I Think I Just Need Some Help...

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Subeta Forums > Chit-Chat > Relationships

#1 :: July 22nd, 2011 @ 10:36 PM

Is Lonely

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So, I'm the average teenager who has gone and had sex. Last night, in fact.

It was nice, blahblahblah, but the guy I did it with wasn't my boy friend. But I didn't cheat, before that pops into some minds. I am currently single.

I know I like him, but I have no clue if he was just using me, or if he likes me, or what? I'm afraid to ask, because I don't want to appear clingy.

Ugh. I don't know what to do. I told a few close friends--two of which were dudes--and most of them flipped out. The only ones that didn't flip out were my two friends Alex and Becca...

I just need advice on this whole thing.

And yes, before last night, I was a virgin. So that also puts pressure onto me, because I have no clue how to handle this entire thing...

" all you'll have left is a broken heart,
and a chipped cup "
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#2 :: July 22nd, 2011 @ 10:51 PM

is a Pumpkin Murderer!

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There's nothing 'clingy' about wanting to know where things stand. You had sex for the first time. That's a big step, and don't let any sleazy scumbag try to belittle it or tell you that you need to 'get over it'. I've seen a lot of people who dismiss the 'first time' so hard that they actually try to hook girls/women up with a guy to 'get it over with because it's stupid to treat your first time like it's special.'

Don't ever, ever believe people who say things like that.

You may feel like it's a lot of pressure, but you also need to come to terms with a few things.

1) you have a right to be treated with respect
2) You have a right to know how things stand

I hope for the sake of simplicity that you're either on the pill or used protection. Take a deep breath and let it out. The next time you're with him, pay attention to how he acts. Bring up the fact that you feel like it's a big step you've taken and that you want to know what happens next.

Make note of his reaction. If he blows it off, acts too casual about it or ignores you completely, assume that he has no respect for you and move on. Don't let him try to weasel into sex, sex, and more sex, because that will be all he will be willing to get from you.

If, however, he treats it like a serious topic, listens to you and wants to explore a relationship that's more than just physical, then you have a keeper. Build some intimacy with him. Talk with him, share things about yourself and let him do the same. If he's a real man, he'll be willing to wait for you to get your feet back under you while enjoying your company and snuggling and building a relationship based on trust.

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Do not stand before me and say that God does not approve of homosexuals. They were born gay, which means God made them that way. To say that God disapproves of that which He Himself made is to say that God is not perfect. If God is not perfect, then he is not God.

#3 :: July 22nd, 2011 @ 11:12 PM

Is Lonely

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Actually, a lot of my friends were saying that "crap happens" and that I "needed to get over it."
Thank you, also, for your words. They really made my day a whole lot better.
I'll make sure to see how he acts. I hope this wasn't just a fluke or just lust, because he's really nice.
This honestly is making me feel better, I'm sorry I keep saying this xD I feel that I might actually be able to have a good relationship with someone who's nice, and local.
I can't thank you enough for your advice.

" all you'll have left is a broken heart,
and a chipped cup "
DeviantART | tumblr | Photography (out of date; updating)

#4 :: July 22nd, 2011 @ 11:42 PM

is a Pumpkin Murderer!

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You're welcome. I'm glad you're feeling better too.

I find that for some reason, there's a layer of pressure to have sex by a certain age and that it's either a norm you need to get used to, or some really weird thing like that. I could never understand that mindset myself, but I was always the rare one out.

I'm glad that I helped you out though. Sex should only happen when you're willing and interested too, not just when he wants it. I hope he's as special as you feel he is, because that makes what you did even more significant. Too many people throw it away and learn the hard way that putting out actually makes you lost the guy's respect if you do it too soon. Not enough women have someone who's special enough to be worth that all important First Time.

Breaking the ice often feels so hard, especially since you always have that fear of being rejected. A lot of a guys response will reflect how you act though. Depending on his age and his maturity (believe me, they can be two very separate things), if you act like you're freaking out over it, or that you feel panicked or desperate to hear the right words, he'll pick up on it and it will make him feel stressed and tense and maybe pull a knee jerk reaction.

'Omg i was a virgin, please don't leave me" can spook a guy big time. Not that I expect you to ever act like that; it's just an example. XD

On the other hand, if you take a deep breath, try to calm down and go, "What we did was a big step for me. I think I want to get my feet under me, so can we slow it down a little? I'd like to find out what happens next for both of us." Then he realizes that you're both mature and you're also not just rejecting him. Keeping him part of the process means that you're not cutting him off, but you're also not clinging to him. He'll act a lot more rationally and give you an honest answer.

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#5 :: July 23rd, 2011 @ 4:06 PM

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I'm one of those traditionalists who believe your first time should be worked towards and be with someone whom you're in a relationship with. Your friends don't seem like they are helping the situation much by just dismissing it. But it was a choice you made, I always consider every possibility before I jump into something like that, but I understand everyone is different. Ask your friends as to how he behaves around them and how he speaks of you, also I do believe that if he wanted a relationship with you, he would have asked by now after the step you both took together, regardless of if you were his first.

#6 :: July 26th, 2011 @ 11:40 AM

Le Extreme Spammer

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If you don't want to appear clingy..then it sounds like this was a bad guy to lose it to. It doesn't sound like a worthy relationship to pursue. If you think you have contradicting evidence then go for it, but..eh.

Either way don't worry about it. You did it, now you know better. Learning experience.

#7 :: July 31st, 2011 @ 4:19 AM

is Darksided!

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Eh, how do I say this without looking like a dog? Um. That doesn't really sound like a good situation?

(1) Did you use protection? If not, wait a couple of weeks and take a pregnancy test. Yes, you can get pregnant on the first go around.
(2) Has he had sexual relations before? If so, get tested for STDs. Talk to your doctor about the best protection and the pill.
(3) Had he shown any interest in you romantically before this? If not, you were an easy good time.
(4) Did he assume this was a one night stand?
(5) Ever considered maybe your friends are telling you to get over it because they're mad? Like they wanted you to be with someone first? Maybe they know something about this guy that you don't.

I'm like Sadistica. I want to have a relationship with someone for a good while before I have sex with them. That way I know this isn't about sex, it's about me as a person.

I know I probably sound harsh. I'm not trying to tear you down or anything, but I've seen soooooo many of my friends have sex with guys before a relationship was established and then it only becomes about sex to the guy. Or the guy stays with them for a while, pressures them to have sex, and then dumps them. I'm talking reality here. Not gonna give you some crap like "Oh, he'll learn to love you." "Good going for having sex for the first time!" or "Things will work out." You might regret this later, or you might be like "I was in charge of the situation. Felt like I was ready. And had a good experience from it." But honestly, I don't think this guy is gonna work out for you in the long run.

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