It's no secret that some users seem to have a problem with me, and even with this disclaimer it probably will not change things, but I want a chance to be able to explain myself without having to type it over and over again.

I am an absolute slough of medical and mental problems. Depression and anxiety is one of them, which is probably not that uncommon. Many people have them. It fucking sucks. But the one that causes me the most trouble is Borderline Schizophrenia.

It does some very bizarre things to my brain. Aside from just occasionally hallucinations, it causes some other shitty issues. My thought patterns, the way I get from A to B, differ from the norm. That is why I have a hard time differentiating what's appropriate and what isn't. Often times barriers that should be there to stop me from saying stupid shit don't exist.

I do not stop to think at first 'don't do this' because my brain literally doesn't do it. I cannot stop this. There's no medication I have found to prevent this.

In the same vein, this also causes me to become sort of...stuck in other worlds. I am aware of what's real and what's not but what my brain categorizes as important and what's not important is very warped. I find far more interest in things that aren't real and not near me than real life.

But interest is far less of an interest and more of an obsession. I am aware it is a problem, and again I cannot fix it. I try, boy fuckin' howdy do I try. But I always end up falling into pits of being obsessed over things.

So when people say I talk to much about Supernatural (which, I honestly don't, is it because my name is Castiel?) it's because of this. It's because my brain doesn't give me the cue to say 'hey stop, don't do that' until after I've done it.

So my medication helps me somewhat, keeps me slightly more in control, but in addition to all my other bullshit my memory is horrible. I often times go unmedicated, simply because I don't remember to take my shit. Pill boxes, alarms, reminders; they do not work. So sometimes my mood will change. It will become either slightly manic or incredibly angry.

This is not an excuse saying I can do whatever the fuck I want. I am aware this probably sounds like a copout but there is honestly shit I just cannot control.

And to tell me to so easily change myself is like telling a man without legs to just get up and walk.