Entry 1
11 / 16 / 1996.
It's been a while since we spoke last. I took your advice and moved up north, off the grid, like you said would be good for me. The other villagers don't know much of me, and give me strange looks when I finally bring myself to wander into town, they started calling me Caucasian. I gotta be honest, I kinda like it. They're placing bets on me, that I won't survive long here. I wagered myself in them. My money's on me staying. Anyway. It's mostly for the homemade alcohol, I go out for, I'll be honest with you. Would have loved the makeshift moonshine they have here. Though, they could never replicate the Southern moonshine I was brought up on. You would have loved it here.. I don't understand why you couldn't make it up here with me.
I'm going back to that place, so I should leave it at that.
Yes, I still have Monte and Snit. I knew you were going to ask. They got their adult coats in, can you believe? They're beautiful. Monte has the best Agouti coat I've ever seen, and Snit's right behind him with his Saddleback. Hard to believe they're related, haha. Man, it's weird thinking back to when they were pups. We stayed up all night, just looking at them. At our little family. Our little band of mutts. But that's what I wanted with you. It's always what I wanted with you.I even kept Pete and Harley, those trouble making twins. I know how much they meant to you. I don't know why you'd ever abandon them like you did. Why you'd abandon us like you did. God, I'm doing it again. I'm sorry, it's all still so hard..
It's cold. 10 degrees fahrenheit here, right now. It's winter, and the snow hasn't let up for the past few nights. I brought all our boys in, and they're in a little doggy pile at the foot of the fireplace. It works, you know. Complete with a chimney, and lumber you have to go cut yourself, in the nippy cold. It gives me something to do, I think you'd have been proud of me. Knowing I'm taking care of myself. How I'm doing without you. It's lonely, this far out. It really is. But I keep myself busy. The wolves haven't bothered us, despite how far out we are. We're at the mouth of the forest too, I guess it's just really good luck.
The man that sold us the lot, man, you would have loved him. He was rocking that old, foot long beard, and his blue grey eyes told this story you wouldn't even dream of. He had this drifting sort of vibe, the vibe I'd sense in you every time we spoke. That vibe was how I knew I couldn't pin you down anywhere, even if I tried. It had a certain beauty to it, I'll admit that.
It wasn't much. The lot, I mean. Around $200,000 for the entire 100 acres. That's a goddamn steal. There's the forest, and there's also a river. It gets around 10 feet, in the deepest part, and there's rocks so you can cross it. I'm thinking about building a bridge over it. Wouldn't that be neat? Huh? Yeah. I knew you'd think it was neat. You gotta watch yourself here, you know? It's amazing, but you can't let it get you. Admiring things is how it gets you. The wilderness could learn a thing or two from you, ha.. Because I was a fool for you. God I was such a fool.
I still love you.
I wish I didn't,
Signed, Caucasian.
Entry 2
1 / 2 / 1997.
I met a girl. In town. Her name is Naga. I went for a few drinks, since it was New Year's. She was born here, I know this because her face isn't flushed red always from the cold, like mine is. She looks a lot like the natives, too, eskimo-esque features, I should add, it's kind of obvious. She's got her own sled team, and they're no amateurs, she tells me. "Scout's honor." Hand placed over heart. I laughed. She's pretty cute. In a rough, sled running kind of way, and I think she knows this. She's no city girl, like you were.
You were a dyed blonde, with trashy undertones and slant like a board. But no, no, she's got this thick, straight, ebony hair she tucks into her fur lined parka, and let me tell you, it's so long it almost reaches her hips. Her body has these curves. They're not jutting out either, they're a smooth transition, I could see even under all her heavy gear. Her eyes aren't a regular brown either, they're deep and alert. Thinking back on it now, your blue ones were always questioning, but in a shallow, deceptive way. Looking for ways to keep your true self out of harm's way, out of view.
She called me Caucasian. I couldn't help but smirk. She said her bet was on me staying, I had completely forgot about that little bet the town was running on me. I told her she's going to get a pretty good amount of money one day. I know she didn't want me to see it, but I could see the relief that flickered in her eyes when I told her that. I'm not sure if it had to do with the good call on the bet, or the fact I was staying in this town. Either way, it got my heart beating.
Her lot is ranging on about one hundred acres, she tells me, split between her and her brother. Says she inherited it from her mum and pop. She must've been the favorite, because she said her brother didn't get a lick of anything. She saved me from getting into a fight at the bar. With her brother. Fancy that, am I right? Guess I can understand why he didn't get anything in the will.
Signed, Caucasian
Glacier Neela
