Deadpool has a minion!

Weasel the Bobber

Profile by: bekah

Name: Unknown

Known As: Wade Wilson

Alias: Deadpool

Job: Mercenary (The Merc with the Mouth)

Powers: healing factor, augmented strength, speed, and agility

Friends: Weasel, Blind Al, Montgomery, Banshee, Siryn, Cable, Ratbag

Enemies: Pretty much everyone

Loves: Duct tape, Taco Bell, saying Chimichanga, breaking the fourth wall, never shutting up, Mercedes, Annastasia, Siryn

My name is Wade Wilson. I spent a lotta years doin' things I wasn't particularly proud of. Then I got cancer. Then I joined the Weapon X project, hopin' to find a cure. I gained a healing factor which eliminated the cancer, and most of my skin. Then I washed out of Weapon X as a failed genetic mess. I was discarded, along with dozens of others. Left to rot in the Dead Pool. Busted out. Did a few more things I was't particularly proud of before I found my calling - as Deadpool.

I was really impressed by the whole idea. Y'know... "heroes" and "villains." As though life actually was that simple. I'd never really thought of myself as a villain - I was a merc. The hero of my own story. The good guys were the ones with the checkbook. But, suddenly, something was different. Like, all of a sudden, it mattered how I defined myself. All those guys with tights. White hats and black hats. Just like that, it suddenly mattered to me which one I wore... y'know, where the line was. And, just like that, I realized I had a moral code. A line I wouldn't cross.

You ever see that old cartoon with the squirrel who's trying to eat a coconut? Chuck Jones, I think... This retarded squirrel finds a coconut and thinks that he's hit the giant acorn mother load - only he can't crack the nut. It's too hard. So he gets a jackhammer, he throws it down the stairs, runs it over with a truck... nothing. Finally he pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way to the top of the empire state building, and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back... and you know what's inside? Another coconut shell. That squirrel is in cartoon hell. That squirrel is me. Every time I get a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, I do it... And every time, I get the shaft for my trouble. Every time, there's another coconut shell I gotta crack. But just like that retarded squirrel... in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and I try again.

None of this is actually happening. There is a man. At a typewriter. This is all his twisted imagination.