let me tell you how to be a monster.

disconnect from your emotions. that guilt you feel? nonexistent. that hurt? nowhere to be found. you are a shell, shallow, and no one can tell you otherwise.

erase your past. you may not have always been a monster—may not have always been this shallow pool of nothingness, but you are now. the vast ocean you once were, the expanse filled with so much pain and hurt—it’s gone. you’ve taken an eraser to it and wiped it all away.

bite those around you before they can bite you. you’re less vulnerable to attack if you’re the predator. you cannot be the hunted if you are the hunter.

you are not sad, because you cannot feel.

you are not lonely, because you’ve chosen to be alone.

you are not afraid, because you are what others fear.

and now you can’t be helped.

now that you’ve made yourself a monster, you’re trapped this way. you’ve pushed everyone away. you cannot be saved.

you might as well get comfortable.

more and more lately
i am realizing my strength
any time i brush my fingers
against the world
it breaks

perhaps i am a monster
terrorizing those around me

what does it mean
when those that claim
my friendship or affection
always leave

when reality shatters
so easily

i am used to devastation
it’s a comfort in this
world of lies
where one can never be
too certain

statistically
if the same thing happens
over and over and over
constantly repeating
and the only common factor
is me

i’m the mistake

or perhaps i’m the constant
the thing meant to be there
destroying and
being forged in destruction

it comes naturally to me

like frankenstein’s monster
i didn’t ask to be
i simply am

i will not waste time
wondering why
or blaming myself

i am
the strongest beast around
my footsteps will
shake, shake, shake
the ground

if i embrace my own
faults and
pretend to accept them
no one can
use them against me

if my weakness is
my strength
then no one will know

a demon with pride
is the most frightening thing
of all