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Can derogatory terms be affectionate?
| #1 :: April 30th, 2012 @ 5:35 AM | |
 SAILORis FIERCE    6,756 Posts 575 Achievements  
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I ask this question because I often refer to myself, and close friends as 'Queer' or 'bundle of sticks' in an affectionate way. I didn't realize how some people found this utterly atrocious until last week someone pulled me up out of my seat on a bus, and preached to me how disrespectful he found the terms I was using. After explaining to him how I didn't mean them in a derogatory, as I was Gay. Where do you stand on this? If you heard someone say such a thing in public would you speak up and say something? Or like me, pass it off? Last Edit by:
SAILOR 4/30/12 - 5:42:40 am
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| #2 :: April 30th, 2012 @ 11:13 AM | |
| You_Tell_Me Tongue Wagger  2,119 Posts 202 Achievements |
I think it is completely possible to use otherwise derogatory words in an affectionate way, like calling a baby a 'cute little idiot'. However, when you are using downright offensive terms in public, I'd be more wary. Many of these words are triggers for some people, a kid who got bullying everyday at my high school will still flinch anytime a homosexual slur, such as bundle of sticks or queer, is used. Its okay to use these words when you're with friends who are okay with it and understand you're joking, however when you're in public with people you don't know, I'd advise against it. At best its thoughtless and rude, and at worst it's belligerent and offensive. If I heard somebody use an anti-gay slur loudly in public, and I perceived them as serious, I would step in and ask why they used that word. If they explained that they were just messing around and were in favor of homosexual rights, I would just advise them that they might want to save that for somewhere more private.
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| #3 :: April 30th, 2012 @ 4:14 PM | |
| Lacy Forum Grand Master  15,266 Posts 261 Achievements |
I think he would be very hurt if I called him an idiot. Even a cute little idiot. My fiance and I joke to each other, a lot. We make fun of each other, but have an understanding. That's where the difference is. If someone doesn't understand your humor, then calling them a fag or idiot would certainly offend them. And someone sitting on the bus who does not understand your friendship would assume the same thing. There are million ways to joke with someone, and not everyone will understand it. If I heard someone call another person a derogatory name, I would probably defend the other person. Even if they were friends, I don't know that. I don't understand that bond. I would stick up for the person on the receiving end.
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| #4 :: May 1st, 2012 @ 2:59 PM | |
| Fyre is a Time Lord  195 Posts 698 Achievements |
My friends and I call each other all sorts of names that are technically insults, but we use them as terms of endearment - wench is the one that comes up most often. I can see how a lot of the stuff we call each other could be found offensive by people overhearing, so I try to be careful to only use them in private conversations, texts, emails etc. There are so many different people, perspectives and opinions, that it's almost guaranteed that at least one person somewhere will be offended by a term. I once answered a call where the gentleman hadnt told me his name, so I said "could you tell me your name please, sir?" and he went completely ballistic, saying how rude I was being. On the one hand, I try to keep what I say in public as neutral and non-offensive as possible, but on the other hand, you can't please everyone so I try not to worry about it too much. My friends and I know we have reached that very special level of bond when we spend our entire conversations insulting each other. I guess it all depends on the relationship you have with the person. Strangers/members of the public dont have that level of relationship with you, hence they cant always tell if you are being serious or joking I tend to go more by tone and non-verbal signals than the actual words. If someone was shouting, and being aggressive, or obviously directing at someone in an insulting way, I would step in, but otherwise I would let it pass. Last Edit by:
Fyre 5/01/12 - 3:01:18 pm
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| #5 :: May 2nd, 2012 @ 3:06 AM | |
| stijn The Doctor  13,352 Posts 756 Achievements |
yes. whether something is affectionate depends on the people using the word on each other. no isn't a possible answer, and if you think it is yuo're a dumbass. Last Edit by:
stijn 5/02/12 - 3:06:30 amjoin #stijn |
| #6 :: May 2nd, 2012 @ 9:40 AM | |
| Pizzey is a SUPER USER!!!  135 Posts 263 Achievements |
I agree with @stijn .
Whatever the word is, it's meaning depends on the person saying it really. I call my friends doges and hoes, and my boyfriend butt. Sure, screaming profanity in public isn't great, but the people around should be able to tell whether or not you mean it in a hurtful way before lecturing you about it. |
| #7 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 4:34 AM | |
| Gylfie Donated to the Cash Shop  4,195 Posts 365 Achievements |
Believe me to be...
all depends on the people and where you're saying the term. For instance, I openly call them whores when we're hanging out, but if I say that they're a whore to other people, then they think I'm back-stabbing my friend. It's actually quite complicated. But yes, they can be used as terms of endearment. It depends on the surrounding people, the receiving person, and generally how well you're liked (because if you're considered the dogy chick who no one really likes, then all hope of endearment is lost, unfortunately). If you get what I'm saying. ... very sincerely yours
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| #8 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 6:38 AM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop  102 Posts 107 Achievements |
 Have to agree entirely with @Gylfie Very well said. I use derogatory terms like "dog, whore, person of questionable reputation" and saying things like "Oh my god, you're so stupid." or things like that all the time with my friends. I never, ever dabble in racial slurs or anything derogatory against the LGBT community (seeing as I'm a pansexual gender fluid soon-to-be trans and I find them deeply offensive myself). I don't use them with significant others, though. I have a strict rule about not EVER referring to any of my partners as baby, because I would get offended as love if someone called me baby. I'm very careful with pet names in that aspect. I'm in the BDSM community as well and my Mistress uses derogatory names and remarks as a sort of humiliation tactic, which actually is a fetish for many people, including myself. With all that said, I do think they can be used affectionately, definitely, but there is a limit. It really depends on your tone, how you say it, what context you're using it in, how you present yourself, etc. . . To be honest, if you were in public and I heard you saying the word 'queer', god forbid I hear 'bundle of sticks', to someone, I would probably impulsively slap and/or fight you out of sheer anger. I'd be horribly offended and would probably give you a stern lecture, even after knowing you identify as gay. Idk, it would just really strike a nerve with me, and I'm someone who's very easy-going when it comes to derogatory words and phrases. I think it's to each their own, though. Depends on a lot of different factors. /:  Last Edit by:
Sabre. 5/03/12 - 6:42:56 am
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| #9 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 8:18 AM | |
| Lyude Silly Spamming Sausage  364 Posts 148 Achievements |
 Quote By @Sabre.:To be honest, if you were in public and I heard you saying the word 'queer', god forbid I hear 'bundle of sticks', to someone, I would probably impulsively slap and/or fight you out of sheer anger. I'd be horribly offended and would probably give you a stern lecture, even after knowing you identify as gay. Idk, it would just really strike a nerve with me, and I'm someone who's very easy-going when it comes to derogatory words and phrases. I hope that was hyperbole, mainly because that's an extremely disproportionate response. Offense is rarely ever given (in the sense that someone goes out of their way to specifically offend): offense is taken. If you don't want to be offended by something, you can just choose not to be. I know that sounds kind of silly at first, but as a gay man a little older than you, I remember what it was like to be in your position not all too long ago. I could go on at length about what led me to my revelation, but I'll spare the details and just say that I learned that you can just... choose not to be offended. Even if the content in question hits extremely close to home. Just forget it. Don't care. Most people that "offend" you somehow, you'll never see again. Trying to "correct" people by lecturing or even politely explaining almost never works, and you run the risk of being perceived as snobbish and self-righteous. Most people are way too entrenched in their worldview to let some stranger 'educate' them. You just end up feeling craptier. It's a waste of perfectly good energy and it's emotionally draining. I've been really mellow and relaxed since. At this point, I could probably walk past a Westboro protest hand-in-hand with my boyfriend and not flinch. @SAILOR / topic: Definitely. Anyone can ascribe their own meaning to words. My friends and I freely refer to each other as "bundle of stickss". I'm a member of a very particular club, and the club members refer to each other as "nigloids" (a portmanteau of "dark-skinned" and "mongoloid"). That's quite possibly the most derogatory affectionate nickname I've ever heard, but it cracks me up every time I hear it. Still, I kind of preferred our old term ("broski").
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| #10 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 4:39 PM | |
| teatree is a Mirage  1,297 Posts 912 Achievements |
 @SAILORFor sure. Because in that way, you're kinda trying to abolish the derogatory meaning out of the terms and what is wrong with that? Some people love to greet each other with, "Hey, dog!" dog used to be really bad. Gay used to mean happy. Words change. And even if they *don't", we don't have to be personally offended by them. I also don't think it's anyone's business who calls another person what as a sign of affection. - - - - - - - - - - - - m e m e n t oh * m oh are i - - - - - - - - - - - - ~ yours truly, teatree { style-file } { banner by Maja }
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| #11 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 5:54 PM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop 102 Posts 107 Achievements |
@Lyude Okay, you're definitely right. My impulsiveness probably wouldn't solve a thing and probably wouldn't make me feel any better, but, to me, it'd feel better than just doing absolutely nothing. I'm just very opinionated (openly so, at that) and I would probably end up saying I was "loveing offended" or something of that nature while being aggressive (probably wrongfully aggressive, but whatever). Yeah, it's true that it's no one's business whatsoever what other people do (and I'm a firm believer in that). And I'm actually surprised I didn't think of just simply. . .not taking offense. I have that same theory only applied to stress and sadness. Sounds silly at first, but there's a lot to it if you really think it out. I don't normally get offended at things. In fact, it's hard to offend me, but when it comes to equality issues (in this case, derogatory commentary geared towards the LGBT community that's supposed to be taken in a different way). . .that is one thing that really, really bothers me. bundle of sticks is a word that will haunt me till the day I loveing die. Hearing it painted into playful syllables just makes me think that someone is trying to mock me or someone I know without us knowing or something. Idk. . . Okay, let's just sum it up to say that I'm only 20 and I'm still trying to figure out who the hell I am and I'm a VERY contradictory person (as you already noticed through my posts). :c I just know hearing those specific words would really, really bother me. u_u;
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| #12 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 6:08 PM | |
| Ayeaka is a Pumpkin Murderer!  1,879 Posts 477 Achievements |
It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life
I'd say it's more than possible. Words only have the meanings you give them, eh? In general, I'd say it's a good idea to avoid saying things you know could be potentially offensive or hurtful in public, but I've known more than one couple to jokingly (or even affectionately,) refer to each other as things like "Dick", "dog," etc. The thing is, THEY know it's not meant as an insult...and outsiders won't. Nor should outsiders be expected to. For me And I'm feeling good |
| #13 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 9:43 PM | |
 Follywoodis Darksided!  3,461 Posts 689 Achievements |
I think it's possible, but if you use offensive words in public you're opening yourself up to people criticizing you for that, which is a good thing. There are people out there who obviously do use offensive words in a hurtful way and it's important that people do tell them that it's not okay to be mean to others.
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| #14 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 11:06 PM | |
| Blir Has a Massive Family  11,545 Posts 849 Achievements |
If I heard someone calling someone a fag in public idk, I'm not the type to say something (unless someone is obviously being bullied), but I would feel a little strange. My boyfriend used to be the type of guy that would say "man that's so gay" to describe something and I always tell him how much it annoys me. It's like even when some African American people call each other the "N-word", even though I'm white and the word has nothing to do with me I still feel uncomfortable when I hear people say it just because I'm fully aware of the connotations it has and I'd never even dream about using that word, even as a joke. My old best friend and I used to be SO mean to each other omfg. We would seriously think of the dumbest most offensive names we could to call each other and most of the names included something like "lame-ass dog" in it and we'd tell each other we hated each other. Instead of saying 'hi' in the hallways at school we'd roll our eyes at each other or give each other a dirty look instead- then at lunch hangout and talk and joke like normal. I think if you have an understanding with someone then those things can definitely be affectionate since she was the only friend I ever did that type of stuff with because we just understood each other I guess. But idk, I wouldn't call her a dog in front of a bus full of people or something, since they obv wouldn't know that I mean it with affection. I jokingly call my boyfriend names sometimes and be like "awww, you're such an idiot" or if I'm jokingly mad I'll say "hey love you!" but I would never mean it seriously and he knows it. Same with pets. I call my boyfriend's rat terrier the "cutest little loveer I've ever seen" but I seriously love that puppy to death.
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| #15 :: May 3rd, 2012 @ 11:33 PM | |
| Rattata is a Time Lord  4,721 Posts 620 Achievements |
  My girlfriend and I use derogatory terms affectionately to each other all the time, but usually away from other people. It's just our thing. I mean, we call each other "genitals", even.  I wouldn't EVER call her that in public, though. I know that a lot of people would be shocked and offended by it.My friend's dad also calls his kids "idiots", but he means it jokingly and affectionately. So, yeah, people can use insults affectionately, but there are certain words that you shouldn't use in public. //shrugs Just common courtesy, imo. * * * * * * I saw the constellations reveal themselves one star at a time.
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| #16 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 10:15 AM | |
| RedSekhmet Do you have a life?  6,817 Posts 863 Achievements |
 It's certainly possible, my friends and I call each other idiots on a near daily basis and there's a few other terms like "silly ass" that my boyfriend and I call each other that we know are terms of affection and not insults, however in public you should watch you language. Words like dog or bundle of sticks or heaven forbid the N-word can in fact trigger someone to melt down on you, even if you were using the word as a term of affection. We had to remove a rather loud party of people from the restaurant once when I was a waitress because they were using language the other patrons felt uncomfortable with(in case you're wondering it was heavy swear and just about every dirty word you can think of). They complained about it, saying they weren't calling anyone but themselves that, but it was still getting complaints from every other table around them not to mention we had a lot of families with small children in that night. We asked them to leave pretty quickly because of their language.
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| #17 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 12:14 PM | |
| War is Darksided!  791 Posts 346 Achievements |
No stop to my spreading, Then again I say a lot of things to my friends that the normal public may take out of context... another example being when I say "You wanna fight?". I ask this a lot when my friends and I are being completely silly, but someone overheard this once and started freaking out thinking I was going to actually fight my friend, ahaha, It was pretty funny, in retrospect. Dunno. I swear a lot in general, but thats off topic. ;p Enter vicious circles,
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| #18 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 11:39 PM | |
| oki is a Sun-Worshipper  2,677 Posts 936 Achievements |
I think it's important for people to turn hateful things into harmless things by playing with them and claiming ownership of them. Otherwise there would be too many poisonous words and forbidden topics. And I think if someone overhears you and responds ONLY to the word, and doesn't recognize that you're using it with an affectionate tone of voice or in a friendly context, they're kind of an idiot. Last Edit by:
oki 5/04/12 - 11:41:56 pm
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| #19 :: May 5th, 2012 @ 3:41 PM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
@SAILOR It's possible, but an invitation to trouble given the current sociopolitical climate of the world. The news is nearly all delivered as soundbytes now, so as to allow for a larger number of topics to be discussed, and to allow for less-educated people to give a smart-sounding opinion. We have Twitter which forces people to sum up their thoughts in under two sentences. This means that all you think you need to hear is one or two keywords to understand the entirety of what a person just said. If a person said "gay marriage" you wouldn't know if they were conservative or liberal, if you heard "bundle of sticks" there's a good chance you would jump to the conclusion that this person is conservative.
The reality is that we truly cannot distill down our thoughts into such succinct phrases and still retain the meaning in most situations, especially when not among peers. We are not training ourselves to critically think anymore. In order to write good short sentences, you have to first be able to write good long sentences. It's like how people have to study anatomy even if they are only drawing anime-style figures. You have to see the big picture in order to understand the small one. People can fake an understanding of anatomy, but under the eye of an expert, it quickly is seen for the sham it is. Maybe if there were no taboo words, there would be no taboo feelings. It's a school of thought (that I can't remember the name of..) that if you don't give a name to something, it doesn't exist. This phenomenon is seen by anyone who knows several foreign languages. Idiomatic phrases vary by culture. Some cultures are better capable of explaining certain facets of humanity and the world, they have more words for it. The reclamation of words is an interesting thing. The people behind it obviously want to bring peace to people, but the process opens up a lot of wounds. It's hard to say if the reclamation will heal the wound or not, I don't think everyone is personally "up" to it honestly - most old Jewish people in their 80s aren't ever going to be happy when they see a swastika, no matter how many hipster Buddhists want to tattoo it on themselves. If it helps a majority of people someday, though, I suppose it's worth the effort from a utilitarian point of view.
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| #20 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 3:41 AM | |
| schoolyardscrimmage is a Skilled Hooker  428 Posts 249 Achievements |
@Sabre. @Lyude @SAILOR Last Edit by:
schoolyardscrimmage 5/08/12 - 3:48:55 am
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| #21 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 3:43 AM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop 102 Posts 107 Achievements |
@schoolyardscrimmage Oh wow. No, definitely not the same here. . . :/ That's viewed as a derogatory term where I live/at the college I attend. And if someone said it around me, I'd probably wonder what the love was wrong with them cuz it would offend/hurt me. . . ._.;
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| #22 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 3:47 AM | |
| schoolyardscrimmage is a Skilled Hooker 428 Posts 249 Achievements |
@Sabre. Last Edit by:
schoolyardscrimmage 5/08/12 - 3:47:24 am
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| #23 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 3:49 AM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop 102 Posts 107 Achievements |
@schoolyardscrimmage Idk, really. I've always heard it as an insult and I've never heard it said without a certain. . .tone to it, where it was meant to offend or hurt someone. I'm really touchy about my sexuality and that was pretty much the only thing I was teased for when I was little so it would really offend me. . . ._.; That's really cool that it's, like. . . a common word there used in a positive light, though. I wish more places were like that. . .
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| #24 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 4:05 AM | |
| schoolyardscrimmage is a Skilled Hooker 428 Posts 249 Achievements |
@Sabre. Last Edit by:
schoolyardscrimmage 5/08/12 - 4:13:05 am
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| #25 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 4:13 AM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop 102 Posts 107 Achievements |
@schoolyardscrimmage Holy wow. That's really amazing. Wherever you live must be a really nice, accepting place. . .or california. Lmao. I'm pansexual and going trans whenever I get the money. And, well, I'm a pretty effeminate guy and even though I'm COMPLETELY open about my sexuality (I'm actually extremely vocal about it, as I am about everything, as well. . .lol) if someone were to ask me if I were queer, I would wonder why they hated me (since I had never met them and, in my mind, done nothing wrong) and probably get either really angry or really depressed. I'm probably just overly sensitive. . .lol. I guess it's the way the tone goes but. . .as I've never heard it used in a neutral or positive tone, it's a pretty hurtful word in my book. But, eh, most people might be fine with it. I know around my area (and I live in Jacksonville, FL, which is a city with a population of 800,000+) I've met quite a good chunk of people, including many people in the lgbt community and I've never heard them even dare go near the word. :c
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| #26 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 4:24 AM | |
| schoolyardscrimmage is a Skilled Hooker 428 Posts 249 Achievements |
@Sabre.
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| #27 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 4:40 AM | |
| Sabre. Donated to the Cash Shop 102 Posts 107 Achievements |
@schoolyardscrimmage Haha, I kinda figured you had to be somewhere in cali. That's the one place that everyone seems to be really accepting. Never been there, though. Wish I could. :c Ohhey, I'm actually moving to Massachusetts in a few months. Haha. Maybe I'll meet some sweet, accepting people up in the north. c: That'd be really nice. Oh my GOSH, that sounds AMAZING.  Oh wow. I wish I could just come, like. . .visit you or something, jeez. That just sounds spectacular and I can't even imagine that. I'd be so ridiculously happy. Just to be surrounded by people who actually understand and people who aren't judgmental. . .it'd be like a dream come true.To be honest, I'm not all clear on the term 'queer' when one identifies it. I'm familiar with the derogatory definition as well as somewhat of the self identification definition . . .so you're explaining it a lot better than I've ever heard it. Haha. c:
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| #28 :: May 8th, 2012 @ 4:49 AM | |
| schoolyardscrimmage is a Skilled Hooker 428 Posts 249 Achievements |
@Sabre. Last Edit by:
schoolyardscrimmage 5/08/12 - 4:51:41 am
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| #29 :: May 10th, 2012 @ 2:44 PM | |
is a Skilled Hooker  1,520 Posts 707 Achievements |
That did change when I moved from Louisiana to Virginia and was approached by several individuals who told me I had no right using the term at all because I am white (truthfully I am only majority white, my grandmother was a beautiful African-American woman and skin color never factored into my upbringing). I never bothered to argue with it since I saw how much it hurt those people to hear the word out of my mouth, and soon it dropped out of my vocabulary entirely. So, yes, I do believed derogatory terms can be affectionate when the involved parties are aware that it is being used that way and not to be hurtful or abusive. I would not advise using them in public though, as those listening in can be hurt or insulted even if they are not intended that way. Last Edit by:
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| #30 :: May 13th, 2012 @ 11:38 AM | |
| StardroidJupiter is Shady  27 Posts 246 Achievements |
 As many others have said, derogatory terms can be affectionate when the parties involved all know that it's being used for affection and not for downright harmful or abusive nature. For example, a group of friends and I call each other our "favorite buttheads". And we know it's in fun. But we know not to do it in public because we know people will react far differently to hearing someone call someone else an "butthead". I mean, I use a few derogatory terms as affection, like with the friends I call my "favorite buttheads", or my dog who I sometimes call "fluffy little asshat" while playing around with and loving on her. Or some of my cats that I call "adorable dumbcraps". I forgive you, forget you, the end. |
| #31 :: May 22nd, 2012 @ 8:42 AM | |
| Tyrant Is a Survivor  796 Posts 215 Achievements |
 Honestly it depends on the person. I'm not one to call anyone by anything derogatory (I think the worst name I call anyone is a derp. xD) but I have names given to me all the time. I couldn't care less. My best friend calls me any variety of dog, genitals, whore, etc. She's probably the only one who can call me a genitals because I honestly hate the word and when I hear it it's like hearing nails on a chalkboard. Dx But it's all about when is the best time to say it and when it's not. If I was in public I wouldn't call my friends doges loudly because that can offend people. In private, as long as there is a consent that it's a joke, I wouldn't mind how crazy someone got. Personal preference.  Last Edit by:
Tyrant 5/22/12 - 8:43:19 am
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| #32 :: May 24th, 2012 @ 11:36 PM | |
| thoughtcrime is a Time Lord  414 Posts 363 Achievements |
absolutely!
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| #33 :: May 25th, 2012 @ 2:05 PM | |
| Ezeku Blabbermouth  910 Posts 72 Achievements |
I think they certainly CAN be affectionate, but you do have to be careful when using those terms in public. 'bundle of sticks' and 'Queer' especially are triggers for me, personally, as neither of those have ever been used toward me in a friendly sense, and while you may be gay, that does not make you immune to backlash from people who dislike the open and repeated use of that word. If I had been on the bus with you, I probably would have asked if you could stop using those words, regardless of the tone or intention of the conversation. To use that in the company of people when you don't know how they're going to react to it is somewhat inconsiderate -- while I am all for freedom of speech, some language can be severely damaging to people, and often-used slurs like bundle of sticks, Queer, and more commonly the 'n' word, can bring up bad memories for a lot of people. So, is it affectionate? Of course it is! My girlfriend calls me her bundle of sticks all the time, in private conversation. But when used by strangers in public, it's just downright uncomfortable.
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| #34 :: May 25th, 2012 @ 2:11 PM | |
| Azalea is a Sun-Worshipper  112 Posts 438 Achievements |
Yes, I think derogatory terms can definitely be affectionate- just in the right time and place. Also it depends on the personality of the person, I'm a sensitive person, so I would have to be really comfortable with someone to call them a dumbass or whatever, because I'm allllways worrying about other peoples feelings xD I think I would probably only call my siblings and close girl friends these names. And a long term boyfriend, maybe, but not if we've only just started dating.
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| #35 :: May 28th, 2012 @ 6:40 PM | |
| piano Gets Around  6,501 Posts 538 Achievements |
thanks subeta Last Edit by:
piano 5/30/12 - 4:31:48 pm
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| #36 :: July 6th, 2012 @ 8:55 PM | |
| Rhysling Newbie  5 Posts 52 Achievements |
I call my friends doges and refer to myself and others as fags. I think yes.
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| #37 :: July 7th, 2012 @ 1:05 PM | |
| Ulalume Posting Machine v2  108 Posts 228 Achievements |
then i figured out he has a real problem with reading and spelling. I never knew about this either because if he reads it to himself,he can tell me the jist of what he read . so i always figured he could read well. then he wrote me a note and i felt so horrible for ever calling him stupid. Almost every word was spelled completely wrong as in every word was spelled how it sounded or just wrong' . And i never knew how much ti hurt him for me to call him dumb. because he thinks he really is.but i think he has dysgraphia. he can do math exceptionally well So yes and no. derogatory terms CAN be affectionate among groups just be really careful who you call what and make sure it's ok.
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| #38 :: July 9th, 2012 @ 3:45 AM | |
| FoxPaw is a Mirage  137 Posts 367 Achievements |
They can be, it depends. Generally I find derogatory terms to be, well, derogatory. I occasionally call my friends dumb or stupid. Even "dog" slips out now and then and I don't really mean it. Going farther, and hearing farther, than that makes me uncomfortable. Especially bundle of sticks because I've had it thrown in my face a couple times, and not in a friendly way. Last Edit by:
FoxPaw 7/09/12 - 3:48:06 am
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| #39 :: July 9th, 2012 @ 8:30 PM | |
| Fortami Subeta Luva  47 Posts 17 Achievements |
Yes, it can be affectionate. But if someone does not like being called something - you probably should not call them that. Words meaning have a lot to do with the tone it is said in.
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| #40 :: July 13th, 2012 @ 9:58 PM | |
foxette 163 Posts 852 Achievements |
If you live in Australia, you'll know it's not what you say but how you say it. To the uninitiated, it sounds shocking but it is a term of friendship and endearment. 'How're you going you b*stard?' Is just one of a multitude of matey greetings.
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