How can I comfort him?

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Subeta Forums > Chit-Chat > Issues & Advice

#1 :: July 23rd, 2012 @ 12:36 AM

is a Mirage

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If you want the details of what happened, scroll down to the bottom and read the spoiler.

Nick, my boyfriend of 3 years, was kicked out of his house about a week and a half ago. It hasn't been an easy adjustment for him; there's not nearly as much space for his music equipment, he's jobless, and isn't sure that he'll be going to school next semester (his mom has insisted she pay out of pocket instead of filling out the FASFA info, not so sure she's paying for his tuition now).

His parents hate me now. I got a text message from his mom a couple days after he moved in with me telling me never to come back again. I can't go back there to help him with anything now.

Tonight my mom was talking to me about how he needs to get a job soon because she can't afford to take care of a fifth person, understandably so.

I really don't know what to do to comfort him. He has depression and I would be elated if he could start seeing a theattacker, but I don't think he has health insurance anymore to do so. I really want to help make this a lot easier on him and keep everyone at home happy. What should I do?

Spoiler (click here to toggle)

This happened about 2 weeks ago. It started when Nick was writing his music for his band. He was getting frustrated because he kept messing up while he was writing. He got fed up and tossed his book on the floor and stormed off to go sharpen some pencils and calm down. His mom came down stairs not long after asking him what was wrong. He told her everything was fine, he just got mad while he was writing, no big deal.

What caused it all was when he said the following words "it's none of your business". He didn't mean it personally, he just said it out of frustration. However, his mom took it to heart and started flipping her crap on him. She started calling him names ("you little crap" "you're an ass", etc), telling him he didn't know how good he had it, and saying that he was destroying the house (he wasn't). He told her he understood that he had it good, and that she was overreacting to a small comment. She took his gas card (he had it after he lost his last job so he could get to and from school and band practices) told him that he didn't deserve it and stormed upstairs and cut it up.

Nick was really upset most of the night, not because of the gas card, but because he felt like he had no creative freedom in his house. He explained to me that every night when he tried working on his writing, his parents would interrupt him and start fights with him over mundane things, like the water heater not working properly, or because he didn't make his bed.

Anyhow, I stayed over for a little while after their fight because he was getting really depressed and suicidal. I didn't want to leave him at his house for fear of him actually hurting himself (he had in the past). 1-2 am rolled around and he was feeling a lot better. We decided that I'd keep him company while he took a shower, then I'd go home after. His dad came to the top of the stairs while he was taking his shower and asked Nick what he was doing. He told him he was taking a shower. He asked if anyone was over, not wanting to get in a fight with him and because I was leaving shortly (they didn't like me being over late) he said no.

About 3 minutes later we heard "MARINA, GET YOUR Loving ASS OUT OF THIS HOUSE." We were startled to say the least-- never heard his parents talk like that before, let alone to me. Nick was pissed that his dad talked like that. He told his dad not to talk like that to me and that I would be leaving. His dad continued to keep yelling incomprehensibly, and Nick, frustrated, shouted at him to be quiet. This brought his dad downstairs to start the fighting face to face.

His dad had pepto bismol or gaviscon all over his mouth and teeth. It was like he just put it in his mouth and started shouting right after. Not to mention his eyes were wide and crazy looking. He really looked loveed.

He started a fist fight with Nick, nearly decked me in the process. This happened about 4 times, only 1 of those 4 being started by Nick. His dad started shouting incomprehensibly again then said Nick was "out by tomorrow". It was at that point Nick got dressed and packed his belongings to head to my house.

His parents have bullied him since he was a kid. His mom has no confidence because his dad picks on her, so she picks on Nick. His dad used to be an alcoholic and abused him as a kid. There's so many more problems than this...

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#2 :: July 23rd, 2012 @ 1:30 AM

Is Lonely

1,912 Posts
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@
It's amazing your there for him that is awesome keep it up

Maybe, depending on your financial status move in with him to an apartment? Or possibly have him apply to a temporary job to pay rent and also it will keep him out of the house so he doesn't have as much time to think about his boy(Sorry, issues like this cut close to home) parents and suicidal thoughts. Maybe also get him to a doctor for a check up, he can explain his depression and maybe they will prescribe something? (The job will help pay for insurance) and if he is under 18, you can report this to the police, and honestly I think you should. Sorry if none of this helps you dear, good luck to you and him I hope everything straightens itself out.

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Last Edit by: Horny 7/23/12 - 1:31:02 am

Nicholas <3

#3 :: July 23rd, 2012 @ 3:18 PM

Tongue Wagger

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I would go to the police or CPS, even if he is now an adult he can testify against what happened in his childhood so that he can get his tuition and living expenses covered by the state.

Trick or Treat @ You_Tell_Me ~Kat

#4 :: July 25th, 2012 @ 12:31 AM

is a Mirage

3,348 Posts
481 Achievements

@Horny
He actually went out and picked up some applications yesterday, so that's a step in the right direction. We're hoping that within the next 6-8 months we can save up enough money to move into a rental house, considering most rental houses out in the country (I live in IL) go for the same price of rent/utilities as apartments in the city. We really just need it for space since he plays lots of music.

He'll have to stop at his parent's house sometime soon so he can get clothes for interviews, so hopefully he can settle stuff such as the health insurance and school. I agree that they're boys as well. I want to think that they're better people because they took care of him financially, but I can't get over all the abuse and fighting that they did to him. He has no ethic because money was never an issue in his family; he's actually finding it hard NOT to be wasteful in my household (where using too much water is an issue, for example) because his parents could always afford the bills and beyond. I do hope that he and his parents can come to some sort of reconciliation, but I get the feeling that when he talks to them next time, they're only going to defensive listen and not bother to actually cue in to what he's telling them.

@You_Tell_Me
I didn't know that was possible. I'll talk to him about it and see what he wants to do. I've brought up similar ideas with him before, but he's expressed feelings of anguish towards getting them in trouble. I don't want meddle any more than I probably already have (intentional or not).

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