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C R E A T E A D |
How do you deal with being alone?
| #1 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 2:34 AM | |
 OwseyPosting Machine v2    139 Posts 153 Achievements  
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(Please don't take this as me being whiney or whatever. I am genuinely at a point where I don't know what to do or how to deal with how I feel.) I don't really have friends. You know. Actual friends. Ones that I can call and say "hey come over and let's just hangout!" In fact, I haven't had a friend like that for about 4 years now. I have a girlfriend, but she lives far from me and we are together every two, sometimes three, weeks for a few days at a time. While I'm at home, that's where I mostly stay. At home. I go nuts with myself. I don't have friends. I can't drive. The friends I did have, replaced me. It's a rare thing when someone calls me and wants to hangout. Last month, it happened once. I know, I can sit on the computer and talk to people that way. But that seriously doesn't help at times. What can you suggest I do? Pick up a hobby? And really... How do I deal with the the fact that the majority of people I know neglect me? Even my "best friends" rarely make an attempt to talk to me. It really... sucks. I hate feeling like I don't matter anymore. I'd like suggestions. Thank you.
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| #2 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 2:48 AM | |
| Blir Has a Massive Family  11,527 Posts 845 Achievements |
I can relate to this quite a lot, and I can honestly say that being alone doesn't have to be so bad! I used to have a ton of friends during highschool, but ever since I graduated my old friends and I distanced ourselves from each other because of getting busier, moving, going to different schools, etc. I only have 2 friends besides my boyfriend, and both of them are too busy for me. One I see maybe 1 time every 3 months, and the other about the same. My boyfriend I'm fortunate enough to see often, but besides him I really don't have anybody I can just call up on a whim either. Picking up hobbies is the #1 thing that's making me actually feel GOOD about being alone. I've started doing yoga recently and I love it. It's something that for me I would prefer to be alone anyway, since yoga requires a relaxed environment. I recently bought a yoga mat for under $15 and I watch videos on youtube or make my own routines with moves I've researched (: I also have a gym pass so I go pretty much daily to use cardio machines or lift light weights. If you don't have a gym nearby then you could always workout at home; jog around your neighborhood, do ab workout routines, etc. It not only keeps you busy, but keeps you healthy, so it's a win-win. Art is my #1 hobby though. I draw pretty much constantly when I can. Buy a bunch of cheap books online or at a local thrift book store. Go to thrift stores and look for cute new clothes. Look up recipes and make yourself a nice meal for 1. I know for me it was hard to get comfortable knowing it's perfectly normal to go places alone. I used to not even be able to go out for coffee without inviting someone with me. But now that I don't really have that option anymore, I just suck it up and run errands alone, shop alone, whatever. I'm not scared of looking like a 'loner' because honestly you'd be surprised how many people do normal things like that by themselves. I realized that I was the odd one for feeling so uncomfortable on my own. Just remember to keep yourself busy and know that it's not JUST you. There are lots of people in this situation. Just keep your head up and realize that someday, you'll make new friends. Whether it is a few weeks or years from now, new opportunities will arise and you may make friends in unexpected places. A new job, new school, your gf introducing you to her friends, etc. Just remember that nothing is wrong with you, it just seems like your past relationships didn't work out and there's nothing wrong with that. It's life- people move, people change, people become busy. I hope I've somewhat helped you out. My bf and I are both dealing with a lot of friend-abandonment so stuff like this is something we seriously discuss all the time. We basically have each other and our families and that's it. Never feel like you are insignificant or unimportant, because there are people out there who DO care about you! Last Edit by:
Blir 4/09/12 - 2:51:48 am
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| #3 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 3:44 AM | |
| VIP is a DANCING QUEEN  3,199 Posts 611 Achievements |
makes no sound @Owsey I've never had very many friends, but since I moved on to senior high school, I've only really kept in touch with one. I sometimes chat with my other friends on facebook, but that's about it. My best friend has started hanging out with one girl a lot more though, so I constantly feel alone, especially at school.  Do you have any siblings? My brother is really sweet and he's like another best friend to me, so we always hang out when we're not doing stuff with other people. I guess my other way of dealing with it is drawing and being on the internet all day. It doesn't give me friends, but it makes time go so fast I forget that I'm alone. Hm, what else... You could try going for a new hobby, if there's something that interests you. If it's a group hobby, you might make new friends there, and if it's something you do alone, it's a great way to spend time with yourself. Whatever suits you best. (:
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| #4 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 2:00 PM | |
| Ravenclaw Attended a Subeta Meetup!  7,744 Posts 1,030 Achievements |
 being alone doesn't have to be a negative thing! i don't have any friends whatsoever outside of my boyfriend and a girl i met online 6 years ago that i keep in touch with. i used to feel so sorry for myself and think i was this big loser that would never amount to anything because i couldn't keep/make friends, but i know that doesn't define me at all. just remember you're not alone in this, you matter, and keep positive about YOU as best as you can. find something you love doing! right now i'm super into these crayon on canvas things and since the weather's been pretty nice where i live i've been doing a bunch of these outside. if you need someone to talk/rant to, hit me up! c:
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| #5 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 3:51 PM | |
is a SUPER USER!!!  118 Posts 186 Achievements |
Two of my close friends live in California and my best friend lives in Kentucky. I live in Georgia. Like Ravenclaw said, being alone doesn't have to be negative. I enjoy sitting in bed and reading, spending an ungodly amount of time on tumblr, etc. I talk to my friends and family on MSN and things like that. :]
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| #6 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 8:24 PM | |
| Nightingale Gets Around  4,379 Posts 468 Achievements |
@Owsey To be honest, I was raised to know how to entertain myself. My mother saw it as a necessity, and it has been one of the greatest life lessons I've ever been taught. That I believe is the core of the problem. Learn to appreciate silence, and yourself. Being alone can be a great gift in such a busy world. You do not want to spend your life as a person who cannot be alone, who always needs to have friends, people, family to entertain you. What pleasures do you enjoy in life? Many social activities can be enjoyed solo. You can read, watch movies, watch tv, pick up crafting hobbies. There are thousands of things in this world that you can do without other people around. Just sit and appreciate silence, have a good think, create art, if you're not creative relish in a timed math challenge. Whatever gets you going. Now that you're recognizing this is something that bothers you, now is the time to begin practicing enjoying being alone. It is really a good thing to know, because you aren't always going to have people who will be around to entertain you.
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| #7 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 9:31 PM | |
ren 2,751 Posts 1,147 Achievements |
 I strongly agree with LacieI also was raised to entertain myself and found that having company was an option but not necessarily a need. I pretty much echo everyone else. Being alone doesn't have to be a bad thing, but that's coming from someone who gets their energy by being alone in a room. I like being alone because people tend to only bring me stress (usually only in real life, talking online is so much less stressful to me). I get more things done when I'm left to my thoughts. Hobbies are great to pick up. Knitting, cross-stitching, latch-hooking, drawing, singing, watching movies. Find something that you're passionate about and learn more about it. When you do start to make friends, because it will happen, you will have a lot more to talk about (not saying you don't have things to say already  ). Keep your chin up! I know you said it doesn't always work to talk to people online, but just know that I'm always a click away and I'm on often if you ever want to rant/get something off of your chest! |
| #8 :: April 9th, 2012 @ 10:03 PM | |
 VOLGAis a Time Lord  5,654 Posts 423 Achievements |
 If you're more introverted, or even ambivert - it's not going to be such an uphill struggle. For me, enjoying being alone is easy; I used to wish for closer friends, but I rarely actually enjoyed spending much time around them. It made me uncomfortable, but when I was alone for a few days, I'd forget about the uncomfortable feelings and wish I was around others again. Now I don't romanticise the idea of close friendships, and know I'll never be comfortable around others to that degree - so I've sort of come to peace with the idea of alone-ness. You need to be comfortable being alone with your thoughts, for a start. If you can amuse yourself with your own mind, boredom is no longer an issue. Find something you're interested in, that will occupy your time... maybe learn something (languages etc.), start watching the most highly rated films of all time (this really got me into film), explore obscure music genres until you find one you adore, find a way to express yourself (produce/play music, make art, write something - I still struggle with this). Good luck! Didn't mean to turn this post into a tl;dr one, but oh well 
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| #9 :: April 10th, 2012 @ 3:22 AM | |
| Tomorrow is a Mirage  3,948 Posts 610 Achievements |
I know that feeling. I rarely get out, and most of my friends are complete introverts like me anyway.
I substitute real life by lots of loud music, art and reading. And my lizards. Probably not the best thing, but it works for me. -shrugs- I also go out to a convention every once in a while. Maybe get a hobby? You would be surprised by how easy it is to talk to people who share something in common with you.
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| #10 :: April 10th, 2012 @ 3:54 AM | |
| Kaderin_Triste Member  32 Posts 263 Achievements |
Well, I can't necessarily relate to how you're feeling, because while you seem to want/need attention from an outside source, I tend to do just fine on my own without attention. However, since you've been stuck by yourself and it's starting to drive you crazy, I'd recommend, as most people have, getting a hobby.
There are many things you can do. If you have the creativity or desire to do so, you may pick up writing or art. For something crafty, you could try knitting/crocheting, sewing, anything really. Or I'd recommend reading. Pick up a good book, you'd be surprised how fast the time can go when you're lost in a good book. Or if you're not into books, as a good majority of the people I meet are these days, sadly, you could try video games. Not the most intellectually stimulating of things, but they do make the time go by quickly.
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| #11 :: April 12th, 2012 @ 4:22 AM | |
| Halloween is ZOMBIE LONG TIME  1,139 Posts 630 Achievements |
 As everybody else has stated - either get comfy in your own skin and relish in your "me-time", or get out there and participate in things! Get a job, start a language class, learn a skill, volunteer for something, take on every opportunity that comes your way  And do it all with a smile! Once you're confident in yourself and you can comfortably converse with the people you meet along the way, you'll naturally slip into a friendship and before you know it, you'll be hosting poker nights/dinner parties/movie nights at your place and laughing yourself stupid with your nearest and dearest  
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| #12 :: April 12th, 2012 @ 11:31 PM | |
| Cornflakes Only has Room for One  20 Posts 65 Achievements |
So, this is my situation. I'm in the same isolated boat. I generally hate people, as they tend to demand an inordinate amount of attention and want to prattle on about silly uninteresting things, and unload on you with all their problems and use you for one purpose or another. I care about people too much and I'm constantly being taken advantage of. As a result, I have slowly and surely rid myself of virtually all friends. I'm basically a hermit who lives vicariously through her computer. People cause me so much pain and anguish that I would rather be alone. I absolutely hate liars, the insincere, gossipers, and back-stabbers. That pretty much eliminates all people within in a 200-mile radius. (I live in the South. Enough said.) How do I deal with it? Eh, I guess I slowly got used to it. I drift around various forums but I haven't found a permanent home yet. I'm too direct and opinionated for most people's tastes, so I tend to get hated on quite a bit. Not really much I can do about it. People and I are just always going to be mutually exclusive.
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| #13 :: April 13th, 2012 @ 3:15 AM | |
| ixtab Gets Around  7,988 Posts 644 Achievements |
play video games, play with pets, think an unhealthy amount about philosophical, futuristic, conspiracy, or any kind of theory. it's addicting really. it seems to me the world in my head is larger than the world outside of it. you could read random wikipedia articles, take up gardening or cooking. i like sciency stuff like that kit where you make butterflies and stuff. dunecraft.com has "micro gardening" kits and there's this cool windowsill box thing on thinkgeek.com where you make your own oyster mushrooms. you can do whatever you want, that's the beauty of it. think about things you dont understand, want to understand, things you dont like to talk about or don't even want to think about. these kinds of threads always interest me as i've grown so fond of my loneliness. good luck~  Last Edit by:
ixtab 4/13/12 - 3:20:12 am inky! by |
| #14 :: April 13th, 2012 @ 3:52 AM | |
| Lyriel Made a Living  5,329 Posts 929 Achievements |
i hope i don't hurt you but have you thought about WHY people replace you and talk do you rarely? when many people do that, than it's not because of those people, but because of the person who is replaced i made the experience that people who talk about themselves in a bad way, normally get replaced by other, more positive people even if you don't think that you talk bad about yourself, act positive and happy, it can be that others think you are just playing, you aren't yourself, and even that alienates others i simply don't care about what people say, and that brought me to the best friends in my life, i would never ever want to miss and those were mostly (2 of the 3) a bit shy, and always thinking what others said - but we (my other friend and i) brought them to simply don't care, and enjoy the life just think what is good about you, and what others DON'T want to replace  |
| #15 :: April 14th, 2012 @ 9:26 PM | |
| Lisa Has a Massive Family  11,777 Posts 963 Achievements |
 Sounds just like me, except I don't have a boyfriend. My friends live too far away to visit more than once a week...and every time, it's always me who has to drive to their places, never the other way around. Around town I don't have any friends, at least not ones that I can call just to hang out. And you're right, after a while, talking to people on the computer just doesn't do it at all. I listen to music a lot (CELTIC WOMAN FTW ), mess about in my garden, walk in the woods, walk around town, lay in the sun, sometimes do something with my mom...I don't do a lot with my dad because it seems like every time we're together, he just criticizes me. *shrug* I'm hoping my life will get better soon...I just do what I can until then. What else can you do? Maybe once I can find a second job, I'll meet more people, I don't know. This job I have now, there's not really anyone friend-worthy here.
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| #16 :: April 15th, 2012 @ 12:18 AM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
@Owsey 1. Learn to drive. Just find a way to make it happen. There are a million excuses not to do something, just DO THIS.
2. If you don't have a job, get one. Any crappy job will do. These two things will dramatically raise your self-esteem and should help a lot of other things just fall into place. If you've done these two things and it's still not enough, get into therapy at least once a month for your self-esteem issues and/or possible depression. Your problem isn't being alone, it's being unhappy with your life.
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| #17 :: April 15th, 2012 @ 8:44 AM | |
| Magpye Only has Room for One  107 Posts 66 Achievements |
@Owsey
I can't relate to you very well, so I might not make much sense =) I don't place any value in friends. I graduated in 2007 after years of just having people as a cover, to sit with at lunch so I wasn't alone and I could surround myself, so people outside of my "friend group" wouldn't pay as much attention to me. Since then, I haven't hung out with a single friend. Don't get me wrong, I like people, a lot! I'm a very personable person. I enjoy having my boyfriend with me (We live together) and visiting family, and when his friends come over they don't get a cold shoulder, I often engage them as much as I can. My first suggestion is... Are you still in school? Working? If you're in high school, don't sweat it as much. You'll be out of there soon, I promise. Maybe you could join a club at school to spend time with like-minded people? If you're working, try interacting with your coworkers. Talk about something you care about, I guarantee someone there has a similar thing-they-care-about. If you live on your own, one thing I can't recommend enough- as long as you don't have any fears/allergies/etc- is to get a dog. Dogs can seriously open up your world. There's someone there when you come home, and you can take a dog on a walk. Walk to an outdoor cafe one day, see how many people stop to pet your dog and ask about him. Walk to a dog park, and there will be people there who have the same love of dog you do. Start a dog walking or playgroup, and have a meeting weekly with people who will eventually become friends. Or, just walk around with your dog and have fun. I'd definitely take up a hobby of some kind, though. Scrapbooking seems to be big, and people tend to do it together. Knitting, sewing, dancing, swimming. Whatever takes your fancy.
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| #18 :: April 22nd, 2012 @ 7:25 PM | |
| Ley The Gourmand  1,254 Posts 1,065 Achievements |
Quote By @Cornflakes:
OMG...you just described my life. Especially the part about caring too much about people. I also learned that pretty much all the friends I considered to be the truest weren't even there for me in times of trouble when I cared so much about them. When you have a really big heart and care for people, it isn't an easy thing when they hurt you!
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