There must have been thousands of children who have heard the Sorting Hat each year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and I bet absolutely none of them have wondered how the Hat can talk.

Have you ever seen a talking hat?
No?
I thought not.

That's because there is no such thing. The hat can move about, but it doesn't have the capabilities of speech, nor can it really decide which House to sort those children into. That job is mine.

I live inside the hat you see, although if anyone was to try peering into the depths, it's likely they wouldn't even see me sitting there, looking back at them, as I seem to be almost invisible to the majority of the Wizarding race. Even the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures doesn't officially acknowledge that I exist; out of all the paperwork emanating from that department, I'm only referred to in one line of the Endangered Creatures Act of 1608.

Most people who look into the Hat, just see the inside of the old dark material, but some catch sight of me; those are the people I have a particular interest in, as they have a particularly rare characteristic. Like the famous Wizarding Naturalist Luna Lovegood, those who see me, have a strong sense of acceptance for the unusual, and a tendency to believe anything on face value, no matter now extreme it seems. Although most would view that as a hugely negative trait, they also make exceptionally loyal friends, and have an unusual talent when it comes to charm work in particular.

I spend most of my days in the Headmaster's office, listening to conversations, checking that my Sorting abilities are still proving correct. In fact, there's only one person I wish I'd sorted into a different House, and that was Severus Snape; I thought he was a guaranteed Slytherin, but at that point, I still had a lot to learn about the way that love and desire can affect a personality. By the time Neville Longbottom came to place my Hat on his head, I knew for certain that he had a great future ahead of him, although he did take a lot of persuading. The rest of my time is spent composing my new song for the first day of term; it takes a long time to find the right words to rhyme sometimes!

On the first day of term, one of the Professors carefully carries me from the office down to the Great Hall, where I great the new students with one of my songs. Most of them are so scared at the thought of being Sorted, they don't pay any attention to my song at all, but the older students cheer when I've finished.

Once the Feast begins, I can have a short snooze, before being carried back to the Headmaster's Office, usually with some of my song still swimming around in my head:
Now slip me snug about your ears, I've never yet been wrong,
I'll have a look inside your mind, and tell where you belong!

Profile by the ever amazing Ringo!


Based on the Sorting Hat from the Harry Potter books by JK Rowling.
Any references to the Harry Potter books, including quotes, characters and school houses, all belong to JK Rowling, although the Endangered Creatures Act of 1608 was made up by me.