Duuuuudddes, if it takes me 20938298 years to reply back to you this month i'm sorry D8! Please continue to update me with your life, gossip, random comments, new pet colours etc please. 8'C
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Yo! I'm a lazy individual with not enough time on their hands to waste... but does it anyways. I'm currently living the hobo life in a dirty old house with a bunch of young, but funky uni kids. In my spare time I enjoy unclogging drains and reading the labels off of detergent boxes. I'm also hoping to expand my cooking repertoire over the next few years to something more than just rice and mayonnaise.
I speak Cantonese, Korean, Mandarin, German, Japanese, very bad English and enough Russian to get my ass kicked. Sometimes I fall asleep on doorsteps, which leads to people randomly leaving money at my feet. This is my primary source of income, but I also earn a little extra cash on the side by freelancing my limbs.
I like cake.
1) The covers must always be shared. We are not thieves. Blanket hoggers will not be tolerated especially during the winter.
2) Pillows, there are two for a reason and sometimes four. I will try and keep my over-sized noggin off your pillows s'long as you keep yours off of mine, least our drool rivers combine and become the Drool Congo. I promise to keep my fuzzy teeth and god-awful morning breath/horrendous hangover breath out of your face. I swear.
3) I'm a big boy and you're a big girl, in the middle of the night if you need to use the bathroom or snack on some buffalo wings or you want to take advantage of my duty free tequila do it as quietly as humanly possible.
4) No mans land, that's right in the middle of the bed and is by far the comfiest spot known to mankind. We can't both have it and thus we will settle this dispute like adults by playing 'rock, paper and scissors'.
5) Mister Snuggles is not allowed in the bed nor are his stuffed animal pals for they take up valuable sleeping space.
6) So you can't sleep and you're hit with a severe case of insomnia. If you must count sheep do it in your head please. Do not poke your snoozing friend awake. Do not ask your bed buddy if they are awake because for the bajillionith time the answer will be 'no'. Do not, for any reason, stare spitefully at your peacefully sleeping partner. They will sense your burning gaze and will be severely freaked out when they manage to prop an eyelid open and are blasted with all your pent up frustration and hate. No TV, not even on mute the bright lights burn my eyes.
7) Farts are strictly forbidden, not everyone will enjoy your brand half as much as their own.
8) Keep your feet to yourself, as well. We will not accept the following: Gecko Feet, Ice Feet, and Sharp-Ass Calloused Weapon Feet. None are pleasant. Being roused from a deep, dreamless sleep because of nasty feet is punishable.
If these rules are broken you will be exiled not the couch of previous years, either. Exile now consists of a bathmat and a teacloth blanket in the hallway.