Ammunition has a minion!

the Missile Toad

Time and Date: Unknown
Location: The Glue Factory Subeta Adoption Agency, Veta Lake

"Oo! Mommy! Look at this one! It's so BIG! And pretty with its lacy tu-tu, matching pink lip gloss, training bra, and HANNAH MONTANA HAIR EXTENSIONS! I WANT IT," the girl squealed with glee.

Agent 357 awoke to the shrill sounds of the little girl's wheezes. It bothered him that he was being called an "IT." Clearly, he was a sight of masculine perfection. This was not a matter of self-aggrandizement, but merely a statement of fact. The ladies told him so and--

WAIT... DID SHE SAY training bra? He tilted his head sideways (as his eyes are on the sides of his head) and looked down and back. His right eye narrowed at the uncomfortable girth around his torso and waist. Not a band of ammunition... but a bra and a pink ballerina tu-tu...

The mother walked over and gazed up at him... She stared at him with a dumbfounded look, and he stared back at her with a look of horror. A silent conversation took place. Her eyes said: "DANG. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, WHEN YOU DID THAT;" His reply: "YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS. I WILL EVISCERATE YOU."

She looked down at her daughter, "Gee... I don't know honey..."

"Please, please, please! I'll walk him, and feed him, and even clean up his massive, massive poo--"

Agent 357 glared out at the lollipop-eating little brat. She pressed her snotty nose against the glass, and left a mucus residue... Glass: 0. Little Girl: 1.

"How about a Dawn Hikei instead sweetie?" The mother practically dragged her daughter to a pretty pink pony. Anything probably seemed better than the monstrosity that was Agent 357's current state-of-attire. Camouflage, drooping bra, and frilly garments, does not a fashion statement make.

He watched as lollipop-mucus-devil-spawn led peptol bismol the dawn hikei, down the narrow gray hallway. Incidentally, it felt like dead man's row. Marching towards execution. Already, the girl's lollipop was lodged in the hikei's mane.

Glancing around, he saw cages and cages full of abandoned pets. People were parading around, gesticulating like idiots. He could tell he was at the Subeta Adoption Agency. Given that he was starving, suffering from borderline mental instability, dressed in feminine attire, and dumped at the pound--Elmyra, his past owner, REALLY must not have liked him very much. Subeta Agency of Intelligence (SAI) had put him in her possession for the past eight months to report on the increasing signs of pet neglect and abuse in the Subeta populous.

He needed to report back to the agency, but first, he needed to get out of here.

He couldn't exactly use his artillery to escape, without destroying civilian property and harming the pets and humans in the blast zone. He worked out potential plans in his mind, and decided on picking the lock to his cage, deactivating the security system, erasing the records and surveillance of his entering the vicinity, then reactivating the security system.

His best option was to wait until nightfall.

April 6, 2011 - 19:34:00 hours.
Location: ShoutBox Gossip Cafe, Centropolis

"This is my new pet," a little girl told a captive audience, "His name is PinkSparkleSunshineYumYumCupcakePony, he's a dawn hikei and he eats grass, sugar and maple syrup!"

"What a lovely pony for a little girl!" A man nodded towards the girl's mother.

"Yes," she quickly agrees, "You should have seen the other pet she wanted!"

Aeria sat a distance away. She glanced up from her Subeta Times newspaper. The way the mother said "other" made it sound like her child was offering her slime.

"Oh," the man replied "What else did the Adoption Agency have tonight?"

"A Rhino tank," she said in a hushed whisper, "Someone drew a face on the thing with lipstick, it looked malnourished and wore weird clothing that didn't fit, and it was just well, wrong..."

Aeria had heard enough. "Vaughn, Devereaux, we're going to Veta Lake."

April 6, 2011 - 19:47:00 hours.
Location: Subeta Adoption Center, Veta Lake

Agent 357 rubbed his horns against the cage bars. Someone had put wool socks on them as a precaution. The action could be likened to trying to baby-proof a chainsaw. Sure, they could probably manage it, but why would you put a baby near a chainsaw in the first place? Similarly, it wasn't like he was going to charge towards someone, yelling "YIPPEE KAY YAY, HUMAN SHISH-KABOBS! YEEHAW!" He figured humans were smart enough to not get close enough to get gored. Evolution, survival of the fittest, and all that.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a woman, a steampunk kumos, and a nightmare irion walk down the hall. Clearly the workings of a bad joke coming up. "Keep going, keep going," he muttered to himself. Of course, they stopped directly in front of his cage. Not again. For what seemed like the past few hours, when he hadn't been trying to get rolled-up socks out of his caches, he was discouraging potential users from adopting him. He was really running low on creative ways to scare people away. Pretty soon, he would have to resort to consuming bodily discharges...

The kumos stared at the pyramid of rolled-up socks in the corner of his cell; the irion stared at his face (earlier in the night he had tried to wipe the lipstick off by smudging his face on the ground...). He imagined the effect had been something akin to the Joker in The Dark Knight (Batman). The woman wiped off the booger streaked glass, and stared up and up at him with pure adoration... The look in her eyes was sheer determination, and he watched as she squirmed and practically shook with glee. She then took off and jetted down the hallway. This one was going to adopt him, he could tell. Oh boy.

The two brutes she brought were beasts, sure, but he would take them down... He spit a loogie at them through the cage bars but it was stopped by the glass. The irion snarled at him but the kumos stayed calm. It was always the quiet ones you needed to watch out for. The saliva slid its way down the glass and they kept watching him. He stared back. A testosterone battle to see who had the biggest--
"BALLS! Guys, look! The adoption agency was giving out free balls today!" She squished the Nerf ball and the air inside came out with a -sssss- sound. "Vaughn, catch!" She chucked the tiny toy down the length of the hall with such velocity, it that would have made a big leaguer proud. The Kumos snapped his head with such speed, the rest of his body didn't even need to move. Before he knew it the ball was back in the girl's hand and Vaughn was back to staring at him. Predator watching prey.

She turned sideways to the girl standing behind her. "We'd like to take him home with us. I'll fill out the paperwork and would like to file to get him a new name."

"Yes, Ms. Lure, we're glad to see him going to a good forever home."

She was flailing in front of his glass now, waving her arms wildly to get his attention. "I'm Aeria," she yelled so loudly, even those hard-of-hearing could make out the vibrations of her voice. "This is Devereaux," she gestured at the irion, "and this big fella is Vaughn! We're going to be your new family! GAAAAH! I'm so excited!" She gushed and grinned at him with pure joy. It was a bit unsettling.

Fifteen minutes later, they left the adoption agency. Agent 357 under the new alias Ammunition.

April 6, 2011 - 20:18:00 hours.
Location: On-Route, Highway

Stepping outside, he saw a tarped 16-wheeled flatbed truck that stretched across an entire section of the parking lot. She really didn't know the meaning of inconspicuous, but he supposed it was nice to actually fit inside, or on, a vehicle.

"Hmm, you're a little to large to sit up front, but it should be nice and comfortable in back. Vaughn will stay with you. You guys can stick your heads out, feel the breeze, loll your tongues at the wind! We shouldn't be going too fast." She grinned mischievously and leapt off the flatbed and headed to the driver's side.

"Time to head home to the peanut gallery guys!" she called back and pulled the bullhorn. "WOOOOO!" -HOOOOOOONK- "Twice for emphasis!"

"Does she even know how to drive this thing?" He joked. There was no response.

Shortly after pulling out the parking lot, down the street and on the highway, he found the answer to his question. YES. She could drive a 16-wheel flatbed truck. The most impressive fact being she maneuvered at highly illegal speeds, of which he was convinced approached land speed records. Most passengers probably climbed out white-knuckled, with their bowels relieved. He could almost channel their post-ride remarks: "I JUST PEED MY PANTS! I WAS SO SCARED!" "I THOUGHT FOR SURE SHE WAS GOING TO WRAP US AROUND AN OAK TREE," He mused.

He glanced at the kumos. The eerie blue eye glowed back at him.

April 6, 2011 - 20:37:00 hours.
Location: Undisclosed Residence, Subeta



April 7, 2011 - 06:58:00 hours.
Location: Undisclosed Residence, Subeta



April 8, 2011 - 23:31:06 hours.
Location: SAI HQ, Arctic Frost

Weapons. Hand-To-Hand Combat. Bazookas. Guns. Artillery. Missiles. Napalm. Rifles. Machine Guns. Grenades. Armor. Infrared. Heat Sensors. Barbed Wire. Night Vision Goggles. Turtles.Rainbows. Ponies. Cows. Elmyra. Socks. Barf.