Information

Kouragio
Legacy Name: Kouragio

The

Angelic Popoko
Owner:

Kyla

Age: 11 years, 9 months, 1 week

Born: August 17th, 2012

Adopted: 11 years, 9 months, 1 week ago

Adopted: August 17th, 2012

Statistics

Level: 1
Strength: 10
Defense: 10
Speed: 10
Health: 10
HP: 10/10
Intelligence: 5
Books Read: 5
Food Eaten: 0
Job: Underpaid Art Student Intern

Your hand fits in mine
Like it's made just for me.
But bear this in mind
It was meant to be.
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me.

I'm not entirely sure how to put this all in words, but I'm going to try.

The last time I stood on a scale it said I was 180 pounds. I had been trying for the previous two months to lose weight, and I had hoped that I had. Even three pounds would have been great. But the numbers blinked back at me.
180.

I admit that when it comes to exercising and eating right, I'm the worlds biggest procrastinator. I hate exercise. I love pizza and ice cream and soda. The thought of giving them up is nightmarish. And yet, the idea of becoming overweight, and possibly diabetic, scared me.
I had never loved my body very much. My stomach protrudes over my waistband, my thighs jiggle and they rub together when I walk, my upper arms are jiggly and I have stretch marks across my body. My face is round and sometimes it looks like I have a double chin.
My confidence was at zero. I was depressed, anxious, afraid and certain that I would live my days sitting on the Internet, wasting my life away.

I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes
When you smile.
You've never loved
Your stomach or your thighs,
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine.
But I'll love them endlessly.

A few years ago I was told I had social anxiety. It's different for everyone, I think. For me, I'm a bit shy at first, but once I've warmed up and gotten to know someone, I'm actually a bit of a spazz. You'll see a girl with short, insanely curly hair who loves to write and draw, who loves unicorns and rainbows, who can be a little inappropriate at times but is still basically a sweetheart, who speaks without thinking and makes silly faces.
But actually being told about the anxiety, knowing what it was, and being put on a medication to help with it...it changed my perception of myself. I didn't want to be defined by my anxiety. I am a person, despite what might be considered my flaws.

You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep.
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me.

In 2013, we all decided to move out of state. My sister and I would take the bus while my mom and future step-dad would drive the moving truck.
The idea of going on a bus ride scared me to death. My anxiety had prevented me from doing various social things; even being by myself in a store still scared me. But I knew that it was something I had to do - not just so we could move, but for myself.
I imagined myself fighting to tame the dragon that was the bus. If I could step into that terrifying beast, if I could face that terrifying fear of falling to my death, so to speak, then I had won.
I remember taking deep breaths, fighting with the bats that fluttered in my stomach, trying to stay calm and composed and keep my battle strategy. And when I was facing that dragon, when the doors were open and waiting for me, I pushed through the wall of scales and fire and took my seat like any other person on that bus.
I had won. And it made something inside me shatter, like a prison of glass had exploded and let something loose.
But what?
In 2014, I began volunteering at a local store, and my anxiety has become something like a wisp of the storm cloud it once was. Sometimes it still holds me back. But I'm able to interact with people - I'm able to stay in the store without feeling afraid of being left behind. In the last year, I've only had one panic attack. And that's pretty huge for me.

I know you've never loved
The sound of your voice on tape.
You never want
To know how much you weigh.
You still have to squeeze into your jeans.
But you're perfect to me.

When people talk about loving themselves, there's usually a series of life changing events.
But for me, it was mainly the written word. Stories of people's self-discovery, their triumphs over society's expectations and supposed limitations, they fueled my inspiration. Soon I found myself discovering more and more about body positivity, about beating the odds, about loving yourself. The digital world of the Internet has broadened my horizons on various topics. Equality, self-loving, sexuality. I have learned so much from the giant web of information the Internet has provided.
I discovered my sexuality, a love for spreading the word on human rights - and I also discovered something else. A shimmer of confidence inside me I had never had before. I can look in the mirror today, and say "Dang, I'm cute" for the first time in my life.
Perhaps that sounds silly. But if you could see me now, see who I've become, who I will be...it's giant. It's bigger than the sky, and fills me with stardust.

You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you.
And you'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.
If I let you know I'm here for you.
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh.

When people talk about loving themselves, there's usually a series of life changing events. My life changing events are clustered together, and they may not seem very big, but the impact they've left is huge.
My body isn't a temple. It's a fortress of glory and beauty. My stomach still protrudes, but I'm no longer as bothered by it. I touch it and feel the warmth, the life, that resides behind my lightning shaped stretch marks, and I tell it "I love you."
I am a creature of earth, storm, dragon fire and riptides. I have the power to unleash the fury of thunder, and I have the galaxy in my eyes. My worth isn't measured by the compliments I may receive, or by the insults that may be thrown at me.
My anxiety, my weight, my wavering self-confidence, doesn't define who I am. Or what I am capable of. I am beautiful. I am loving.
I am me.

And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth
'Cause it's you,
Oh, it's you,
It's you they add up to
And I'm in love with you
And all these little things.

--------
This is a true story about me, my life, and my insecurities. It is fragile, and cracked, and more special than you could imagine.
These are my own words. Please don't steal them.

Song lyrics: Little Things by One Direction