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Malevolent Dragon Plushie | Imperial Serpent Plushie | Melody Starred Musical Note Plushie |
Squishable Plane Plushie | Snowggie Pillow Plushie | Lilac 2012 Bear Plushie |
Up until end of July 2023, I worked in food retail, so in no particular order, entertain yourself with the actual customer interactions I've been blessed with: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: So, where are you from? Me: Take a guess, and here's a clue: what's the biggest country in the world? Customer: Ooh, are you from New Zealand? No, wait, hang on, I think Ireland might be bigger than New Zealand... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Hey, excuse me, could you help me with the vouchers here? How do I process them? Me: Well, seeing you're using self service, you have to separate them, like this, scan them in individually, like that, and then put them into this slot that says "Vouchers". So it's rather simple. Customer: Oh, sure, this is very easy to do when you work for this company. Places hand on chest. Not all of us work for *insert the shop's name*, you know? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: You see, I live in Italy now, and all this paying with card malarkey, you know, putting the card into the chip and pin device and actually typing my number in, it's not easy anymore, as I forgot how to do it in the six months I haven't been back to England. Oh my God, why isn't this card going in? Customer tries to put her card into the device holder. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I heard this being said to my a colleague who, although not a pixie, was 7 months preggers with her at the time first child. Customer: Well, looks like someone needs to eat a little less bread. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: HELLO! CAN ANYONE HELP? waves his hands in the air to attract attention, standing by self-service till, because the light is flashing red to indicate a problem Me: As you can see, sir, all three of us are busy with our respective customers, but we'll be with you as soon as we possibly can. Customer: For fuck's sake, I've been away for three years, I have no patience to wait for any of you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Oh, yes, we're from the States, visiting for few weeks. We just love the different cultures Europe has to offer. Unfortunately, our culture isn't so...cultured. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Ah, it's always cool to meet someone born outside of England. Me: Thanks! And here's your 2 pence chance. 2p or not 2p, that is the question. Customer: You know you've been in this country too long if you start sprouting Shakespeare at people. Have a good one! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Excuse me, are you actually going to open up any checkouts? It's ridiculous that we have to queue this far back. Me: I'm terribly sorry for that, but I literally just came in to start my shift. Customer: Well, that's not a good enough of an excuse, is it? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Excuse me, but I've put this baguette into a second bag just so that you wouldn't touch the end part that was poking out of its original packaging. Me: Apologies for taking the other bag off, but not only was there any other way for me to scan the barcode, but I've only been touching your baguette through its original packaging. Customer: No, you have touched the bread! Me: OK, I'll get my supervisor to get you another one. Presses the Item Exchange button. Customer: Oh, this is ridiculous, I'll get the bread myself. Takes the baguette out of my hands. Supervisor: arrives seconds after the call. What would you like changed? Customer: I'm getting this baguette myself. Nods in my direction. She touched it with her filthy mitts, and I don't want it now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Completely different situation to the one above. Customer: Why are you touching my bread rolls? Me: Because I need to see what sort of rolls they are so that I can put the correct quantity of right rolls for the stock level, and I can't tell what they are the way they've been placed into their bag. Customer: Maybe you should smile more as you're telling me this, yeah? Me: under my breath I would, if I liked clowns. A week later Customer: being the third in line being served by me Hey, it's the grumpy one. Hello! Me: acknowledges his presence with a nod and a smile but carries on serving current customer. Customer: Excuse me? Did you say something? Me: Yes, because I'm talking to this lady I'm just finishing serving. Customer: Ah, OK. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: Hello. Customer: No, thank you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Excuse me, why isn't this self-service checkout not scanning my item? Me: Most likely because the barcode isn't printed properly. What you can do is press this button here, and type in the 8 digits printed just below the barcode. Easy. Customer: Oh, for heaven's sake, why does it have to be me who has to type it in? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: Would you like any bags? Customer: Yes, thank you. Proceeds to take the bag(s) out of their trolley/handbag/etc. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are a lot of people using self-service tills, enough to have formed a queue, which means more red lights than usual are flashing up for our attention, and more security tagged items going through that need to be dealt with. Me: Here's your bottle of whiskey back, with the tag taken off. Hands the item to the customer and heads to deal with the next quiery. Customer: My shopping bag points to the bag standing on the floor is right here, you know. It's not like I'm asking you to pack it for me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: So, where are you from? You look too happy to be a Canadian. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A lady in her 50s approaches me whilst I'm working on self-service tills. Customer: Excuse me, but I took this green banana out of the section where you keep the free food for kids, and I can't eat it. It's too green. Me: Um, you do realise that the free fruit is meant to be there for children? Customer: Well, I'm someone's child, aren't I? Anyway, that's not the point. This banana is inedible because it's too green. Me: notices another banana, of similar size and colour of the one she's complaining about, lying on top of her shopping in her hand basket I'm sorry, but there's nothing that I personally could do for you. May I suggest either talking to the member of the fruit and veg team, or going to the Customer Service Desk and asking them to call an appropriate person, if you wish? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In our store, we charge for the plastic and other reusable bags, but we give out small red plastic bags for raw meat in case the packaging breaks and the raw juices leak over anything else. Customer: Can I have red bags for the meat? I'd like to have one bag for each item, and it's your job to put the meat into the bags. It's how we do it in this country. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A married couple, regulars who, up until recently, had own shop in town, come up to my till. It happened to be main till, which only has space for baskets at the end from which a customer approaches the till, otherwise either cashiers will end up tripping over baskets by wanting to get out if they're put near us (which is a pain to navigate around for cashiers who are less physically able to do it, or it can also be seen as health and safety hazard in case of fire - tripping cashiers/being in the way/etc), or there will be no space left for the trolleys if the baskets are stacked few inches further. They put their shopping basket on, so I empty their shopping onto the checkout belt. Me: Hey, do you mind just popping this basket at the other end, please? Husband: Sure, I'll do it. Wife: Well, if we wanted to do this all ourselves, we should've gone to self-service. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Hey, excuse me, this item in the bagging area of my self-serve till isn't registering. I think that's because it's lying on its side instead of standing upright. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: comes up to an empty checkout opposite mine, and starts unloading her shopping. After putting few items on, she looks around, sees that there's no one at the till, and looks at me. There's no one there, is there? Me: Nope. Customer: moves her shopping onto my till But why didn't you tell me there was no one on this till? I got sent to this end by [team leader], thinking this will be the quiet end of the tills. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: sticks her head into the open makeshift door, wanting to go into the toilets Me: Sorry, you can't go in there, seeing that it's a contraction site. Temporary toilets are currently located in the car park. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: to the customers at the very end of my till. Hey, excuse me! The till opposite me now is now free, as my colleague just opened it. Customer: looks at me for few seconds and carries on waiting their turn. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our store has a £30 limit for contactless payments. If it's £30.01 or more, the payment will be declined. Anyone using self-service tills will get a message of "payment processing", followed by "contactless payment used too soon" if they try to use their card on "scanning" screen. Customer: is on self-serve till and is trying to pay for £30.08 worth of shopping before pressing "finish and pay" button, which will take her to the payment screen. Me: You need to press "finish and pay" button before you can pay by card, and you can't pay contactless for shopping over £30. Customer: But the till is telling me that the payment has been processed. I've already paid £60. Me: mentally strangles the woman for not listening whilst pressing "finish and pay". Nope, you haven't. For one, you're on the wrong screen for payment, for two, you can't use contactless for shopping over £30, and for three, you get the receipt for when you've paid out of this slot right there. Receipt which you haven't received yet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman in her 30s, dressed in a smart casual clothing, is using self-service tills. She hasn't got an ounce of a foreign accent. Customer: Hey, this item isn't scanning. Me: It's because you have a message on the screen. Customer: Why is the till asking me about quality? Me: It's asking you about quantity. Customer: What is quantity? Me: The amount of whatever the last item you scanned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: points at the screen of self service till Excuse me, love, but this doesn't add up. I've got soup at £2, cheese at £1, and crackers at £1, and it should come up to £3. Why does it say that the total is £4? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: walks into the store with his daughter and addresses her. Fucking hell, this place pisses me off. Me: under my breath. Try working here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: hands me a money off voucher that's in Euros, a currency not accepted in UK but is in Republic of Ireland. Me: I'm sorry, but I can't take this. If it was in pound sterling, then it wouldn't be a problem. Customer: We live in Ireland, but I was born [in England]. Me: Me: Me: Those vouchers get sent out to you to the address of your current residence, so your place of birth shouldn't matter. Customer: But I was born here, so this should be accepted! Oh, this is ridiculous, call your supervisor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: Excuse me, my card won't work on this self-service till. Me: Hmm, it appears that the chip and pin device isn't working at the moment. I have to restart it. Customer: Oh, that's fine, I can use another card to pay with in the same till. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: unloads his whole shopping from a trolley onto the checkout belt, then looks around and askss my colleague at a nearby till. Excuse me, isn't there anyone at this checkout? Colleague: serving her own customer. No, sir. Customer: But the green light indicating that the till is open was on, so I pushed this gate open, thinking that there is someone here. Coleague: I'm sorry, someone must have left the light on by mistake. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Customer: to my colleague who recentrly came back to work after having her leg broken. It's against God's will for you to walk around with a limp. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Different customer to the above moment. Customer: to my colleague who is wheelchair bound. Can't you just, you know, get up and go and get the item? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: Serving two ladies in their late 50s or early 60s And your total comes to this amount. One of the ladies: HOW much? I'll have to sell my body for that. Too bad no one would want it. Turns to her friend. Remember when we used to sell our bodies? To no one in particular now. I haven't had sex in 28 years. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: Would you like a receipt for your transaction? Customer: Yes, just in case I end up dead tomorrow from COVID. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me sitting with no customers at my till, doing absolutely nothing Customer: coming up to my till Excuse me, are you open? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I still work in retail, but now work with phones instead. Customer: Excuse me, my phone isn't connecting to my Wi-Fi at home. Me: Well, seeing that I just connected you to instore Wi-Fi without any problems, I'm not sure what the problem might be, then. But it seems that it's definitely not your phone. Customer: Shall I bring my router in for you to have a look at, then? Me:...... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How I've seen people wear their facemasks during the pandemic: ~ Have it under their chin ~ Wear it over their mouth but not their nose (I've seen my mother do this *eyeroll*) ~ Wear one as they drive the car to the petrol station, take it off the moment they get out of the car, fill up the car, pay for the fuel at at the time window/hatch, get back into the car and put the mask back on ~ Take a hole puncher to it to have holes (for ease of breathing?) ~ Wear it in the shop, take it off completely to tell something to their spouse, then put it back on ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |