Information

Judge has a minion!

Jury the Great White Shark

Judge
Legacy Name: Jurist

The

Common Experiment #1107
Owner:

Pureflower

Age: 6 years, 5 months, 1 day

Born: November 23rd, 2017

Adopted: 6 years, 5 months, 1 day ago

Adopted: November 23rd, 2017

Statistics

Level: 40
Strength: 121
Defense: 10
Speed: 10
Health: 10
HP: 10/10
Intelligence: 44
Books Read: 20
Food Eaten: 0
Job: Scuba Instructor

Prefers a Picnic Bench to THE Bench

I LOVE to grill!

I can almost forget the hours I spend up on the bench, deciding which fools to send to jail and which to merely put on probation. Most of the ones who get a lenient sentence end up back in front of me within a month. So much for the milk of human kindness.

My wife never raises a complaint when I take up the spatula. Unlike the unruly pack of attorneys pacing in front of the bailiff and shooting me sly looks. Vultures in custom-tailored suits. That's what I think of that lot. There are only a handful in this entire city I can truly respect.

Reporters, on the other hand, all equate to a certain substance one scrapes off of shoes with a pointy stick.

I've agreed to do an unofficial interview to clear up some points about this so-called "Lotto Murderer" case. The freckled young man sent over by the newspaper looks more like a high school student than a trained reporter...maybe he won't have that annoying habit of asking all the wrong questions and this article will be an unbiased look into a judicial professional's career.

Right.

Maybe all crime will cease and all the judges of the world will win a lifetime vacation to the Bahamas.

*****

Reporter: Thank you for agreeing to this interview. Just to give our readers a little background information, you were a clerk under the Honorable Percival C. Higgenbottom before being selected as a District Court Judge, right?
Judge: That is correct.

Reporter: The media has often referred to Mr. Higgenbottom as "Old Steel Gavel". Is it true that he never once had a hung jury on any of his cases and that only three people to pass through his courtroom were ever fully acquitted?
Judge: He took great pride in his record and his ability to make instructions to the jury crystal clear, though the "Three Free" bit is exaggerated. I like to think many crimes were never committed as a result of his stellar reputation.

Reporter: Do you think he would feel you've lived up to that reputation?
Judge: I can't speak for him, of course. However, I do believe he'd agree that I've worked dilligently to uphold the integrity of our legal system to the best of my ability.

Reporter: How do you think he would feel about the verdict in the Lotto Murderer case?
Judge: He would wholeheartedly agree that dramatics have no place in the courtroom! *ahem* Excuse me. I have rather strong feelings about turning a solemn place into a mock Hollywood set. However, sometimes evidence is uncovered which must not be excluded in the legal process, lest we lost sight of achieving justice. While I frown on Attorney's methods, I greatly respect his thoroughness in vindicating a wrongfully convicted man.

Reporter: Do you feel the legal system is flawed?
Judge: Certainly not. Does it have flaws? Yes. Anything made by man will have errors introduced but at its core, the legal system gives us those rules and procedures that allow us to sleep soundly in our beds at night without a spear or club at hand.

Reporter: What about this other man...Lawyer? Is it true he took a bribe from the real killer to framne the falsely convicted Client?
Judge: *inaudible muttering* I cannot discuss an ongoing investigation. However, you are certainly welcome to read the existing trial transcript for my views on the...gentleman of that name.

Reporter: Is there anything you'd like to say to our readers who might be considering a legal career?
Judge: I'd suggest they invest in a multitude of sleep aides and antacid tablets. *laughs* All joking aside, I advise them to choose an area of law they're passionate about. Don't go in for litigation or criminal law simply because you believe it will be a lucrative branch...or some irate judge such as myself will embarass you in front of a roomful of your colleagues by asking if you wouldn't be better suited accepting a job at the local car wash.

Reporter: I appreciate your taking the time to meet with me. Good luck on your upcoming cases.
Judge: Thank you.

*****

This is the order in which I stack my plate: brats, double-decker bacon cheeseburger, grilled corn, cole slaw and corn bread smothered in honey. I'd eat twice as much if there wasn't still the dessert buffet to consider.

My granddaughters are practicing their speeches for what they did over summer vacation. I'm an old hat when it comes to grandchildren...I know how to smile and nod in all the right places so they won't figure out my brain is a million miles away.

Passive listening is as habitual as donning my black robe.

That blasted trial keeps playing through my mind like an annoying film stuck on loop in a machine with a busted eject button. Until I'm focused on the next trial with its own set of annoyances, this one will continue to demand my attention.

I'm quite grateful that Attorney has a conflict of interest that prevents him from taking part in this trial.

I have a feeling that young man will take my seat one day.