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Is age "just a number"?
| #1 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 11:05 AM | |
 SaintSilly Spamming Sausage    401 Posts 118 Achievements  
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What are your views on age difference in dating? How old or young is TOO old or young? How old should the younger partner be before the elder age is irrelevant? Is it ever? What is an 'appropriate' age gap? Is there a difference if the man is younger or the woman is younger?
And of course, does any of that change if the couple is same-sex?
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| #2 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 11:26 AM | |
| SAILOR is FIERCE  6,756 Posts 575 Achievements |
But I dont have a problem with a 30 year old dating a 60 year old. See, im 19, just turned 19 actually. My boyfriend is 16, my mum has a huge problem about it, dont really know why, the rest of my friends and family dont have any queries about it. They think its perfectly fine. Now say I was 19 and he was 15, that would be illegal, and therefore wrong.
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| #3 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 11:55 AM | |
| Tentacle is Shady  1,018 Posts 648 Achievements |
When it comes to age... It -really- depends on the person. Some people are more mature/responsible/whatever at different ages than other people are at the same age. So it's hard to say. And I feel this applies to more than just relationships. Things like drinking ages fall under this sort of debate too right?
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| #4 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 12:11 PM | |
| Saint Silly Spamming Sausage 401 Posts 118 Achievements |
Sailor, I agree, at certain ages the difference becomes more or less important. The younger you are, the smaller the gap. I agree that 16-19 is just fine.
Ska, that is why I'm asking. There are always exceptions, but generally, how do you feel?
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| #5 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 12:54 PM | |
| Kunzite Blabbermouth  818 Posts 171 Achievements |
Depends on whether the relationship is sexual or not, really. But meh, I personally never gave a love about dating myself so I don't really know.
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| #6 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 1:04 PM | |
 LypsylIs a Master Chef!  9,612 Posts 1,267 Achievements |
I feel that, on average, the younger you are the smaller the age difference should be. So 20 and under should be no more than a 5 yr difference, but at 60 and up could be up to a 20 year difference. That said, there are exceptions because people are all individuals.
But when I see a couple that has a huge age gap, I don't think "how sweet" I usually think "how icky." Its certainly possible for a much younger person to be attracted to a much older one, but I feel there's usually ulterior motives going on and it has nothing to do with love and caring.
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| #7 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 1:48 PM | |
| Raine_Sage Is the Pumpkin King!  1,756 Posts 450 Achievements |
@Saint
Now see for me it's not so much how old they are, it's when the relationship happens. Let's say it's a six year age difference between a 24 and 30 year old. Nobody would really bat an eye at this since they're both adults. If the same relationship were to happen while one of them is 14 and the other 20, then there are some huuuge problems that are going to arise. Especially of a statutory nature. Age differences are fine, but they don't really work if the two people are at different stages of physical development or mental maturity. At 16 the older man might seem like a cute guy who dotes on you and you eat it up. At 20 the same guy might suddenly come off as smothering or creepy. That kind of drastic perception shift is more likely to happen while the brain is still developing, it's why high school romances are notorious for being very brief.
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| #8 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 2:28 PM | |
| Lightsong Silly Spamming Sausage  458 Posts 578 Achievements |
 @Lypsyl I feel a 5 year age difference of under twenty is really generous....I would be disturbed if I saw a twelve year old dating someone who was seventeen. Same goes for 13/18, 14/19, and 15/20. I wouldn't say any more than three. @Raine_Sage Aptly put. I don't believe who is younger or older matters, and I don't believe that same sex or not matters. Has anyone ever heard of the half + 7 rule? It's a joke between some friends and I that a relationship isn't creepy if the ages are close to half + 7. For example, you take the older partner's age, halve it, and add seven. That age and above isn't creepy. So for a 20 year old, they could date down to 17 and it not be creepy. A 60 year old, 37. Etc. I think it's an interesting little formula, but I don't believe that works for every situation. Anyone know where that comes from? ] Last Edit by:
Lightsong 12/21/11 - 2:31:47 pm
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| #9 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 2:48 PM | |
| Lypsyl Is a Master Chef! 9,612 Posts 1,267 Achievements |
@Lightsong - I agree that 5 is being generous, but different cultures have different ages of consent. In the US I would say 3 years at that age is reasonable, but many would easily accept a little wider gap in other areas of the world.
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| #10 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 3:12 PM | |
| Faruzah The Gourmand  5,725 Posts 836 Achievements |
Husband is 46. I'm 26. It's who you are, not what you are.
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| #11 :: December 21st, 2011 @ 4:57 PM | |
| Saint Silly Spamming Sausage 401 Posts 118 Achievements |
@Faruzah how long have you been married? I'm very interested to know more, I don't mean to be rude.
Obviously I have a vested interest in the topic. My relationship has an 11 year age gap. Everyone seems to have their own opinion on it, though there is a running trend; what are the intentions? Anyone has a chance to be taken advantage of, so I find it very unfair when people assume someone older may just see you as a "toy", or that someone younger is just "using" them. I am just a big, sloppy romantic. I completely agree with most of what's been said, but I feel Faruzah summed it wonderfully (for my opinion). Does anyone disagree? If so, why? This is the debate forum, after all 
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| #12 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 3:34 AM | |
| php The Advertiser  1,518 Posts 353 Achievements |
  # Post start # echo " I typically follow a 2 year rule. Though it doesn't bother me at all for a 16-20 and whatnot. my dads 52, my stepmoms 29."; # Post end # ?>
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| #13 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 3:37 AM | |
| Marceline is Darksided!  3,774 Posts 498 Achievements |
Well, since my parents are 6 years apart, I have no problem with the age gap-- s'long as the guy's older. But I'm in my teens, so you would never see me around a guy who's like, 30. Somehow, I'm more attracted to guys who's like, 3-5 older than me. Omgidkwhy. o.o |
| #14 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 8:38 AM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
Said it before, will say it again, anything larger than 3+ years until people are considerably well into their life (late 20s+) is too much. No reason for teenagers to date people in their 20s, and no reason for people in their 20s to date someone in their 30s, unless they have extremely similar backgrounds and/or careers. Why? Because people will be at different stages in life.
Two people with a huge age disparity could turn out okay, but most don't.
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| #15 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 8:57 AM | |
Funky Forum Feli  185 Posts 81 Achievements |
I think it only matters to a certain extent. Say a 15 year old girl and a 30 year old dude or visa versa had some form of relationship now I would find that loveed up and disturbing but if a 18 year old and a 24 year old and so on want to date I think its fine. Honestly it depends on the matuarity level of the partners in the relationship and I mean hopefully if the older person ship is going one way in life by wanting to settle down so on and so forth and they found some one with the same dreams I don't see the problem
I'll be turning 21 in june and my boyfriend is turning 30 on new years and we've dated off and on in the past Probably one of the best relationships I've been in and I've always dated older men :3 |
| #16 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 2:19 PM | |
| SING is a SUPER USER!!!  7,322 Posts 391 Achievements |
It's really all a matter of who you are. I have a nineteen year old friend who's pregnant with her 35 year old boyfriends baby. Is it creepy? A little bit. But, whenever I see them together, I do feel love between them. He does care about her, and maybe there are secret motives behind his dating her, but they're pretty hard to see. When I was fifteen, there was a 21 year old that was interested in me. However, it was clear as day as to why he wanted anything to do with me- I was 15! I stayed away from him, but that's because *I* couldn't handle dating someone in a totally different stage of life than me. I mean, I'm a nineteen year old full time university student dating a twenty year old manager and I still find our lifestyles to sometimes be so drastically different that it's hard. I can't even begin to imagine what a 15 year old and a 20+ year old would even have to talk about.... As you move away from those changing years (preteen to like 30s) and get into a stable life pattern, I see nothing wrong with dating up or down. It's just that the problems mostly arise from totally different stages in life, hence why younger people should probably just stay around their age (for the most part!)
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I got your back Jack, doges be crazy.
| #17 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 6:51 PM | |
| You_Tell_Me Tongue Wagger  2,119 Posts 202 Achievements |
Love is love. Age doesn't play into it at all. All that matters is that two people love each other and the relationship isn't causing either of them harm. I don't see why we need ages involved and I don't see why we should judge people for loving who they do. I started dating my fiance when he was 21 and I was 17, jsyk.
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| #18 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 7:14 PM | |
| Magpye Only has Room for One  107 Posts 66 Achievements |
Younger age, smaller gap. Also, it has to be a HEALTHY relationship. If a 12 year old and a 14 year old are dating and they're kind and compassionate to one another, that's awesome. If two 14 year olds are dating and one is abusive/aggressive/controlling/etc, that is so not cool. I'd rather the 14 year old be happy with a young or older partner than unhappy with a same-aged one.
As it stands, I don't want to think about preteens in any sexual situations (Ew) but there are these small targets in which teenagers tend to have the same sort of behaviour, so it's all-righty if they date. So in my opinion, something like: 13 up to 15 14 up to 16 15 up to 17 16 up to 19 17 up to 20 18+ love you, I'm a dragon. When you're an adult, it's up to you to decide what is or is not a weird age gap. Personally, I wouldn't date anyone outside of my age range, and prefer older men (So, probably only up to 26) My grandmother was very happy for a while dating a man thirty years her senior, but when he became controlling and rather whiny, she left him. It seems weird for a thirty year old to date a sixty year old, but not so much for a sixty year old to date a ninety year old. It's society's perception of age ranges. There are many, smaller age ranges when you're younger, when you get older, there are fewer, because frankly, there are fewer people with which you can associate with anyway, as you age. You can't be picky about how much older than you they are. Also, it doesn't change regardless of physical sex, sexuality, or gender. People is people is people.
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| #19 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 7:43 PM | |
| RIZZOLI Gets Around  3,273 Posts 465 Achievements |
--- I'm okay with it. I believe age is just a number, but, it does weird me out to see 12/14 year olds dating 17/19 year olds. I'm 17 and my girlfriend's 19, but I don't really think that's much of a difference. [next year I'll be 18 anyway].
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| #20 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 8:06 PM | |
| Faruzah The Gourmand 5,725 Posts 836 Achievements |
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| #21 :: December 22nd, 2011 @ 10:23 PM | |
| Janet is a Mirage  6,086 Posts 754 Achievements |
I think a twenty year age difference is the limit (because really, by then the other person could be your parent...), although at ten years it's already a stretch; there's not much difference between ten and twenty to me. The younger partner should be at least 23 before dating someone who's ten years older than him or her. I think that five years (maybe six) is an acceptable age gap. Generally I see men as being the elder partner, but I suppose there's not much of a difference if a woman were to be the elder; still, even knowing that a woman is one year older than her husband seems a little off, but I guess that's just because you don't hear of it as much.
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| #22 :: December 23rd, 2011 @ 1:47 AM | |
| HETALIA is a Sun-Worshipper  2,816 Posts 520 Achievements |
 Last Edit by: User not found (1): Pokemoness 12/23/11 - 1:53:52 am
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| #23 :: December 23rd, 2011 @ 8:42 AM | |
| Saint Silly Spamming Sausage 401 Posts 118 Achievements |
Everything is great except that anime thing... That's too much for me...
That 20 year old is THINKING about sex, even if they're not having it. Inserting a 12 year old into the mix is disturbing. I don't care who you are, you don't know what being IN LOVE is until you are older. Being in love entails a lot of things children simply cannot grasp. My 17 year old self was not as mature as my 21 year old self. I wouldn't be with the person I am now if I had not grown and evolved into the person I am now. Of course ou can love at any age, but adult love needs to be recognised for how much harder, deeper, and invested it is. I hear kids tell bf/gf they have for a week "I love you" when they don't know what that means Not knocking the kids, everyone does it or has done it, but come on. The most mature teen in the 'verse could not match a mature adult. They just don't have the experience, period. The relationships you have forge you and how you deal with future relationships.
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| #24 :: December 23rd, 2011 @ 10:53 PM | |
| LilMissChibi is a SUPER USER!!!  3,085 Posts 259 Achievements |
I don't really like to date anyone older or younger than me by more than 3 years. At this point in my life, anyway, anything really beyond that (in either direction) means you have perhaps less to relate to with that person. (And younger, of course, since I'm over 18 is subject to laws. Although at 23 I can legally date (in my state) anyone over the age of 16, I don't really like the idea.) Last Edit by:
LilMissChibi 12/23/11 - 10:54:19 pm
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| #25 :: December 24th, 2011 @ 7:40 AM | |
| Saint Silly Spamming Sausage 401 Posts 118 Achievements |
I just turned 24 and I can't imagine what I would talk to a 16 year old girl about... No, no, I likes mine older.
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| #26 :: December 24th, 2011 @ 2:19 PM | |
| Athens is a Skilled Hooker  3,727 Posts 650 Achievements |
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| #27 :: December 25th, 2011 @ 12:58 AM | |
| MommaT Is a Survivor  438 Posts 407 Achievements |
 Age difference doesn't matter, but life stage does matter. When the people in a relationship are in different life stages, the relationship tends to fail. This is why relationships where one person is a senior in high school and the other is a freshman in college don't tend to make it past the first semester. One person has moved into a new life stage and the other has not. My boyfriend and I are the same age, and in the same life stage. My sister and her boyfriend are 11 years apart, and in the same life stage. There are some people who could have been born on the same day, but are in different life stages. 
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| #28 :: December 28th, 2011 @ 4:19 PM | |
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| #29 :: December 28th, 2011 @ 8:36 PM | |
| Jenni Do you have a life?  6,952 Posts 581 Achievements |
If it's not legal, then age makes a difference. Other than that it isn't my business if someone truly loves someone, yet they are years apart in age. Love is age and genderless. -shrugs-
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| #30 :: December 31st, 2011 @ 8:08 AM | |
| yak Do you have a life?  5,054 Posts 238 Achievements |
See, this is a real grey area for me. I fell in love with a man who's 39, but I'm 18, so there are a couple of issues with it seeing as my father isn't even 39. I'm not sure... I don't think it's wrong, but there are people who really, really hate it. They can't even fathom the idea.
However, what I do think matters is if people are younger. If there's a 13 year old dating a 16 year old, I find that wrong. And if the boy is the older one, it most often ends up with a sob story anyway. If you're 13, you should be dating 12-14 year olds. I know one 13 year old and she hangs out with her friends in a 21 year olds flat, and the thought of it makes me cringe. I'm not saint, but I just... I just don't know. To summarise: I think it's okay as long as you're an adult. When you're a child, it should always be within your age range, and never too much older. Listen to the law folks, it's there for your protection!
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| #31 :: January 2nd, 2012 @ 11:31 AM | |
is a Skilled Hooker  8,012 Posts 621 Achievements |
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| #32 :: January 12th, 2012 @ 3:11 PM | |
| Fienari Silly Spamming Sausage  240 Posts 119 Achievements |
 The older you get, the less age difference matters. (IMO) But I still wouldn't personally get into a relationship with someone who was 10+ years my senior or junior. I think the main issue isn't really age difference, but life experience and maturity levels. |
| #33 :: January 14th, 2012 @ 12:20 AM | |
| Aikaterine Donated to the Cash Shop  218 Posts 322 Achievements |
 I'm an 18 year old dating a 28 year old. It's pretty irritating to know that people can look at two numbers and decide from them that my boyfriend's manipulating me. Wheee. 
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| #34 :: January 18th, 2012 @ 1:07 AM | |
| Molly is a Mirage  3,592 Posts 492 Achievements |
@Saint I think it's not so much the age difference than the actual ages of the people - my parents are 15 years apart, but they sure didn't start dating when my mom was 10 and my dad was 25. Maturity isn't linear; the relationship between a 25 year old and a 40 year old is not, obviously, the same as that of a 10 year old and a 25 year old. In the same vein, I see no issue with a relationship between a 20 and a 25 year old, but I would say that 13 and 18 is a large jump at that age - disregarding laws about consent, the 13-year-old likely doesn't have the same decision-making capacity as the 18-year-old and probably wants different things from the relationship. I would say that age is "just a number" - after the younger of the couple has passed a certain age. It might not be the same age for everyone.
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| #35 :: January 19th, 2012 @ 7:07 PM | |
| Astrology is a Sun-Worshipper  3,178 Posts 640 Achievements |
I find age to be just a number, actually. I find the way someone acts or their maturity should make the value of a person and not how you were when you were 'younger.' I mean, sure, parents might be all 'he's a pedophile...she's too young...too immature....' etc. For me, I find that younger men don't know what they want in general [Or some at least] and ends up in a bad relationship. Or the girl is confused on what she wants. It seems all complicated and what not. And honestly, when that person is 50 and you or someone is 40, who is going to notice or care. IMO. Last Edit by:
Astrology 1/19/12 - 7:08:34 pm
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| #36 :: January 22nd, 2012 @ 6:59 AM | |
| Zerid is a SUPER USER!!!  83 Posts 583 Achievements |
Here's the math to avoid creepiness.
((older age)/2)+7 = youngest allowable age of partner So, to use an example from above, a 25 year old would be best suited with someone at least 19, while @Ariel and I are safe with my age of 31 allowing for anyone 22+. We often joke about how I was 19 when she was 12, but that's the whole point of how that equation works. It allows for larger gaps for older partners, while younger partners should tend to stick closer to their own age.
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| #37 :: January 22nd, 2012 @ 7:38 AM | |
| Carliro Only has Room for One  168 Posts 61 Achievements |
Depends on the maturity of each person involved.
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| #38 :: February 1st, 2012 @ 2:14 AM | |
| Lykaios Newbie  8 Posts 41 Achievements |
There's no hard and fast rule or cutoff number. For me, it depends on accumulated experience. The age gap seems less significant the older the participants are because the difference in life experience decreases with age. For example, I graduate from university this spring. Although the age difference between me and a grade 12 student is less than 5 years, I find the idea of being involved with a high school student quite disturbing. Your average high student has simply experienced far less than I have - I've moved out into a different city, I've been financially independent, I sign my own lease, I've gone through post-secondary education, I've been in serious relationships, I know how to look after myself now. Typical high students are just too different in world views, worries, achievements and expectations of life. I would be more comfortable being involved with someone in university, who is going through exactly what I am, or someone who recently graduated from university, who has gone through the same as me. 5 years older is less disturbing to me than 5 years younger because of the different experience gaps. Similarly, 5 years between a 30-year-old and a 35-year-old is fairly insignificant compared to between a 15-year-old and a 20-year-old.
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| #39 :: February 1st, 2012 @ 8:35 AM | |
| cerberus Funky Forum Feli  161 Posts 104 Achievements |
It depends on the person. When I was 13 I had a relationship with a 17 year old, who turned 18 a few months before I turned 14. He was an immature 17 year old and I was a mature 13 year old (a child, yes, but he was too - even at his age), so it was okay. It wasn't sexual either.
But if a regular or even a mature 13 year old had a relationship with a regular 17 year old... no. So, it depends. Regardless of maturity levels, I think I was at the max. there. 13 and 17, 14 and 18, that seems okay. As you get older it matters less. I don't think I could ever have a relationship with someone 20+ years older than me, even if I were in my 20s myself. I don't really get that. 10-15 years maybe. Right now I /definitely/ couldn't. I'm still young, haha. For myself I'd say 4-5 years maximum age difference. After that it just becomes creepy. I'd really start to doubt the intentions of the other person then. I'd think that someone obviously more mature than me would want a partner that was more mature as well. run you clever boy, and remember. |
| #40 :: February 1st, 2012 @ 4:31 PM | |
| innocence Gets Around  1,567 Posts 404 Achievements |
 I think under 18 the max. should be like 2 years, because that means they are still not even considered adults. But above 18, I guess around 5 years? I don't think it's possible to find someone who's the exact same age after like 22, because then you're done with school and having classmates that were born the same year as you. c; Tumblr Style File Deviantart
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