 301 Achievements |
But afterwards it's all okay then :3
|
| #16 :: July 5th, 2011 @ 6:50 AM | |
| Condom Newbie  3 Posts 14 Achievements |
Hmm...I've never had a fight with Kay... Made her sad once but she's the type of girl who's over things in about ten seconds ha.. yay for me
|
| #17 :: July 5th, 2011 @ 12:44 PM | |
| Blir Has a Massive Family  11,527 Posts 845 Achievements |
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half now and we get stressed out just like everyone else. Whether it's about school, work, or whatever other issues, I think it says a lot about our relationship that even if we get into little arguments or we raise our voices (we've never full-on yelled though) we can get over them. I think it says a lot to be able to overcome the little disagreements we get into from time to time. We're never constantly at each other's throats and we don't think it's okay to take anger out on one another, but idk, sometimes crap happens. I'm not a dog to him and he's not mean to me either, but we know that neither of us is perfect and sometimes little things are going to come up that make us unhappy. I like being able to express my feelings without fear of 'upsetting the balance' or whatever because I know that no matter what, we can work through our issues and come out even stronger. The only time I think fighting is really bad is when it's because of one person's high-expectations or nit-picking. It's not right if one person picks on the other all the time, then I think that points out a problem with the relationship.
|
| #18 :: July 5th, 2011 @ 5:06 PM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
Small fights that get resolved as 100% necessary and healthy. No two people are perfectly matched; there will always be some compromises to make and feelings might get hurt once in a while.
Why are fights healthy? Because they help train couples to deal with problems. You will not have a marriage last 50 years and not run into one single obstacle. Your spouse might lose his job, your child might get sick, your parents might need you to move back home to take care of them. There are a million things that can and do go wrong in the course of a marriage. Couples *need* a way to solve all problems that come their way. That said, there are two types of fighting; fair and unfair. Unfair fights involve lots of screaming and illogical fallacies (like seen here. Fair fighting usually involves two couples getting irritated and realizing they both need to calm down for a minute to collect their feelings. They may write down their feelings so that they are not simply responding out of defensiveness when their partner speaks. The ultimate goal is to admit when you are wrong, and discuss how a fight can be avoided in the future.
|
| #19 :: July 7th, 2011 @ 9:21 AM | |
 Heathernessis a Billionaire  2,454 Posts 629 Achievements |
I don't honestly see how anyone can have an actual committed and meaningful relationship and NEVER have an argument. Not to say, couples are supposed to fight all of the time, but as human beings who are comfortable with one another...you're going to argue, you're going to disagree. It's something that you need. Any couple that has actually been together for a prolonged period of time that doesn't argue, is hiding everything. In the first few months, you're in your honeymoon stage...you see no wrong and the world is filled with bunnies and floating hearts. However, that will fade sliiightly. Little fights are sometimes necessary to let the other person know something that bothers you or something that you're passionate about. How the arguments are resolved is what really tells you the most about your relationship, I think.
|
| #20 :: July 9th, 2011 @ 11:45 AM | |
| mirry is a Skilled Hooker  13,630 Posts 767 Achievements |
 I suppose fighting is not necessary, but even in a healthy relationship two people can still have differing opinions and ideas, and yeah-- arguments happen. I don't think you can have a healthy relationship without having at least a few disagreements every once in a while. Nothing and nobody is perfect. It isn't fun and it isn't necessarily something someone wants to do, but it does happen. There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy arguments, of course, and it really depends on how the two people handle the disagreement and resolve it. Also, yes, there may be bigger personal issues underlying other arguments.. what's wrong with that? Being in a relationship with someone helps you learn new things about yourself, and can help you come to terms with things that you need to fix about yourself as a person. Arguments may bring something to light that you hadn't quite understood or realized before, and can then lead to those issues being fixed. tumblr - last fm - mubi Last Edit by:
mirry 7/09/11 - 11:48:24 am
|
| #21 :: July 11th, 2011 @ 9:19 PM | |
| Tarot Member  30 Posts 61 Achievements |
Personally I like arguing with him hes just as stubborn as I am but there is a point where fighting gets bad.
|
| #22 :: July 12th, 2011 @ 9:59 AM | |
| Tasha Junior Archaeologist  1,038 Posts 433 Achievements |
 I've only ever had one argument with my partner. And that was resolved pretty quickly. We disagree on a lot of things. But we tend to just agree to disagree on the little things, and the bigger things we just forget about it because there's no point on dwelling of simple opinions. We've been together 3 years and not once have we ever been close to breaking up. Arguments aren't needed or (in my opinion) healthy. I've grown up around parents who fight almost non-stop, most of the time the fights end with my mother crying and wanting to leave my father. Having to see this every day I do not understand why people stay with their partner if you're going to constantly be at war with each other, it just doesn't make sense.
|
| #23 :: July 18th, 2011 @ 9:16 AM | |
| Lockett is fashionable  283 Posts 128 Achievements |
@OShobe
Outstanding! Someone that thinks like this too! .-." It's a shocker.. I am on your side though. c: Sorry the first sentence is a good thing, like I never knew someone would truly think this. ^ ^;; I totally agree with you that you could just settle it down with some compromising. I care for a lot of people so I sacrificed and compromised a couple of things for some people, I see not a huge big deal so I do that. But what I experienced with people not compromising with me and when I already given up my side for them, I think it's just the lack of communication and them not wanting to compromise. /;
|
| #24 :: July 18th, 2011 @ 9:52 AM | |
| OShobe is a Skilled Hooker 450 Posts 324 Achievements |
Wonderful comments and answers everyone.
@annneh Glad to shock you with common sense!  @mirry @Dandelina @Aestival You pose an interesting concept and I thank you.
|
© 2006-2013 Agoge, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
About Subeta | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Link Back | Apply for Staff | Rules
Use of this site signifies your acceptance of the Terms and Conditions