Information

Eela has a minion!

Drip the Griim

Eela
Legacy Name: Eela

The

Nightmare Bumbus
Owner:

jem

Age: 12 years, 11 months, 2 weeks

Born: May 14th, 2011

Adopted: 12 years, 11 months, 2 weeks ago

Adopted: May 14th, 2011

This pet has been nominated for the Pet Spotlight!

Statistics

Level: 31
Strength: 78
Defense: 75
Speed: 75
Health: 75
HP: 57/75
Intelligence: 37
Books Read: 35
Food Eaten: 4
Job: Weapons Expert

I II III

so many monsters in you
so many monsters in me
so many
so many
so many, many, many...

- live by the ocean, the hoosiers

The first time I ate a nightmare, it almost spat me out. I could feel it scrambling around my insides, dragging its claws along the walls, trying to decide if I was tasty enough to bother with, until it found a locked door. And then another.

If I didn't have these doors, memory would eat me alive. The nightmares know it--so they got to work.

"no one is here, you need resist temptation no longer."

- ella enchanted, gail carson levine

My therapist has recommended EMDR--a trauma re-processing. So that when I remember, my PTSD doesn't pull me into an endless pit of fear every time. So that I might be able to walk through the world feeling alive. What...could that possibly be like? With the lights out, the universe is an infinite plane of darkness. No stars can reach me here. Do...I want them to?

“are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well?
… just so’s you’re sure, sweetheart, and ready to be healed, cause wholeness is no trifling matter.
a lot of weight when you’re well.”

- the salt eaters, toni cade bambara

My favorite mug has the Mickey's Diner slogan: "you are what you eat / be all you can be". I've wondered, frequent but fleetingly, what I consumed to become so vicious. I grew up outlined with broken glass edges--so easy to stab someone with, or even graze them unintentionally. I wasn't trying to grow up fragile, or messy, or gutted, or so very, very hungry.

I wasn't always trying to hurt people, except when I was. I spent so much time trying to keep the bubble wrap padding intact, I realized belatedly, in a haze of numbness (and probably blood loss), that I was spilling out everywhere. The inky puddle of my body seeping through the floorboards, back into the dirt, on its way home.

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