Kenji
Legacy Name: Kenji.

My dear Sasa,

I know it might surprise you to receive a letter from me, even if we are living in the same house. But what I want to say was to me worth enough to write down, to materialize my words on this sheet of paper. To be honest, it was not the only reason that made me picking up a pen and write down these words. I had never found the courage to tell it straight in your face what I want to write in this letter.

To remember what all we already have lived through makes me sad and proud at the same time. Sad, because it had been a very rough time, for you as well as for me; living through the war, through all the cruelty and abuse. But there is also something that makes me proud: that I do have a friend like you. After this long time I wandered in darkness you brought me back my light and my sunshine. And a smile brightens my face every time I see yours. You, my dearling, are the most precious gem I know and and I am grateful to call myself your friend.

Before I've joined the Torénjha I've lived for a long time in Russia. I was part of a criminal organization of vampires and was valued for being a specialist in assaults and torture. I have lived in darkness, in a mud of blood and violence and for a long time I was sure that inside my there was nothing left that was worth to be called human. I have carried no emotions anymore in my heart for long years, a void that I tried to fill up with the screams and pleads of my victims. Secretly I despised myself. And I thought that it would ease when I became part of this European Clan. But it didn't change much. The fighting, the cruelty, the torture it changed their faces, their names, but in the end, it just continued. I made my way up through the hierarchy and became Commander in no time, mostly because I was so used to all the excessive violence on the streets, the agonizing torture in the basements and the pain we all were living with.

I was so fed up with moving on, facing the same crap over and over and over no matter where I went. I was playing with the idea to end my life, or lay down for a Long Sleep. But then I met you, It was my first bloodfeast and you simply came to me and pulling me first for a dance, then for a kiss. I remember you were so dead drunk that you could barely walk anymore, but you laughed and giggled all the time and hugged me so tight that I thought you would break my ribs. I had to promise you that we would meet again on the next bloodfeast.

Later I got to know that you were just as myself, a high ranked warrior, the new promising star among the elite fighters of my enemies. At our second meeting at a bloodfeast I asked you if you would be aware that I would have to kill you if we would meet on the streets. You just laughed, grinned on that sweet, cunning way and replied that you would kill me first.
I wondered about the easiness of your reply. And I wondered how you could be still happy and cheerful living on your life while fighting with cruelty in this war.
But then I realized it. I simply had forgotten how to smile.
I loved your smile for the very first moment, so bright and happy, like you've never seen anything bad before.
I loved to feel your light falling on me, brightening my life, chasing away the darkness that had embraced my life. At this time you saved my life for the first time.

You know, my friend, how much I enjoy your company, but I have never told you how much you did for me. I am able to stand against pain, deal with wounds, violence and humiliation, but in the most important challenge I would have failed without the hand you offered me. You have shown me how to live. All the times when I thought my life couldn't bring anything positive anymore and I couldn't stand one more day, you just brought me your smile and took me under your wings. You, my sweetheart, saved my life not only once, but many, many times.

You are always there to bring back my attention on things that are really important. Not the fights, not the war.
But things like friendship.

Our friendship.

The intimacy we share, the trust, the closeness... the happiness. I realize over and over again, that there is something in my life I couldn't simply leave behind just like that; that there is something way too important to not care. And this is you.

After all these words, the reason I write this letter is to tell you how important you are for me. I want to let you, my sweet Sasa, know that you mean the world to me. You are the reason I am still here.
Please, know, Sasa, I love you.
And nothing will ever change this.


In deepest devotion,
Kenji

code, art and graphics by myself
except the one I credited otherwise

by Iisjah