Information

Ux has a minion!

I Was Almost the Dead Person

Ux
Legacy Name: Ux

The

Graveyard Blob
Owner:

Pureflower

Age: 5 years, 4 months, 2 weeks

Born: November 27th, 2018

Adopted: 5 years, 4 months, 2 weeks ago

Adopted: November 27th, 2018

Pet Spotlight Winner
January 3rd

Statistics

Level: 46
Strength: 104
Defense: 10
Speed: 10
Health: 10
HP: 10/10
Intelligence: 44
Books Read: 24
Food Eaten: 0
Job: Scuba Instructor

CREDITS

profile template (c)

helix (get it)
Story by

Pureflower
Background from pixabay
Font from Google Fonts

ACCIDENT

Dr. Trent Mortimus was fantasizing about his future when his car went over the edge of a cliff.

Six weeks out of medical school and he was already imagining all the lives he would change. He had the intellect. He had the dedication to complete an eight-year program in six. He certainly had the ambition. Not even top of his class was good enough...he'd taken on an additional study, despite the fact that most nights he was lucky to get three hours of sleep.

His girlfriend Ruby secretly thought he was nuts but she stuck with him. They'd started dating his first year of college. He'd fished her dog out of a storm drain.

Chico was a rescue mutt; part chihuahua, part miniature pinscher and a full-blooded pain. He was always sneaking out of his crate and working his way into some impossibly tiny opening, then crying about it when he couldn't figure his way out. He had a habit of laying on Trent's chest and waking him up with glaring bug eyes.

The alien stare he could handle. It was the dog's toxic morning breath that could try the patience of a zen master.

In an off-handed way, Chico was the cause of the accident. Trent was trying to be a nice guy, stopping at the meat market to pick up a bag of pig's ears on the way home. The dry squares rattled with every little bump on the uneven surface of the road. Highway 34 really needed some work.

He cursed under his breath when the bones rattled to the floor. He'd be vacuuming crumbs all night. His car was his pride and joy, a candy-red beauty he'd rebuilt with his father's help in high school. Even though the seats all had covers and the floors were lined with hard plastic, he obsessed about keeping his mean machine clean.

He came around a blind curve, spotting the truck that blocked both lanes too late.

It had not only gone dead but had skidded nearly over the rail before coming to rest on its side. Up in the mountains, the warmth of the sun took an extra few months to vanquish winter. Trent slammed on his brakes, discovering his own patch of hostile ice and letting out a strangled yell as he lost control of the car.

The swoop in his stomach was nothing like the thrill of a roller-coaster. That was the closest comparison his shocked brain came up with before the first impact.

The car rolled once, twice, then settled on its hood.

Trent hung suspended by his seat belt, oblivious to the stink of leaking oil and the gradually dropping temperature.

REALITY

For the first time in his life, Trent regretted his extensive medical education.

He'd diagnosed himself in under two minutes. He could've built a mental list of every single injury that was contributing to his overall assessment of the situation but it was easier to sum up his predicament in two words:

I'm dead.

There were definitely broken bones. He was bleeding from somewhere...unless the roof of his car had always been red. No...it was dove gray. His thoughts were slowly going fuzzy. He didn't even notice how hard the temperature was dropping as afternoon melted into evening and evening surrendered to night.

There was a sound somewhere far in the distance, an angry roar. Painful light stabbed his eyes. He scrunched the lids shut tight but the light was still there, impossibly bright, turning his world white. Voices surrounded him, speaking a foreign language.

Then the voices faded and he was left alone in the wonderful, soothing darkness.

He cracked his eyes open, groaning when he realized he was still held in place by his seat belt. How long had he been unconscious? At least a day, judging by the position of the sun. He reached up with his good arm to unbuckle the belt.

That's when he realized his bad arm wasn't feeling bad at all. Nothing was. His pain was gone.

He couldn't be dreaming. The accident had definitely happened...so what was this?

He reached up to rub his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. His skin felt leathery and there was something wrong with his fingers.

They could've heard his scream thirty miles away when he looked at his hand and saw the mummified bones of a gray-skinned skeleton.

He scrambled to free himself, frantic to get to his side view mirror. The animated corpse staring back had his hair, his eyes, even the shape of his cheekbones.

This was the real world, not some movie set. He couldn't be a zombie.

The leering face in the mirror disagreed.

He scrambled to the top of the cliff and didn't stop running until he reached city limits.

STANDING OUT

Every person he passed was staring at him. Grandmotherly types looked disapproving. Little kids cheered or gave him thumbs up. A guy on a skateboard joked that he was a little early for Halloween but he'd make some serious dough if he signed up for next year's zombie pub crawl.

Ruby would still be at work. He needed time to gather his thoughts, to explain this. She was so not into gross...would she dump him on the spot and leave him shuffling through the streets like a real zombie or might there be something in her magic cosmetics bag that would at least let him appear human until he could figure out what to do?

Chico started barking like mad the second he got in the door. This wasn't the usual "hi-how-are-you-I-missed-you-please-feed-me" bark. It was a warning bark, the kind that says "watch-it-intruder-I-am-secretly-a-Great-Dane-in-disguise-and-I-will-EAT-YOU!"

He didn't have the heart to tell Chico to shut his yap. Wait...did he even have a heart anymore? He'd never felt so depressed in all his life...unlife...whatever this crap was.

He changed into a fresh shirt and jeans, burying the tattered remains of his old outfit at the bottom of his overflowing hamper. Ruby would never think to look there. She refused to touch his laundry unless it was with a stick and from a great distance.

Forget to wash a used pair of gym socks one time and you never hear the end of it.

He couldn't stay in the apartment. He couldn't ever let Ruby see him like this. There was only one place he could think to go.

His buddy Shon wasn't just a zombie enthusiast...the guy had a life-sized stuffed zombie doll he'd made himself standing at the foot of his bed. He also talked like a surfer dude despite the fact that he'd never been to California. He was a weirdo, but a loyal friend all the same. He was probably the only living person that would freak in a good way when he saw Trent.

BLENDING IN

"Oh. My. Gosh. DU-U-UDE! You look freakin' sick, man!

Trent's non-amusement must've shown. Shon put his hands up.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to be all, like, undead-insensitive or anything. So are you actually craving brains and tape to keep your limbs from falling off?"

Odd. He really wasn't hungry. Or thirsty. Or even tired. He was worried and incredibly annoyed but there was nothing he needed.

"Not really. I just need a place to crash..." A sudden memory of the plunge, the motion of the rolling car, the gentle drip of his blood, hit him with the force of a train. He bit his lip and tasted dust. "...for a few days. While I figure out what to do about...all of this."

He waved a hand to indicate his new body. Shon poked a curious finger between two ribs.

"Dude...you could totally freak out the anatomy lab. Just stand at the front and when Teach sticks out her pointer stick thingy, you jump out and go 'Boo!'"

"Shon...focus. This is serious. I can't go to work. I can't walk down the street. I can't even go in my own apartment without my girlfriend's dog going totally nuts...and I mean even more than usual."

"That's saying a lot, dude. Chico is like...the Energizer Dog or something."

"Look...I know you dropped out of the program..."

"Pursued the path of alternative medicine, man. If I'm going to take nature's bounty and turn it into stuff, I want that stuff to be all-natural and animal-free. You wouldn't believe what people will take if they think it'll help them lose a few pounds."

"Alright. The point is, you were the best chemist in the whole class. I was hoping you could...you know...help me find a cure for this."

"Totally rad! Only...if you start drooling and trying to grab my head, I reserve the right to use my zombie apocalypse gear. No offense, man. Just got to look out for the little people, you know?"

"You can put me in a cage if you want. Let's just get started."

They concocted creams and lotions. Some turned his hair new colors, others made his skin bright neon blue, or spotted like an overripe banana or scaly like a fish. He didn't feel anything, even when he sprouted more hair than Bigfoot. The hair was white as new-fallen snow.

"Sorry, dude. I got a spare razor around here somewhere..."

Days turned into weeks and all Trent got was another dozen fashion transformations. He was ready to throw his hands in the air and accept his fate as the bum that lives under a bridge when Shon came in with a book he'd never seen before.

"Dude...you gotta swear on your girlfriend's life that you will never tell anybody I have this. If the government ever found out...there's no telling how many evils they'd cook up with this formula. It's called the Elixir of Life. I know, dude. I rolled my eyes when I first heard about it too. It's even written like the world's biggest hoax. I mean...eyelashes of a butterfly? Toenail clippings from someone that's over a hundred? It sounds like something a little kid would write to freak their friends. It's all we've got, though. If this doesn't work...I'm sorry dude, but you're gonna have to move somewhere Halloween is a year-round thing."

ELIXIR

It took three whole days to cook the stuff. When Shon was asleep, Trent stood tirelessly stirring the pot, staring down into the sludgy green liquid that would either give him his life back...or prove that there was, in fact, a way to kill the undead.

Shon poured the final product into a beaker. "Bottoms up, dude. You know...if this works, we could start up a whole line of prescriptions for the undead. Instead of Px...Ux! Dude, we should totally get a patent on that or something."

Trent sniffed the beaker and instantly wished he hadn't. Taking a deep breath, he did his best to swallow its contents in one gulp. It tasted even worse than it smelled.

His skin began to change instantly. It was rippling, taking on a healthy peachy-pink glow. They'd done it!

So he thought...until he blacked out.

RETURN

"Baby? Can you hear me?"

He cracked his eyes open, hearing the way his heart began to race on the monitor. Ruby was sitting on the edge of his bed, her hand half-extended as if to stroke his cheek.

"How...bad?"

There were tears in her eyes. He'd never seen Ruby cry, not even the time she fell down the stairs and broke her toe.

The Elixir...it must not have worked. Did he look as bad as when he'd crawled out of the car...or worse?

"They say it's a miracle you're still alive. You were in that car for nearly six hours before search and rescue could get you out."

"Huh?"

"You've been in the hospital almost a week. I've missed you so much! Chico missed you too. It's so funny, but I had the hardest time getting him out of his crate. He kept staring at the front door and barking at nothing...until Shon stopped by to return those books you let him borrow. Chico totally bugged out...I mean, even more than usual. I dug out that lavender chew toy that's supposed to calm dogs down. Biggest waste of twenty bucks you ever saw."

"Did Shon...say anything?"

Ruby snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah...like I can understand that oddball. His lingo's got more dudes than a ranch. Oh...he did ask me to give you a note. Hold on a sec..."

She dug through her clutch, coming out with a much-wrinkled wad of paper.

Shon's cramped, chunky handwriting was almost unreadable. The fact that it was in pencil and badly smeared wasn't exactly encouraging. Trent squinted, turning the paper this way and that. He could only make out a few chemical components and the word "banana".

The paper fell from his hands when he saw "Ux" doodled on the bottom right corner of the page.

"Did...did Shon tell you what it was for?"

"Another one of his comic book ideas, I think. Something about a brilliant doctor that got turned into some kind of zombie and goes all over the world looking for a cure while battling killer robots...something like that. He said you were his inspiration. I thought that was sweet...even if his idea sounds like something a five-year-old would write. He said he'd call it Elixir. He got pretty blue when he found out about the accident."

Ruby took out the little compact case she carried everywhere, touching up her lipstick.

"Hey, Ruby Doo...can I...see?"

She mashed her lips together. "You'll be your old handsome self in a while, Trent. It's like you told me when I was hobbling around the apartment. You have to give yourself time to heal."

He came clean about the dream. He told her about his rotten green skin and sickly yellow nails and the way his eyes bugged out of his head. She was quick to reassure him, even leaning down to give him a careful kiss on the lips.

"Oh, baby! It's no wonder you looked so scared when you woke up. I promise you do not look like a zombie. See?"

She finally let him see his reflection. She was right. He didn't look like a zombie.

He looked like a mummy.

What little of his skin he could see was human, though. He could feel his heart beating, his lungs expanding with air. A smile started to creep over his face. Maybe it had only been a dream...

His smile froze in place.

Right down the middle of his dark hair was a line of brittle strands as white as new-fallen snow.