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C R E A T E A D |
Feeling so lost...
| #1 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 5:32 AM | |
 Baroness   896 Posts 403 Achievements  
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'kay, long story short: I'm bisexual. And still in the closet. Because I'm way too afraid of what my family and friends will say to me in response. Keep in mind, whenever somebody wants to come out about their sexuality, I'm sometimes the first person they come to, because I'll always accept the people I love for who they are, sexuality be damned. But what if that doesn't happen in my own case? What if I'm just flat-out rejected by my parents for revealing myself to them? What if people just tell me I'm attempting to get attention by "joining the lifestyle", as if I'm this way by choice?
I'm just...so nervous and embarrassed of myself that I feel physically ill just typing about it on Subeta, even though nobody I know personally will ever read this. I'm a wreck, because I've kept this from everyone since I first started noticing an attraction to both men and women. Somebody please help me...
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| #2 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 6:43 AM | |
 Fiainis a Time Lord  621 Posts 345 Achievements |
Fortunately, bisexuality is becoming more and more accepted among our society! Unfortunately, I think that the biggest problem that this poses might be that you may be seen as "following the fad" by peers, or that you just simply haven't settled for one side or the other yet. At least, that's what my biggest problem was when I came out as bisexual. I don't think I ever really directly told my mother, because I was pissing my pants at the thought. One day she had told me, when I was young, that she would be very disappointed in me if I were gay and couldn't give her grandchildren. Well, my mother has made a lot of ignorant comments like that to me, but after a long time, the struggle between her and I has lessened quite a bit and she has definitely made the effort in educating herself about my conditions and sexuality and just everything that defines me that she sees as being so different. I think she found out while snooping in a letter I had written to a pen-pal at the time. She never said anything to me. Anyway, not trying to take over your thread here. I guess what I'm trying to convey is that even if you encounter a rift with someone, be it friend or family or anyone, that's the nature of life and the nature of relationships. Even not on the topic of sexuality, usually everyone has to go through these moments, and all I can say is be strong, endure, and hopefully things will sort themselves out through your strength. If not, I have found that shaving 'the riff raff' out of your life can be an essential tool. Hopefully it will never come to that. It may be that this is just something, an experience, that will allow you to see who is truly worthy of your love and trust, in the end. I would start off smaller first. Tell your peers. Who knows, maybe some have things that they are hiding too, with the same fears as you, and they can take comfort in your example and be themselves as well. Has your family ever given you a negative vibe on this area of discussion? Do you have any reason to believe that they would be against it? Once you are ready to tell your family, you should bring up the topic of sexuality just to test the waters and see what they say. Just get a feel for their opinion first. If it is truly hostile, you may want to wait until you're on your own. If they are simply ignorant on the matter, like my mother was, prod a bit and see if they are open to being educated. If they are ignorant in the way that they simply believe you're going through a phase or that you are confused between the two and will settle, well.. You can try to make them see different, but really, if that's the worst they throw at you, at least you came out. Live your life as you please after that. Just prove them wrong by continuing to be who you are, I guess.  That's what I did with my mother. I think she got the message.Hopefully, you will come out into a world that is mostly accepting. You're going to encounter hardships, though. But that's just the way things are. Just hold on to you, and to the people who stand by you. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. There are PLENTY of people like us out there. You are not alone. Anyway, I wrote something, inspired by some discussions I have seen here on Subeta. I thought you may find it interesting, and it may give you some excellent inside on the nature of sexuality that you could use to enlighten anyone who proves willing. Maybe a way of just strengthening you and your resolve. link here Last Edit by:
Fiain 5/04/12 - 6:44:10 am
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| #3 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 4:09 PM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer  3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
@Kunoichi So don't come out to your family. They don't need to know. You wanting to throw it in their face is just you trying to get a reaction. The average teen wants to have lots of sex and have their parents never find out. Wanting to be found out means you have some unresolved issues with your parents and/or your self. You should put this sexual identity crisis aside and focus on why you need your parents' approval so badly.
I want my parents to know as little as possible about my sex life!
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| #4 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 4:35 PM | |
| Baroness 896 Posts 403 Achievements |
@Fiain Your advice is very much appreciated. Though I'm a little less afraid of coming out to family than to friends, because the friends I have are the ones who've actually made the more ignorant comments in the past. I overheard one of them say, in these exact words, that "the majority of 'bisexual' people are just a bunch of dumb, drunken sorority girls who pretend to make out with each other to get men's attention, and metrosexual men". Comments like that have made me very nervous about the general reaction I'd get for coming clean about this whole ordeal. As for family, my younger sister already knows, mainly because she's the kind of person who just will not leave you alone until you tell her EVERYTHING that's been going on with you. She, thankfully, hasn't talked to anybody else about it, because she knows how sensitive I get about people knowing about something like this. My main issue, as you advised, is talking to my peers first, because anybody who can't accept who I am out of THAT group of people will be a little easier to cut to ties to. Can't exactly say the same for family members. As for your personal story, I must say that I admire your courage for staying strong in spite of how your mother reacted. I'll try channeling some of that when I finally get the guts to talk to my own parents. @Dandelina Your concern is noted and accepted, but I'm no teenager. I'm in my twenties. In my own opinion, feel free to say otherwise, I'm not throwing anything into anybody's faces. I really don't think talking about issues like this to family members is such a bad thing. Minus the whole bisexuality thing, I was raised to openly discuss topics like sex to my parents, so that any questions and concerns that might come up could be answered. I don't want parental approval, I want acceptance for who I am. I may indeed have unresolved issues on some aspects, but none of them apply here. Your argument is still refreshing to hear, though. I appreciate your thoughts on the issue. Last Edit by: User not found (1): Kunoichi 5/04/12 - 4:41:13 pm
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| #5 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 4:42 PM | |
| Dandelina Le Extreme Spammer 3,077 Posts 252 Achievements |
@kunoichi Then if they're open to it what are you worried about? This is an issue you have with yourself then. Again, date and have sex with whoever you want, as long as it's not hurting you or anyone else. You need to put that aside for a while and figure out why this is such a big deal to you, when it shouldn't be. It should just be done and that's that.
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| #6 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 4:52 PM | |
| Fiain is a Time Lord 621 Posts 345 Achievements |
That is a little different, then. Like I said, it is a common criticism of bisexuality from what I have seen to simply just be "following the fad", even though the perceived fad could simply just be that more and more people are becoming aware within themselves of the fluidity of sexuality, which will eventually work in the favour of bisexuals once the common misconceptions are debunked and it can start being accepted as an actual sexuality that, perhaps, is more popular than they thought. Sorry for the run-on sentence. Anyway, are you one of those "dumb, drunk sorority girls who pretend to make out with each other to gain men's attention"? You don't appear to be from what I can tell. And if I can tell that through your text, surely your friends will definitely be able to tell the difference. Also pay attention to the wording. Majority. Meaning your friends may still believe that there is a minority in there, and you can squeeze your way in there as that minority to them, and then perhaps work on enlightening their perception on bisexuals as an advocate of being a bisexual. Maybe it will just take you coming out to them and taking a little bit of a stand that will help the situation completely. My friend used to crack a lot of attack jokes until I changed his perception on what being attacked actually entails by simply just telling him that I'm a victim. Sometimes it takes someone close to you to say or imply, "Hey, knock it off" for one to be like, "~~blush~~ crap oops I'm hurting people" TL;DR From that one quote you have given me, I think that you may be over-analysing your friends and their perceptions on bisexuality. I think you will mostly meet with success in telling them =) P.S as an edit ~cough I see some insensitivity in this board Iwouldrecommendjustbrushingitoff because they don't understand the importance of coming out - don't worry about it your fears are okay to have cough~ Last Edit by:
Fiain 5/04/12 - 4:55:36 pm
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| #7 :: May 4th, 2012 @ 9:39 PM | |
| LilMushy_Mushroom Donated to the Cash Shop  909 Posts 217 Achievements |
Ping me |
@LilMushy_Mushroom| #8 :: May 6th, 2012 @ 2:28 AM | |
| Baroness 896 Posts 403 Achievements |
'kay, so I've talked to my other sister, and one of my more understanding friends about the situation. They're proud that I trust them enough to talk to them about this, and have also given their own pieces of advice on how to approach my friends and parental units about it. @Fiain, I can't thank you enough for giving me the courage I needed to speak up to those who mattered most. You've inspired me so much more in the past couple of days than any "self-help" page on Google ever could these past eight years. I'll still have a few more mountains to climb, but I've at least managed to get over the main bulk of the issue. I'll do my hardest to stay strong, to keep my head up, and calculate the best way to approach my parents about all of this.
And to @LilMushy_Mushroom, I hope the same encouragement finds its to you in the case of coming out to your own parents. Sometimes, even from thousands of miles away, your internet friends can be the greatest support you could ever wish for. If things get too stressful, know that your friends will at least have your back.
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