Emerson has a minion!

Joseph Chandler the Sir Loves-a-Lot

My name is Emerson Kent, and I am a detective constable (DC) at the Whitechapel police station in London, England.

When I was a child, I was just this shy and awkward boy with pale skin and soft curly hair. The nickname Emma, as the older boys often made fun of me with, was unfortunately one downside of having Emerson as the first name. However, my spirit was high, and I wanted to prove them wrong, showing them I could be as tough as a copper when I grew up. Look! Here I am, even though still a bit reserved and insecure comparing to other detectives, I feel that I am gaining confidence every day.

As the youngest DC in the team, being teased from time to time is inevitable, but I know my colleagues never mean any real harm. To compensate my inexperience, I always put more effort and dedication to each task I am given. Even though crying occasionally in the car park is necessary for me to cope with the stress, I am no where near weak.

In the late summer of 2008, a new detective inspector (DI), Joseph Chandler, was transferred here to lead our team. At first, I thought I merely hero-worshipped him, but later realized that I had fallen in love with him since the beginning. However, I told myself that things could never work out. First of all, he was my boss; and you could have guessed what people in the station would say when they sensed even a hint of such a relationship: Chandler taking advantage of me, or me trying to take a career shortcut. Then, there was an age gap of eleven years. Lastly and most importantly, I didn’t even know if he was interested in men at all.

However, no matter how hard I tried to suppress my feeling, it only grew stronger and stronger each day. Confessing to my DI was never easy or even possible. All I could do was to impress him at work, always trying to be the most hardworking, loyal, and supportive. What could I say? I adored him with all my heart, and I longed for his attention even if it was just a simple word of encouragement, a smile, or a gentle pat on the shoulder.

But none of it was ever enough, as I was constantly tormented by this unconfessed love. Envy and bitterness would fill my heart whenever DS Miles introduced a new date to Chandler. Disappointment could eat me away if I did not do a good enough job to please my DI. I was even angry at the fact that my twin sister was dating my work partner, DC Mansell. Being happy became a luxurious and distant dream. Mansell once said to me, “maybe other people’s happiness reminds you of what you’re missing.” I rarely agreed with him on such matters, but he was right this time.

The unrequited love made more and more darkness within me creep out. I started to notice my reflections off mirrors, windows, or even computer screens. What scared me was they were distorted in an unreal and horrifying way, as if I was slowly turning into a monster or something wicked. The thought of myself hurting others like those criminals I was trained to catch was terrifying. I knew this had to stop, but I didn’t know if I was brave enough to do so.

At the end of 2013, upon successfully solving yet another difficult case (thanks to DI Chandler, wasn’t him the most amazing detective?), something eventually slipped out of my mouth as I was asking Chandler to join our celebration party after work. “Sir, a few of us are going to the pub, bit of a celebration. Em…Would you like to join me…us?” Even though I quickly corrected myself, the word was already out.

Chandler paused for a second, and it was the longest second in my life. I panicked and regretted the slip instantly, fearing the damage it might have done. But to my surprise, he said “I’d love to” with a light but knowing smile. I thought I was going to faint out of the sudden surge of joy. “Oh, great! I’ll see you there!” Not until my handsome DI turned away, I managed to respond. Then, blushing like a teenage boy and still nervously fiddling with my fingers, I just stood there and stared after him as he disappeared into his office.

Credit:
Profile and story by me.
All characters/images © ITV’s Whitechapel.