Hatta has a minion!

Mallymkun the Mookie

He sat in his chair. Perfectly still. Perfectly silent. Perfectly... asleep. It looked as though he had sat in that chair waiting too long for a certain day that never came. The tables before him, pushed together and covered with ragged tablecloths, were littered with tea sets. Saucers. Tea cups. Tea pots. Broken saucers. Broken tea cups. Broken tea pots. And all but straight spoons. Along with the cluster of mismatched tea sets sat cubes of sugar, pastries and burnt out candles.

This was to be a tea party. In the middle of a forest that had been forgotten, and in itself, forgotten the smell of fresh air. The warmth of the sun. The green of the leaves that bounced happily to the tickling breeze. All seemed lost and forgotten.

The eerie yet peaceful silence was soon interrupted. The hare whom was silently, but yet frantically snoring, woke up from his chair and looked around. A dormouse stretched her arms over her head, yawning, as she popped out of a tea pot, knocking its lid off.

Hearing the faint sounds of tiny feet walking across slightly crunchy leaves, Hatta awakened, slowly lifting his head. He kept his arms folded to his chest as he watched the tiny person walk up to the table. The hare twitched and nervously pointed as he spat random noises from his mouth.

As soon as Hatta had seen the tiny person, he leaned forward, smiled and sprung across the tables, knocking over and spilling everything in his path.

"Watch what you're doing!" snarled Mallymkun after Hatta's step had flung her from her pot.

"Tea! Watch out!" Thackery spouted as he grabbed his cup when Hatta passed by, laughing afterwards. He then started grabbing items within his reach, slamming them down in new positions in front of him.

Hatta landed on the ground, kneeling at the same time. "It's you..." he said happily.

The tiny girl stared up at him with a confused look upon her face.

"No, it's not!" exclaimed Mallymkun as she put a tea cup nearly as big as her on a saucer. "McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice!"

Thackery grabbed his ears and yanked them down. "It's the wrong Alice!?" He cried out in fear.

Hatta didn't look back, instead staying focused on the two-foot tall girl. "It's absolutely Alice. You're absolutely Alice. I'd know you anywhere." He looked back at Mallymkun and shouted, "I'd know him anywhere!" The hare and the mouse both laughed at him as he turned back to Alice. He picked her up by the hand and dragged her across the table to his place at the end. "Well! As you can see, we're still having tea and it's all because I was obliged to kill Time while awaiting for your return." He stepped down from the table. "You're terribly late you know." He shook a stained finger at her.

"Naughty."

Meanwhile, Thackery held a tea pot out, pouring tea through a cup with no bottom, into another cup below. He flung back into his chair, cup in hand, as the Cheshire Cat appeared, grinning, beside him. Hatta continued to talk. "Well anyway, Time became quite offended and stopped altogether. Not a tick ever since!" He finished as he made a place for Alice to sit.

Thackery giggled hysterically before noticing that his cup was without a bottom. He peered through it. "Cup..."

"Time can be funny in dreams," Alice said softly as she sat down on the makeshift seat.

"Yes, yes, of course! But now you're back you see." Hatta sat down as well and looked ahead. "And we need to get on to the Frabjous Day." Mallymkun and Thackery raised their cups up in toast and repeated Hatta's last words. He continued, "I am investigating things that begin with the letter M." He placed his hand in front of Alice and leaned forward, whispering a raspy whisper. "Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" Suddenly demon-like words fled from his mouth. "DOWN WITH THE BLOODY BIG HEAD!"

Alice looked at the others sitting at the table. "What?"

Chessur repeated Hatta's outburst calmly, "Down with the Bloody Big Head; Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen..."

"Come, come! We simply must commence with the slaying and such!" Hatta glanced at Alice and proceeded to talk with everyone.

Mallymkun had placed cubes of sugar on the end of a spoon she laid across the rim of a cup, jumped on the other end, and catapulted the cubes at Thackery's forehead. They bounced off, one landing in his tea, as he swung around to see what had hit him.

"And therefore it is high time to forgive and forget, or forget and forgive. Whichever come first or is in any case, the most convenient." Hatta held a pocket watch to his face, looking at it as it ticked.

"I'm waiting."

Thackery pulled a watch from the tea pot in front of him excitedly. "It's tick-tick -- it's ticking again!!"

Hatta smiled and put his watch back into his pocket.

"All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea..." Chessur looked sadly into his cup, setting it down on its saucer. He looked up at Hatta.

A slight second of annoyance flashed across Hatta's face. "The entire world is falling to ruin and poor Chessur's off his... tea..."

The cat ran his finger around the rim of his tea cup, "What happened that day was not. My. Fault." He rubbed his fingers together, rubbing away the dirt left on his paw from the cup.

Thackery brought his cup to his mouth, his teeth chattering against the glass. "Oooooh dear..." he said quietly.

Hatta stared at Chessur for a quick moment before getting up and walking over to him. He spoke, raising his voice as he got closer and closer. "You ran out on them to save your own skin, you guddler's skuttish, pilgar lickering, shukm juggling, slurking urpal, BARLOM MUCK EGG, BRIMNI-" Chessur grimaced in fear as Hatta's last sentence was shouted at him.

"Hatta!!" Mallymkun shouted at him sternly with a spoon in her hands. Hatta turned and looked at her.

"Thank you..." he squeaked.

Thackery piped in quietly, "Oh meeeoow..."

"I'm fine," Hatta dryly said. He stood straight up, giving Chessur an apologetic glance.

Chessur stirred his tea before taking a drink, "What's wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend."

Hatta looked up, remembering the days Chessur spoke of, with a crooked smile.

"Futter what?" asked Alice.

"Futterwacken!!" Thackery slammed his fist against the table, hitting a saucer, which resulted in a spoon flipping into his cup.

"It's a dance," replied Mallymkun as she curtsied. Thackery danced in his chair in a mimicking manner.

"On the Frabjous Day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown," Hatta made his way back to his chair. "On that day... I shall Futterwacken..."

"Vigorously."

The dormouse and hare giggled at him. Suddenly, Thackery's ear shot up. A horse's neigh startled him. "Oooh no!" He hopped on the table, ducking behind Chessur.

Chessur turned around, seeing who was approaching. "Uh oh."

In the distance, a tall man on a horse and a squad of cards followed a bloodhound that seemed to be following a scented trail. Mallymkun gasped, "The Knave!"

"Good bye..." Chessur disappeared, leaving the hare visibly out in the open. Thackery leaped back into his chair.

Hatta pulled a tiny bottle from a pocket and shoved it to Alice's mouth. He spoke softly and quietly. "Drink this quickly." Alice coughed as she shrunk to an even smaller size. Hatta reached, picked up a nearby tea pot and set it down in front of him as she shrank. He quickly grabbed her and stuffed her in the pot. Thackery scrambled to place items into a proper table setting, adjusting a butter knife a few times before picking up his tea and pretending everything was normal.

"Mind you," Hatta whispered to Alice as he continued to stuff the pot with her dress. Mallymkun slowly sat down, nervously picking up her tea and sipping it. Hatta replaced the tea pot's lid and carefully set the pot in his lap, smiling as the group arrived.

Alice stood up inside the pot, holding the ruffles of her dress to her body. "Let me out!"

Stayne hopped off his horse and arrogantly strutted up to the tables. "Well... if it's not my favorite trio... of lunatics." He laughed.

"Would you like to join us?" Mallymkun asked politely.

"You're late for TEA!!" Thackery flailed his cup at the man's head.

Stayne ducked, letting the cup shatter on one of the cards' head who stood behind him. He pointed at the hare, who had plopped into his chair hysterically laughing with the dormouse. Walking up to the mad hatter, he continued to speak. "We're looking for the girl... called uh, Alice." Closing the distance between him and Hatta, he rested his arm on Hatta's chair, smiling an evil smile.

"Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor," he directed Thackery and Mallymkun who sang with him.

"Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at. Up a-"

The knave lost his patience, wrapping his arm around Hatta's neck. "If you're hiding her, she'll lose your heads." He happily snarled, angrily looking out at the messy tables.

"Already lost them," Hatta choked. Mallymkun and Thackery laughed as the knave released Hatta from his grip. "Altogether now! Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky..."

Stayne walked slowly back to the other end of the table as Mallymkun and Thackery repeated 'twinkle twinkle' over and over again. Bayard, the bloodhound who led the group to Hatta's tea party, came out from under the table by Hatta's feet. He bumped the tea pot in his lap and started to growl.

Hatta covered the spout of the pot and whispered to the dog. "Down with Bloody Big Head?" Bayard looked up at him, sadness crossing over his face. He disappeared back under the table as Hatta looked forward.

As Stayne stopped at the side of the hare, Thackery watched him pick up a cup, afterwards asking him if he'd like some tea. "Slice of battenberg?" Suddenly Bayard shot out from under the table running in the direction they came. He barked for the group to follow.

"Follow the bloodhound," Stayne ordered.

"Sugar?" Mallymkun asked Thackery.

"Yes please," replied the hare, smiling into his cup as the mouse threw a sugar cube into it. "Well, that solves it."

"You're all mad," said Stayne, holding up his tea as Mallymkun giggled.

"Thanks very much," laughed Thackery.

"Pass the scones, please," Mallymkun asked as Stayne threw down the cup and stalked away.

Hatta rid his smile as the knave walked off. He quickly put the tea pot Alice was in on the table, taking off the lid. Noticing that she wasn't quite covered, he slammed the lid back down. "Pardon..." Once again he lifted the lid, without looking, only to fit a couple fingers in to take some of her dress fabric. "One moment." He pulled out a long strip and fashioned it into a mini dress. Looking at it, he smiled and dropped the dress into the pot. "Try this on for size." He patiently waited for her to tap on the tea pot after she was dressed. He took the lid off and she stood up, waiting for him to pick her up out of the pot. "Oh!" He picked her up and set her on the table, looking at the dress. "Eeeh..."

"I like it!"

"Good thing the bloodhound is one of us, or you'd be-" Mallymkun made the motion of chopping her head off. Hatta looked at her to be quite.

"What do they want with me?" Alice asked Hatta.

The hare giggled frantically. "Best take her to the White Queen. She'll be safe there." His attention was directed to the spoon in his hand. "...spoon..."

Hatta took his hat off and set it by Alice. "Your carriage, milady."

"A hat?" Alice questioned.

"Of course! Anyone can go by horse or rail, but the absolute best way to travel is by hat." He popped a look over to Mallymkun.

"Have I made a rhyme?"

"Oh! I just love traveling by hat!" Mallymkun stepped forward only to be stopped by Hatta.

"Mally... just Alice, please." With that, Alice climbed on the hat and he stood up. "Fairfallen all."

Alice in Wonderland movie images and spoken script are credited to Disney and Tim Burton.