Rowan Lightsworn
Legacy Name: Rowan Lightsworn

"dragon" form

quiet, gentle, patient. has immense sympathy and empathy, despite his various and different experiences. has no goals of his own (comes from living for a long time) but wishes to further others' goals instead. his voice never really rises above average, or even past softly.

the very first time he met a human, it was a girl, about seven. she had strayed too far from the village picking flowers, and gazed at him wide-eyed when she realized what she had done.
but the creature of eight stared back at her equally as confused as she was. they both shouted, and ran away, her back to her home, and him back to his solitary cave.

the girl did not tell anyone what she saw. she had always grown up with stories about the horrid creature in it's cave lair, stealing livestock from their village and others, killing any who dared get in it's way, and always about it's ferocious appearance and how nobody could ever win against it.
"but," the girl thought, "wasn't the creature i saw a bit too small to do any of those things?"

her curiosity won out, and so, with great caution, ventured back forth into the far off meadow where she had seen the small creature from before.
and there he was, among the field of flowers, seemingly taking in the scent of them and even tending to some. he was small, feathery, light and keenly shaped like a bird almost.
when he spotted her again, he had the same response, until the girl cried,
"wait! what's your name?"
the creature stopped, and hesitated, both of them feeling the tension between the two. he struggled against his fight-or-flight instinct, but in the end, chose the latter, and flew away once again.

the girl did not see him again the next day. or the next. or the day after.
it wasn't until the next week that she found him again at the meadow. with less of her fierce spirit, the girl tried again. she called out to him gently and startled once more, he cringed at her as she approached, but made no move to run away.
she walked closer, ever so slowly, and with one hand, put a small hand on his equally small snout.
and as they connected, they both felt... something. a wonderful feeling.
and they both relaxed.

they shared stories and food with each other. and slowly, as life went on, they grew close. she spent many a day with him, and together, they found the most wonderful things, along with the most terrifying, sometimes barely making it out by the skin of their teeth, but always alive, and exhilarated, would laugh about it. the villages grew lax as there were no more attacks and for a time, they were both happy and content.

"my father died a few days before you saw me," he said. "but life isn't hard. he taught me all he knew before he left. he knew he would be dying eventually."
"why did he die?" the girl asked.
surprised at the question, the creature stared at her. "i don't know. he came home one night with the most awful wounds. nothing could save him. he told me to be prepared and then... flew away."
"how do you know he's dead then?"
"i just know." the small creature replied simply.

"do you have a name?"
"not one a human could say."
"can i name you then?"
"if you want."
"what do you want to be?"
"whatever you want."
"... how about rowan?"
"it rolls off my tongue weird. is it not strange?"
"not so much as strange as my name!"
"but your name... is pretty."

"one day, i want to fly!" she burst out with enthusiasm as rowan finished a story about seeing the butterflies against the pastel sky.
"but humans can't fly." he stated matter of factly.
she huffed. "of course they can't, but you can!"
"and?"
her voice grew hushed. "one day, when you're bigger, will you take me with you to see what you see? will you show me what the sky, the stars, the moon, and the clouds? can you promise me?"
he looked at her, and with no hesitation, said, "of course. anything for you."

over the years, the adventurous girl he once knew grew into a beautiful lady, with flowing hazel locks and shining emerald eyes. she knew every path of the woods near his cave. she knew what berries he liked the most. and somehow, she always seemed to know what flowers she looked best with, which were forget-me-nots, twisted into her hair.
and she grew even more beautiful every day.

"i promised you once long ago that i'd take you flying. so we'll do it tomorrow, the weather will be clear then."
"tomorrow?"
"tomorrow."

but the girl did not show tomorrow. or the day after. she didn't show at all, and for three days, rowan lay in that meadow, worrying about what could have possibly happened. maybe she didn't want to fly after all. it was just a child's dream. who knew what humans were capable of? he knew they were finicky, but he thought she of all people would...

after the fourth day, he had enough of waiting, and flew cautiously near her village, perhaps maybe to even get one answer.

when he drew close, all he found was the remains of her village in ash.
and just as he predicted, the weather was clear. it showed everything light as day, the broken and battered bodies of many humans. but he could care less about anyone else. he only had eyes for one, and frantically searched for her.

and found her. half burned in a fire, already dead, seemingly suffering for a long time before finally dying. alone.

and he wept.

he was still only a child in terms of his lifespan, but has seen all he's wanted to ever see in his lifetime. but still, he goes on, his loneliness pushing him, and the years pass and he meets a new set of humans, this time, twins.

the girl and the boy stared at him wide-eyed, and an amused rowan remembered what this feeling was like, almost nineteen years ago.
"are you going to eat us?" the girl squeaked and rowan laughed, a rumbling noise passing through his throat and the girl cowered even further.
"no. i don't like eating humans. they don't taste very good."
"well, i think i'd taste great! you''re just jealous-" the girl elbowed the boy who shouted, hard. and the boy looked down, red in the face, his cheeks puffed up in embarrassment.
rowan laughed again. "maybe you would be."
"but that's not me giving you permission to eat me!" his voice was indignant.
rowan smiled. "i would never."

the girl was shy, but given time, was enthusiastic and energetic. she didn't quite remind rowan of her, but she had spirit. she dreamed one day of owning a sewing shop, her lovingly sewn clothes sought after from around the land.
the boy on the other hand, was more brave. he dreamed one day of becoming a knight and serving the kingdom with honor and loyalty. he had issues with patience, he had a habit of charging in without looking, but that was fine so long as rowan held him back in time with stern warnings.

"can you fly with these?" rowan was trying not to move as she tumbled back and forth on his back and poking his resting wings.
"i can." he replied patiently.
"can you take me flying?" she squealed and bounced up and down.
"maybe when you're older."
"i'm older than her! i can fly!" the boy cut in.
"no! you're only a day older! i can fly!" the girl glared at her brother.
"when you two are older." rowan stated firmly with no room to argue.

he helped the both of them towards their own goals.
when the girl came to rowan crying about her broken and loose strands she could not sew, he gently told her how to fix it, and watched her with vigilance, curled up around her as she sewed, occasionally pointing out a mistake.
when the boy came to him with bruises on his face and wounds on his body from bullies, rowan told him to pay no heed to the other children. that one day the boy would be famous and they would regret looking down upon him. and he would spar with the boy, teaching him where to dodge, when to parry, what to do, both going home slightly bruised more than usual, but happy.

one day, the boy came to him with great news, that he would be a squire to a knight that had visited his village, and start his journey from there. rowan encouraged him, and sadly, the boy hugged him farewell, and left.
the girl came to him and told him that she would go to the city with her mother, and look to be an apprentice to a shop. she had vast enough knowledge and they both knew she had to start somewhere.
rowan bid her good luck in her endeavor, and sadly, the girl kissed him goodbye and left.

many years passed, rowan lost track, and still he stayed in that forest, next to that small abandoned log cabin where the three of them had spent many a happy day together. he passed his days being idle and reminiscing and wondering when it would be time to move on again.

one day, he spotted the girl walking by, as if in search of something. or maybe someone. releasing a rumble in his throat, he let her know where he was, and joyfully, the girl, now grown into a proper lady, ran to hug him. as if celebrating, the spring flowers fell on them as they danced and laughed.

she told him everything that had occurred. how she had gone through apprenticeship and she now owned a small, but popular shop in a nearby town, where she crafted everything, and even had her own apprentices and workers to help.
her brother, now a fully fledged knight, often patrolled (quite proudly she must add) on the border, keeping a sharp lookout for any enemies or monsters.
as she told rowan all these things, he noticed her eyes shining brightly, and couldn't have imagined how so many things could have occurred when to him, it only felt such a short while ago they had even played together as children.
when she finished, he told her how he wished he could see her shop with his own eyes, and all the wonderful clothes she must make daily, and the heroic acts her brother does.
surprised, she asked, "can't you?"
he nudged her gently. "not unless you wish everyone gone from you within a thirty mile radius."
she rolled her eyes. "no silly, can't you turn human?"
now it was his turn to be surprised. "how would i be?"
she shrugged. "there are hybrids, right? why would you look so strange to be amongst us?"
"but i'm not a hybrid."
"nobody has to know that."
he was silent as he contemplated her words, and she kissed his snout. "think it over. i'll come here tomorrow again."

that night, he debated her words and wondered if he could turn human. he had seen these "hybrids", and he had seen how different they were. some sported feline like ears, or had a canine tail. others had sharp fangs, and some had gills. it all depended on who's "spirit" they had bonded with, or so the legends went. rowan looked at himself, with his long snout, large white wings, his elongated legs and claws, feathers falling from his wings. and he wondered.
his father had told him many things about their species. how they could fly far distances without getting tired, and how far they could see, being able to glide and swoop down from above on anything with their large claws.
he had also told rowan once about magic they had, magic they could wield, his father chose not to, but his mother once had. and she was all powerful, only using it for good, until the humans killed her in fear.
he wondered about this magic and whether he could use it too.

the next day, the girl showed up again, only to find a naked boy with long silver hair and the bluest of eyes she could ever imagine. she saw him with white wings curled around him, and the boy stared at her in confusion.
and she screamed.

"you scared me!" the girl scolded later. "i thought... you just..."
"i'm sorry." he croaked. his human voice was hard to get used to. it was small and him taking the body of a child hadn't helped any. "i don't know what happened."
she just shrugged. "i told you you could do it." and her eyes shined. "and now i can show you everything."

and she did. she gave him clothes to wear on his own (proudly made by her), she took his small human hand and giggled at the feeling, her once childhood mentor's hands now small enough to fit in hers, and lead him away from the forest where she had grown up in and he had inhabited for a long time.

he arrived in the small town and couldn't tear his eyes away from the sights. everything was bright and full of people. they all laughed and talked and shouted and sang.
he never thought at any point, that life could be this colorful. rowan was glad he had proven himself wrong.

the girl showed him her small shop, where she was friendly to her customers and everything was nice. it even smelled faintly of flowers, a scent reminiscent of something from long ago. he stayed at the shop, getting attention for his almost glowing white wings and unusual hair. rowan slept in the attic of the store and helped the girl, albeit with clumsy human fingers, in her shop.

one time, even her brother stopped by, and after a long talk, the boy, now a man and a knight of honor, hugged rowan tightly and exclaimed loudly that now he truly felt a connection. he then reminded rowan that they wouldn't be able to fly anymore, and then laughed.

it was hard, learning how to be human. he knew how humans interacted, he knew what they did, but having to be one was different.
but he learned.

so time passed.
until word came in that the brother had died. killed at the hands of a vanguard enemy patrol who was testing the waters for this small country.
they told the two that he had died bravely.
the girl closed her shop and for weeks, would not say a word to anyone but rowan. all he could do was hold her hand and listened. he could not possibly comprehend human emotions, but for this time, he felt the connecting emotions from when she had died, too.

war came, and it was merciless. how could it be anything but not for this small country? he tried to understand why humans wanted more than what they had. how could they possibly not be satisfied?
he tried to remember the days the twins and he had spent so happily in the forest, and the days he helped around in the shop with the girl, and the boy occasionally stopping by.
rowan had a hard time remembering, with news coming in every day that war was drawing closer and closer to their doorstep. they were fighting a losing battle, and everyone knew it.

on a particularly dark night, he struggled to turn back into what he was, but could not. he tried again, but nothing happened. he looked at his useless human hands and cried as the girl came in. not interrupting him, she gently placed her head on his shoulders, with her hands around him, she closed her eyes as he wept.

she refused to leave, even as everyone, including her neighbors did.
her parents had died before she had finished her apprenticeship, her brother was gone, all she had was her shop and rowan. she told him to leave and run as far away from humans as he could, but he refused. so the two stayed as carnage drew closer and closer.
he knew what she wanted, but refused to believe it in the back of his mind.

he tried. he tried with everything he had, he tried to remember his instincts from before he was human. but he was too small. too weak. how did humans survive like this?
her eyes were filled with terror, nothing he had ever seen when it began. everything turned red and people were dying, the ones too stubborn to go, like them.

she screamed as he was pushed aside, and as she reached for him, a sword found it's way into her chest. gasping, she clutched it, and fell, and the soldiers turned their eyes on him and his white wings, now bloodied.
at the very last second, he remembered his lasting emotions when she had died too. with a roar, he turned back to what he once was, and lashed out at everything, and left nothing behind.
for hours, he cried and released his anger out at the world. he didn't know who he was hitting or why, just that everything good in the world was dead and gone from him.
after a while, he came back to his senses, and found himself covered in blood, a few minor wounds here and there but nothing harsh, amongst the many bodies of broken soldiers, along with the bodies of the townspeople he had once joyously greeted every day.
he stared at her body, the sword wound gaping in her chest and her eyes still wide open. gently, he reached over and closed them forever.

in the eerie silence, he remembered he never took the two to fly, just like he had broken the promise to her.
he resolved to not make anymore promises to fly any humans after that.

he didn't know how he felt about humans, so he watched them from a distance now.

he found he had the ability to switch between being human and not, but resolved not to be most of the time.
bitterly, rowan laughed at how too late it was.

it was a complete accident he met the small hybrid boy. or so he told himself.

the boy was a rugged looking teenager, with feline like features, including alert furry ears and a constantly waving tail, as if he couldn't stand still. he seemed like an impatient type, and he was.
if only that was his only bad feature.

he didn't seem to belong anywhere, so he stole for a living. he only stole what was necessary and to get by, and rowan couldn't help but feel pity.

rowan's human appearance appeared to age much slower than average humans, not that he ever used that information to much until now. he looked the same age as the stealing boy, minus the white wings and silver hair, and yet he hesitated.

was this worth it all over again? would this human die on him too?
seeing him shivering alone in the alleyway, he told himself that the human couldn't be any worse off from just knowing rowan.

when he offered the boy food in his human form, he looked at rowan with great suspicion. not that he blamed him.
it took several days of the same thing. rowan had infinite patience, which had formed over the long and hard years.
eventually, it worked.

the boy didn't like to depend on anyone. or trust in them for the matter, but he trusted something in rowan. saw something in him that others saw before him. perhaps kindred spirits in the way they were connected with their spirit animals.
rowan didn't tell him what he really was. not for a while.

the boy and him grew close, and rowan took a job as a delivery boy to help live with just the two of them. and the boy reconsidered his life choices, and with how much rowan had helped him, did the same, and found an honest job too.

they did not have much luxury of items or of a home, but the two spent their years living together in peace and with laughter.
rowan grew to be known throughout the port town, always ready with a smile, quick feet, and a flutter of his white wings, with his package bag around his side. they knew him to be friendly, even if he was a "hybrid", enjoyed his calming presence.

one day, the two found a raggedy girl living in the streets as well. at this time, the boy was now a young adult, and was a better man, and couldn't help but take pity on her. rowan invited her, and thus, the three lived together.

the human girl was quiet and gentle, her parents had been killed on a trade route, preyed on constantly by bandits, and she had been living alone ever since. she had no prejudice against any race and was kind to everyone, but most of all, to rowan and the boy, for saving her life. she helped at home, always ready to welcome back the boys with open arms.

it was hard to say when the boy exactly started to fall in love with the girl, but it wasn't hard to tell. he followed her everywhere, and everything he did, he did in hopes of her paying attention to him. rowan noticed this early, and laid hints along the way for both of them, and eventually a few years later, the two married.
the ceremony wasn't anything fancy, they couldn't afford it, but the friends they had made along the way, especially rowan's, all attended and pitched in, and it was filled with laughter, as rowan wished it would be.
they all lived happily, and with the money they had saved, moved to a home that was slightly bigger, but big enough to support the three, and perhaps, start a family.

the young and arrogant hybrid thief boy rowan knew was no more, and he was amazed to find that boy grew almost rapidly within years to take care of his now pregnant wife.

but something did not quite feel right.

after years and years of hiding, rowan felt it was time. time to let them know, time for them to see. he was content to live with them like this, but not without them knowing the truth. the real truth.

so, one day, he pulled them both aside and showed them.

the boy's reaction was not great. his wife only gasped and covered her mouth with her hands and stared with wide eyes. the man shouted, and rushed to cover his wife protectively.
hurt, rowan looked at the two of them, the man and woman he had known for almost all their lives, look at him with eyes of terror and fear, and he realized those were the eyes his father's form always inspired, that rowan did not want any part of.

with this revelation, rowan fled. he looked at them mournfully one last time, and with a flap of his wings, left the lives of happiness they had built for years, gone in the blink of an eye, all because of the startling truth.

as he flew away, he thought he saw tears from the wife, start to spill over from her sad eyes.

-----

rowan did not approach humans anymore. not of his own accord anyway. he wondered if he should give up on them, and wondered why he was still here. centuries had come and gone, humans lived and died, and yet, rowan was still here, unchanging as time passed as it always did.
why did he exist? why was he still here? was the cowardly option the best route?

no, it never could be. it would never be anything he ever considered for himself. but sometimes, he wondered at the loneliness of it all, especially after having had the comforts of being around humans for so long.

he lost track of time. it didn't help that he didn't have humans around to help, and decades passed. rowan flew back to the town he spent with the hybrid man and his gentle wife, turned himself human and listened, as he wandered the streets.
and he found the man had died. people said it was from grief and regret, but they never said exactly what. they said the wife still lived, old and broken-hearted, barely living, and barely surviving.

struggling to find his courage, rowan gathered himself and walked over to the house, where the three had once lived together happily.
he rang the doorbell, and an older woman answered.
he stared at the human girl, she had no qualities that resembled her father, but the minute she opened the door, rowan thought he was in the past again, the girl a mirror copy of her mother. so the pregnancy had gone through after all.
the woman cocked an eyebrow. "yes?"
rowan cleared his throat and rather guiltily, uncovered his wings from under his cloak, and the woman's eyes grew wide. "i'm looking for someone..."
"you! you're rowan! i have to get my mother! mother!" the woman ran inside and rowan was left rather awkwardly, standing at the door by himself. he quickly covered his wings again, in case someone passed by, and he waited. the door had been left open though, and he wondered.

as he was about to step inside for curiosity, the woman came back, out of breath, her eyes shining with excitement. "come inside, hurry!"
he was tugged along by the woman and lead into the house. as they passed by, he couldn't help but feel nostalgic as the rooms he had once spent his days in, that were once a memory, now were here.
they stopped at a room. her room, he realized. the woman pointed.
"go on." she said. "i'll wait here. just know she's very weak."
rowan looked at her, but she said no more, and opened the door, gently pushing him inside.

an old woman lay in a bed, her eyes closed, and the first thing rowan noticed were the purple flowers on a nightstand beside her. he looked at her then and was surprised to see the wrinkles of old age and stress.
she opened her eyes, and smiled at him. "is that you, rowan?" her hand reached for him, and he hurriedly came over and knelt down, taking her hand gently.

"i am here."
"is that really you? i... i've missed you. you don't look... a day older than when we first met you."
"my species has that luxury."
"... we regret the way things ended you know. we were... scared. we are... only human. i've had... many years to realize this, and so did my husband, but..."
"don't push yourself."
"we loved you. we never regret spending a single day with you. he... died with so many regrets. he always said those days we spent together were the happiest of his life. and they were mine too."
"i..."
"i'm sorry. we're sorry. please... forgive us. we were never able to live after what we did to you. we're sorry... so sorry..."
rowan grew silent and contemplated her sincerity. he had lived a long time, and had seen many peoples' lies and hatred. he sensed none of that now, but still he hesitated, for all the loneliness he had been through.
"please forgive her." a different voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up as the daughter came in. "she and my father spent their entire lives trying to atone for what they did. i grew up with stories of you, and i wish you had been around as i grew up."
"don't," the old woman coughed, and rowan gripped her hand tighter. "his forgiveness must be given, not forced. i would not want it any other way. rowan..."
"i forgive you." he said simply.
the woman's eyes welled up, and tears came down her wrinkled face. "i'm glad. i'm so glad. thank you, rowan, thank you..."
as the words left her smiling mouth, the woman's eyes faded.
rowan, without listening to her heartbeat, knew she had left. permanently. maybe that was all she wanted before she wanted to leave for good, his forgiveness.
as the daughter rushed over to the bed and cried her mother's name, rowan walked out the door of her room and waited outside in the hall, deep in thought.

the funeral was a quiet affair. rowan attended silently and watched as she was lowered into a grave beside her husband. perhaps now, she would find peace.

a few days after, rowan didn't know why he hung around this town. there was nothing left for him here. as he prepared to leave, he rang the doorbell to the house to say goodbye to the daughter.
as she answered, she handed him a piece of worn out paper. he looked at her questioningly and she just shook her head.
"this was meant for you. take it and... safe travels."

rowan,
if you are reading this, then you've come back. i'm so glad. i don't think i have much strength left.
i don't know where to start. after you left, he was... angry. for days, he wouldn't talk to anyone, not even me, he only mumbled to himself constantly, wondering why you hid the truth from us. he felt hurt, betrayed.
but we never took your feelings into consideration.
as you left, you took a piece of us with you. we were never the same as you left. everyone kept asking where you had gone, and we had to lie through our teeth. say it wasn't us that scared you away for good.
after weeks, we started to hope you would come back to us. we would apologize and we could live life as we always did again. live it happily, just us three, and our daughter.
we'd always tell her about you. how you could soar across the sky like no other, you were the master of it. nothing could ever make you bow your head, you were above it all. and yet, you were gentle and kind. i know you would've been a good godfather to my daughter. and i know you still can be. please, if you are reading this, watch over my daughter, when i am no longer able to.
rowan, the days we spent together were the happiest in my life. i know human lives must mean nothing to you, but i don't regret meeting you and my husband.
i'm sorry. i hope one day, you find it in your heart to forgive us. may we meet again one day.

he watched over her, from afar. he never mentioned the letter, or came near her, but just watched from a distance. he watched as she grew and married.
he watched for many years over her and her husband, but there was a yearning of his own. a yearning to wander once more. he silently prayed to her in hopes she'd understand, that no matter where he went, he'd always be with her, and left that town, but not too far, just to the next, which was a small port town.

he remembered the feelings of so long ago of each and every human he had encountered so far in his long lifespan.
rowan remembered the quiet days of when his mother died to humans, and his father swore a bloody vengeance, terrorizing humans to no end, and eventually, meeting the same death his mother did. he always told rowan to the end of his days that humans were evil and were never to be trusted. he hoped he would understand, and flew away.

but rowan remembered the first human girl he had met for the first time. how she seemed fierce and spirited, unkempt and dirty, scratches and scabs marring her knees and elbows, but her eyes shining brightly. and he detected a goodness in her that nothing could be described. he remembered how happily he lived as she grew into someone beautiful, and the promise he failed to keep, as she died alone.

back then, he didn't understand how humans could be so different. how one could look upon rowan so happily, but another could kill their own kind without even batting an eye.


he remembered the twins who were nothing alike and both troublesome just the same. the girl a quiet sort and the boy more adventurous, but both had that goodness in them that rowan knew. he remembered when the boy left them for the first time to be a squire, how proud he was! he had shown off his new tunic with such glee, until his face fell at announcing the news he was leaving. he had gently hugged rowan, thanking him for everything, and left. the girl did not want to go, leave rowan the same way her brother did, but he encouraged it, he had to let her grow, let her mature on her own, and so she did. and the days passed, until she found him and reunited all three of them together again. all was good until the news passed that her brother had died as a knight, doing what his duty told him to do. and then the invasion came, and with it, the girl's stubbornness and her unshakable will to not leave, and ended up dead herself, getting her last wish, to die on her homeland's soil.

back then, he didn't understand human emotions, and wished he hadn't had a taste of them himself, and he wondered if being alone was the best way.


he remembered the aggressive feline boy who trusted nobody but himself, but slowly, after a time, let rowan in.

and rowan is lonely.
he has always known when his father had died, he was meant to be the last.
but he can't bring himself to make anything, even himself, be given an end.
because that would mean taking for granted everything he had ever seen and done in this very small lifetime.

he is not brave.
he might even be described as timid-hearted.
too gentle for the world where it could have made him everything but exactly that.
and he figures that in some sort of lucky chance, if he is still here, he can't argue by whatever sign that is.
but his prayers and flights are for the wistful things and people who are far weaker than him.
righteousness is not his peace,
but for the people who fight on for better things, he will too.

everything would move on,
and he's still shaking,
wondering why he is still the one alive throughout the ages,
but he presses on.