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Subeta Forums > Chit-Chat

#1 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 6:03 AM

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This is going to be completely unscripted, unthoughtout and well.. probably incredibly sloppy. But I've been watching my cousin's Tvlog on Youtube, and I've been having a bad week... And its weird that I'm taking a huge risk to try to cheer myself up.

Be warned: The following is about gender identification

I am bigendered.
I am female in body (XX) however, I identify as both genders (guy and girl). More to the point, I am a straight woman sharing a female body with a bisexual guy.
(Side note: Dear 12th grade English teacher: Having a beard doesn't make you a guy. It's having a Y chromosome that makes you male.)
Being bigendered is different for everyone who identifies as bigendered however for me it is a distinct guy personality and a distinct girl personality. Something like a split personality. It is recognized as a subset of the transgendered group.
Wikipedia has a shockingly good article about bigendered if you need definition questions answered.

My guy persona goes by Quinn. He is, as mentioned, bisexual. He enjoys tea, and good books (pretentiously by a fire), has a habit of talking like a bloody Brit and is occasionally very nasty to those who bash others for simply being different. He is the classic big brother and has ended up adopting several of my female friends as his little sisters. He's an EMT at heart, and if someone is hurt in some way, he tries to figure out what happened and what he could suggest to help. He tends to refer to himself in third person, if anything to make a distinction between him and my girl persona...

Who goes by Christy/Christina, which is my given name. She's straight. She likes coffee and entertaining movies. She's very "hold me" sort of cuddly, but also has the habit of holding people she's cuddling with like a baby. She loves hugging. She cusses like a pirate and is savagely defensive of those that she's claimed as her family. She wants nothing more out of life than to be a wife and mother.

I actually see a more obvious distinction between Quinn and Christy than other people. Granted, I can actually hear the guy-thoughts floating through my head, but I mean. I notice when I walk straighter and when I walk with a wiggle in my step. I notice when I'm looking at posters of guys or dream wistfully of my happily ever after (Yeah, lets make that sound more pathetically girly-girly). I definitely notice when I'm looking at girls. And I notice how I think about guys, too. There's a difference between how a gay man and a straight woman considers guys as a romantic partner. There's some days when I'm talking to my friends online (mostly girls) and I feel like I'm one of them, and then I feel like I'm the big brother who's just... keeping an eye on them.

I haven't told my parents yet. I only told my sister who was replied "oh. Okay. As long as you're happy." My parents do know I like girls, but only as a bisexual woman. I'm afraid of how my family will react. One of my cousins is a transman but it wasn't their daughter who came out and said that "she" was a "he". And it definitely will be hard trying to explain that I'm both. I think I want to tell them when I'm able to move out, just in case.

Preemptive answer to "Which pronouns do you use?" Both. Its super easy to tell here whether to say he or she, just check out the avatar. But generally I go with male pronouns online.

Uh. That's it? Stay classy, Subetians. DFTBA

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#2 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 8:28 AM

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Whatever floats your boat. ^^

On a side note, the Y-chromosome do not make you a guy. There are plenty of women born with that thing, and I doubt they'd be happy to be labeled male just because of it. Gender is more than the snake in your pants, and all that. ;]

#3 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 9:09 AM

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Point well taken, but my English teacher said that he was a man because he had a beard and a deep voice.

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#4 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 10:16 AM

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@Aya_57
Oh, I feel you bro. If I had to define my gender, I'd be agendered/male, but definitely not female.
I know my mom has nothing against gays and lesbians, but I have no idea how she'd react to me telling her I'm transgendered.
I mean, I kind of really want to order a binder because my boobs are seriously making me depressed and I want them out of my sight, but if I ask her to order it for me, it'll be like a huge "HI I DON'T LIKE MY BOOBS I WANT TO BE A GUY" slap in the face, you know?
(I mean, I could say it's for cosplay (which is partially true) but obviously she would notice if I started using it out of cosplay too, so.)
Ah, the joys of wondering whether it's a good idea to come out or not.
My best friend sort of knows. I haven't directly told her, but she's not stupid. I've told my brother that I don't feel comfortable in my body though, which he is totally okay with. I'm honestly so grateful to have such an amazing and accepting little brother. <3

My god why do I always start rambling. I'm sorry. XD

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#5 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 12:24 PM

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@Mechanic
I completely understand what you're saying (halfthetime)
I would love to get a binder (would if I didn't look so feminine in the face e.o" ), but my mom would start questioning. Very quickly.

Chin up! I'm sure things will work out eventually.

Don't forget to be awesome
Wondering what Hamartia is? Click here for Hamartia\'s coming out thread

#6 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 12:41 PM

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A dying scream

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@Aya_57
Yup! Haha, mine would too. I honestly can't wait to move out.
Not because I don't like living with my mom and my brother, but because then I get to do like whatever the hell I want.
Thanks! I'm sure they will for you too. (:

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#7 :: January 30th, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

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I hope you feel a bit better now that you have that off your chest :3 for some weird reason, it's rather popular to be androgynous looking (I know that's not how you identify!) atm. As in, actors and singers and models are all at it...but the minute you say you are both genders, people look at you like you've gone crazy.

Which is why I stopped trying to find a label for myself! Some days I feel/dress male and some days I feel/dress female. And if anyone questions it, they get shrug in response. What I wear and how I present and who I love and what junk is in my pants is nobodies business but mine :3 Over the years I have come to terms with my gender issues, and took baby steps into accepting my body as it changed along the way. It does take time, but you do whatever you need to do to be comfortable with yourself. I am quite happy without having surgery or hormones, but that is different for everyone, and NEVER let anyone tell you you aren't "<insert gender> enough" because you "don't have <insert stupid stereotyped thing>", because it's BS. All you need to do to be a boy is BE one, identify as one, simple as. Oh god I'm rambling now, my point is, as you learn more about this new side to yourself, you will learn new ways to cope with it, new ways to get comfortable

be patient though, it will take time.

p.s @Mechanic Glad you have such an accepting brother/friend...I hope you always have somewhere safe to talk, I don't like my chest either!

Last Edit by: sugarpug 1/30/12 - 6:17:49 pm

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#8 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 12:39 AM

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I wish I was androgynous. But I'm far too feminine in the face. Probably once I lose weight I'd be able to pull it off, but I have to deal with it.

And that's the thing about gender identification. I was watching some other T-vlogs and there was a transman who leaned towards Androgyny/Boi/feminine man. And a lot of people had asked him why he wanted to have top surgery and everything to be able to be a man, when he still wore make up and was a girly sort of guy. And he described it as on a scale, one side being a girl, one side being a guy, with the fifty percent mark in the middle, and he was halfway between 50% and a guy. Gender is all in your head. (Sex is in your pants)

Doesn't Lady Gaga have a guy persona? Anyway, thanks. ^^

Don't forget to be awesome
Wondering what Hamartia is? Click here for Hamartia\'s coming out thread

#9 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 4:18 AM

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@Aya_57 You can be andro no matter what you weigh! Everyone seems to think only slim, white people with short hair are andro, but it's not true. This is going to sound odd, but do you have a Tumblr? There are TONNES of them, dedicated to the different way people present, along with some pretty insightful text posts too.

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#10 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 9:31 AM

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I mean my face is too girly, unless I did a lot of work, I'd have a very difficult time being able to be andro. And I'm thinking that once I lose weight, my face won't be as round, so maybe I'll be able to pull it off...

I do have a tumblr. Do you follow any andro Tumblrs?

Don't forget to be awesome
Wondering what Hamartia is? Click here for Hamartia\'s coming out thread

#11 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 12:12 PM

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@Aya_57 I follow quite a few (Though a lot of mine are based around fat bodies too, because, well, I am fat haha)
Warning, naked bodies ahead!:
loveyeahchubbyqueers.tumblr.com/
genderqueer.tumblr.com/
loveyeahgenderqueers.tumblr.com/
loveyeahtransfats.tumblr.com/
(Obviously "love" should be the f word lol)

Plus if you search for various keywords in the tags search, you'll probably find more (eg. trans/queer/genderqueer/androgynous) I know people think Tumblr is for hipsters, but for me it has been an endless source of information! A lot of those tumblrs are safe spaces too, so ou don't have to worry about getting negative remarks.

I must add, the label of "gender queer" might be what you're looking for? It means different things to different people, but mostly people see it as a middle ground, like you said, 50 - 50.

Last Edit by: sugarpug 1/31/12 - 12:13:45 pm

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#12 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 12:19 PM

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Thanks! I'm checkin' them out now.

(also you can change your language filter in your preferences, so it won't censor the f-word and other swears.)

Don't forget to be awesome
Wondering what Hamartia is? Click here for Hamartia\'s coming out thread

#13 :: January 31st, 2012 @ 12:27 PM

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@ Aya_57 Aha, I knew there must be a way haha.

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