Full Ninja Mask
Black Ribbon Choker
Brown Eyeball Beanbag
Pink Capped Hidey Egg
Blueberry Paper Boy Clean Cut
Pisces r Aquarius w Virgo Moon
"Though the world is cruel, there's a light that still shines in the darkest days of our lives."
Above is absolutely one of my favorite lines in a song in a long time. We all have points in our lives when things seem really bleak, or perhaps for some if not many of us they are very bleak. I could try to make grandiose statements about how there's always an end to it as long as you're willing to fight for it, and how there is good to be found in any bad situation, statements of which are true, but... I can speak from firsthand experience when I say that it's not always easy to find and more importantly, to accept those good things.
Hey. For those wondering, my name is Rain. It is a name I chose, a name I will be legally changing to when I am able. Most people don't like the rain, but I love it above all else. The rain is soothing, it's healing, and the water it is made of is far stronger than many give it credit for. It gives life and brings beauty into the world - people often say that you can't have a rainbow without the rain, but to me even the wet ground and leaves themselves have a certain beautiful vibrancy to them that they don't when they are dry.
I am.... well, as you might have gathered from reading this. I am extremely introspective, with an immense respect for emotions without a fear of logically analyzing them as well as feeling them and taking them seriously. I've learned a great deal about myself through paying attention to them and I continue to learn more. It's helped me be able to understand and relate to other people more, with my own experiences giving me some power to help and support those who need it.
These past few years unfortunately I have not been doing well myself. As I mentioned above I have PTSD, and that anxiety has left me... as barely half of who I used to be. It's taken me many years, but as of this year I have finally been able to start facing the true core of my fears to get through it, but it has absolutely meant that I don't have a lot of energy for much else. As often as I've been put on a pedestal for being incredibly strong by close friends and near-strangers alike, I still would not be able to do this without the support of those closest to me. I believe I am getting very close to the end, though.
Overcoming this is a lot like the states of mourning, and I'm finally starting to reach acceptance.
I realize that this is rather unorthodox for a profile, but to tell you the truth right now it's very difficult for me to think of much else. Right now this is my life, and any bit of light that I can still find it is I believe is worth putting out there. Nothing about these past ten years has been easy, and with this all being intense enough to now cause me multiple bouts of insomnia it's certainly not been getting easier as I've continued to dig my way further into the core of it all.
More than anything I suppose this profile is a deceleration. A deceleration that even though it's gotten so tough, I still don't intend to give up until I see it to the end, as I've sacrificed too much to get here as it is. When I tell these kind of things, my hope is that it could not only best tell you who I am in a sense much more deep than simply telling you my favorite colors, and that perhaps it can be motivating to you as well. I don't know how well I've done that this time, but... well, I can hope.
I'll change this profile to a more orthodox one eventually, but for now I hope you know that even if I don't know you, I'm wishing you the best. No matter who you are or what you've done, you deserve it.
Contains Some Mature Content