Perceive
Legacy Name: Perceive

When I was small, every time I the carnival came into town, I was afraid to leave my house.
I'm not quite sure what it was about the carnival that rattled my ribcage. I know whereabouts I developed a distate for the carnival. Something about the rusting noises of the rides being set up, the colors, all the reds, oranges, and blues, the laughter, the smell of fried food, and the music. It was the music. It unsettled me.
I grew up in a valley, but spitting distance from the heart of the country. On a normal summer day, the peace of the earth lulled me on my walks in the dips and crannies of the hills. I didn't have a lot of friends, but it did not matter, because I was happy alone. But once a week, once a summer, the carnival came into town. I hushed inward and stayed inside, wearing my winter earmuffs indoors just to block out the sounds. If I squinted at the large, crooked window in the living room, the lights from the fair across the road would turn into fractals of gold and yellow, and that seemed to help a little.



I pushed my earmuff from my ear and tilted my head up to my mother, who was standing stiffly against the doorframe of my bedroom.
She swirled her wine in her glass around a few times and rolled her eyes. "I just want one night. Go out with your friends."
"I don't have anyone to go with."
She was speaking about the carnival. I preferred to stay inside, but Mother wanted nothing of my presence sometimes. Sometimes, she was sad when I went to school. Sometimes she'd drop me off at summer school and forget about me. It just depended on how she was feeling that day.
"I've called your friend, that short one. What's her name?"
I sighed. "Her name is Crystal, and she doesn't even like me."
"She's on her way," was what my mother replied and whisked away, the smell of rotten grapes trailing behind her.
Crystal lived next door to me. We never got on that well, but she was always very sweet when she saw me. Part of me thought she just didn't know how to talk to me. I used to eat woodchips at recess.
Crystal was at the door just as I was stuffing my foot into my shoe. She stood with her hands clasped at her waist, shifting her weight on either leg. She seemed excited, but I wasn't sure why. Not yet.
"I'm ready to go," I said. I waved to my mother. She didn't wave back.
The carnival was just across the road. Crystal walked next to me about an arm's length away.
"Do you have any favorite rides?" She asked excitedly.
"I don't fancy the carnival at all, really."
She didn't say anything else.



The carnival was loud and bright against the sticky summer night. Grown ups and other kids whirled around in my vision against the grating sirens of music cascading from all around me.
"What about that?"
I followed Crystal's finger point to the Haunted House. It was a rickety, wooden building with cobwebs and skeletons hanging from nooses from the windows. Deep, droning mantras of scary music poured from the open door, which was so dark that I couldn't see past the frame.
"That?" I mused. I supposed it was better than going on a roller coaster. The way the coasters creaked and groaned under the weight of the aluminum can trolley carts made me nervous.
I followed Crystal as she excitedly galloped towards the entrance, tugging me by my hand behind her.
I couldn't see anyone right away. It was so dark and smoky, all I could see was the dim flashed of my t-shirt in the reflections of all the mirrors. There were mirrors everywhere, lining the decaying walls of the House, reaching all the way up to the ceiling, I imagined, but I couldn't see the ceiling either.
"Crystal?" I called out. "Crystal, where did you go?"
I heard a giggle from somewhere. It was east, west, maybe north. Maybe south.
"This isn't funny, Crystal," I said sternly. "Come out now."
"Come and find me."
I could turn not a single corner without running into a wall. Or maybe the walls were running into me. The house was expanding, or I was shrinking. The giggles filled my ears, pressed into my brain, and nested in my mind. I ran to follow her giggles endlessly.


I never left the House.
I wandered for what seemed like a pitless, drawn out moment, but I was comforted by a blanket of darkness. All at once, it started to make sense.
Crystal's hand slid into mine, her fingers interlacing with my own.
"It's peaceful, isn't it?" She said gently. "The dark, I mean."
"Your eyes are black."
They were. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and Crystal's hazel eyes were dark. Dark, bottomless, soulless eyes.
"Yours are too."
"My eyes are black now too?"
"Yes. You're home now."
I walked hand in hand with her into the nothingness beyond.