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Writing (Review please?)
#1 :: March 15th, 2012 @ 6:45 PM
MaroonSurreal
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http://www.teenink.com/nonfiction/personal_experience/article/443272/Untitled/#.T2Jq28KvM1k.tumblr
Another submission posted on Teen Ink! Click on the link to get there. Please review and rate. Much better if you�ll share it with others. Thank you so much.

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Windy. Cold. Dry ice in my chest. Whenever I sigh, it gets colder inside. It�s the feeling of regret. Frustration. Disappointing outcomes of a presumptive love. Presumptive because of silly suppositional incidences. I feel so down.

Thinking about those words, the touch, the approaches, small distances between us just feel so right until realizing that I�m just fantasizing myself with those little and no good things that I am the only who is seeing. They were sensational to me. Felt like a �soul mate� thing �we�re having the same feeling. The way I am crazy for you is just the same craziness you feel about me.

Falsehood. I feel dumb. I liked it but felt sad about it. I�m feeling those things again with someone. I wish I don�t love like this.

Last Edit by: MaroonSurreal 3/16/12 - 9:39:35 am

Maroon Surreal ~*


#2 :: April 30th, 2012 @ 10:29 PM
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Alana

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@MaroonSurreal
I really, really enjoyed it! I love how you express so much in one-word sentences. I do that occasionally in my writing and I've found that it makes for some powerful context.
I'm really glad I came across this. It's the first time I've come across the Writing Discussion forum and I'm super excited now that I know it exists! I can get some feedback, too, hopefully. :)
Keep up the great work! XD


#3 :: May 12th, 2012 @ 9:55 AM
Trick-Dash
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The girl's just a trick...

I felt like this line: "Thinking about those words, the touch, the approaches, small distances between us just feel so right until realizing that I'm just fantasizing myself with those little and no good things that I am the only who is seeing" - was far too confusing. I think you'd benefit from breaking this line up or at least punctuating the line in some manner to not trip your reader up.

I did like the beginning of this piece. I'm not a fan of this type of poetry, but the idea of dry ice in your chest is a nice image.

...with a dash of wit.