Angel Irion1. And it came to pass when the children of men had multiplied that in those days were born unto them beautiful and comely daughters.
2. And the angels, the children of the heaven, saw and lusted after them, and said to one another: 'Come, let us choose us wives from among the children of men and beget us children. . .'" - The Book of Enoch, Ch. 6
There is no such thing as perfection, as others will always find a flaw in you.
Even for something as innocent as that purest love, we were marked as fallen angels, sinful creatures that could never return home. We, who served such important roles in the world.. we had been cast away in a second and painted infamously.
My dominion over death and the broken spirits it left behind no longer mattered, as I was no longer "perfect".
It's been a long time since that descent, and I do not regret it for a second. It is what has opened my eyes to the world, what brought me the joy of love.. and the heartbreak of loss. Those angels of heaven know no such things -- they must be pure, untouched, untainted.
I.. do not envy them, they who live in such a horrible stasis.
And yet we were punished for the way we broke away from our yoke.
Even in those first fleeting seconds, I was unlike the rest. Beneath the mantle of obscurity that angels have about them, I remained female. I'm certain you understand where this tale is going already, don't you?
Through that, too, I was divided a thousand leagues apart. My brethren didn't care, of course.. they even understood and accepted this difference.
We were all family, all castaways for deciding to walk among humans...
And, just like them, I was soon bewitched by the ways and manners of humankind. When I was not quietly trying to court the women who set my heart aflutter, I offered my generosity in the form of teaching others about magic and the moon.
Oh, those days.. I was so terribly hopeless when it came to trying to chase that love that had enchanted me so. Before now, I had never known love, and it was absolutely intoxicating..
Finally, that accidental, clumsy boldness brought me face-to-face with an adorable and rather adventurous young woman. Her name was Marianne, and.. oh, there are no words. I fell for her in moments, falling wings-over-wings-over-head-over-heels in love.
She was so wonderful.. she taught me about the human world and much of the Earth that I had never seen. Sometimes, we would go on walks in the forest, or explore forgotten old caves-- I had never known such exciting things until now.
I was perfectly happy to break away from my old life as an archangel of heaven. Even in these days, I would shepherd the souls of the dead home, and comfort those who lived their last moments.. it was similar to before, but a thousandfold more wonderful.
Then, finally, she went and decided to return my love. I was astounded that I had been so lucky as to fall for someone who would be willing to love me in return.. I can still remember that night when she confessed, and all of the beautiful things that conspired just after..
... and then she died only a few months later in a hunting accident, claimed by her own thirst for adrenaline.
Humans are such infinitely fragile creatures.. their lives are short, they are so easily claimed by sickness or freak accidents, and there is so little they can do to prolong their existence.
I... I've no desire to remember the grief I was driven into. I cursed everything from the sky to my own fate, wondering what I had ever done to deserve this.
Sometimes, I even felt like this was all my fault-- going against what I had been taught, ultimately giving into my desires, and leaving heaven.
Had the wrath of our God come down upon me for my betrayal?
My wings lost their healthy sheen, my body grew weak from malnutrition, and I hid away from the sun's loving rays.
One night, my sadness mounted in an emotional throe, and for that short time, I lost my mind. I tore handfuls of my feathers out, I turned my magic against myself... I nearly clawed my own eyes out, leaving me permanently blind.
That night was the worst of it, and I gave into cruel existence soon afterwards, forcing myself to move on.
If I couldn't do that, I would remain trapped in the past. There was no chance of renewal if I did that.
That, of course, didn't lessen the pain at all. While I did have dominion over death, those who had already been taken by its cold grasp could not be returned to the world. I lived to comfort the dying and to lead on the souls of the dead to their penultimate destination-- and that was all there was to it.
The centuries became a blur, and my emotions withered into grays. My life was an autonomous one: awaken, bathe, eat, work, sleep.
As lifeless as I was, I was just as deathless, as archangels know no such thing. Even when cast away from heaven's grace, we remain so important to some of the world's processes that we are cursed with eternal life. My body would shatter away like a shell, leaving a spiritual and magical flame that burnt itself out, and then I would sleep until the world returned to me.
I cared none, and so, for thousands of long years, I was the closest to death that I ever knew.
Through the pessimism-tinted perspective I wore, I didn't expect fate to have any other plans for me. I believed that my life would remain one of seclusion from everyone and everything else, as I feared growing close to anyone only to watch them die.
That, of course, was not the case.
Eventually I wandered to the country known as Japan. I roamed the streets under a mantle of invisibility, shepherding home the souls of the departed, and this job lead me to a forest that reeked of death. I stayed there for some time, finding it surprisingly peaceful, and...
And I'm still uncertain what happened.
At some point, I crossed over a foggy borderline.. and I ended up in this place-- this land that humans and "monsters" alike call Gensoukyou.
I was as baffled as could be, but eventually I just shrugged my shoulders and decided to live here. I hadn't an idea as to how to leave, after all.
This place is supposedly a paradise for all of the forgotten creatures of myth and legend. They migrate here when the world of humankind is no longer friendly to them, or when they are no longer believed in.. I found this truth to be even more suiting of my plight. The irony never ceased to surprise me.
A few long years later, I knew curiosity for one of the first times in over a millennium. After their final judgment, one of the places that the dead could be sent was a ghostly garden paradise. Tired from a long day of wandering the skies and grassy hills, I decided to visit the place.
"Hakugyokurou"-- that was the garden's name. As soon as I entered, there was an overwhelming feeling of peace and light-headed contentment that came over me.
A hundred thousand ghosts and spirits flocked all around me, and the scents of countless different flowers gave the air a dreamy nature.
I didn't need to see to be able to call the place beautiful. My nerves and worries seemed to just drift away on the wind, and though all was peaceful, I was kept company by the drifting, softly-whispering souls that passed me by.
Then a soft voice spoke from the depths of the world around me:
"Hello? Who might you be?"
It was a woman's voice, soft and warm and gentle and beautiful. I hadn't expected anyone to be there, so it caught me by surprise-- but I wasn't afraid, or worried, or anything. This place inspired such peacefulness in me, and I couldn't bring myself to fear what could be.
"Oh, are you an angel? You have such pretty wings! But what are you doing here?" she asked as she wandered closer, childlike wonder in her tone.
In any other case, I would have hid myself away, afraid that I would end up doing something wrong or making some awful mistake-- but I was enchanted by the serenity of the garden.
In a faintly-trembling tone, I told her of myself, and what I was, and why I was here. She was very surprised to have a living visitor, but was certainly happy to have one.
She introduced herself as Yuyuko Saigyouji, the princess of the ghosts. As the benevolent ruler of the garden, she watched over the dead who were brought here to live in eternal paradise.
As she invited me to come and have tea, a soft hand brushed against one of my own. Chasing away any hesitations that still lingered, I took her invitation, and helped myself to wonderful food and drink for the first time in a great long while.
I have returned to Hakugyokurou many times since then. Yuyuko is always so happy to find me there, treating me to wonderful company and something delicious to eat.
She.. she's absolutely wonderful, truly. It's taken me some time to get used to talking and trusting and simply being around someone else, but I've been able to pour my heart out to her.
She's willing to listen to my every woe, to my disappointments and sorrows and tears, and after she's done showing me how life has gotten better, she reminds me that she cares.
Yuyuko describes the sunsets to me, and tells me the colors of every flower in her garden, and guides my hands so I don't trample the tulips..
I couldn't have asked for a greater miracle.
She will always remain there, welcoming me back home to Hakugyokurou, drawing me close into her arms and leading me so I don't trip. I don't have to worry about her ever abandoning me, and Yuyuko is always happy to listen to whatever I have to say..
All I can say is that, in a few words, I love her.
I love her so, so much, and every day I hope that I can make her as happy as she does me. I cannot ever hope to repay all of the kindness and comfort and love that she has given me, but I will certainly try.
Perhaps most importantly, she's helped me to leave the past behind and to ultimately move on.
After everything that has happened, that is all I can do now. If it means happily approaching that future with her hand in mine, I would choose nothing else.
For all of the dead and the dying, for those who need me, and for Yuyuko, I will continue to look to the future.
Credits:
Marine.- The brushes used in the profile are from Obsidian Dawn, while the fonts are from dafont.com.
- The image of the starry night sky is from sxc.hu.
- Character design and the sprites used on the profile are from Junya Ota's game, "Touhou 1: Highly Responsive to Prayers".
Also, some artwork by
Soren. Thank you.
