Information
Awareness
Legacy Name: Awareness
The Storm Kerubi
Owner: Riu
Age: 4 years, 3 months, 1 week
Born: December 17th, 2019
Adopted: 3 years, 9 months, 1 day ago
Adopted: June 27th, 2020
Statistics
- Level: 10
- Strength: 19
- Defense: 13
- Speed: 10
- Health: 10
- HP: 10/10
- Intelligence: 33
- Books Read: 25
- Food Eaten: 2
- Job: Register Clerk
Anxiety is a constant storm
By Jae Nichelle video here text version in credits below.
I realize now that all my life I've been too concerned with living with anxiety instead of putting up a bigger fight. But one day, maybe one day soon I can change those thoughts and take control because I now have a son, a daughter and a husband to keep me strong.
credits:
Writing by Riu
Friends with benefits
My anxiety and I have what some would call a friends with benefits relationship.
We have no love for each other but she still just
f'---s with me sometimes you know?
She and I moved in together some years ago.
We have inside jokes.
Like when I say “I’m gonna go talk to that person over there”
my anxiety looks at me and is like “b----, please”
My anxiety is the reason I didn’t talk to you.
She’s possessive.
She doesn’t like me talking to other people.
She’s irrational.
Because of her
I’ll take the long way to my building to avoid someone I’ve already passed by twice
Because I don’t know if it's acceptable to say “hey–” a third time.
Because of her
I don’t correct servers who get my order wrong at restaurants I just eat it
because maybe sweet potato fries are what I wanted
But the broccoli you gave me is what I needed? Thank you.
Because of her
I’ll take the long the way to my building to avoid someone
who kind of looked like my ex boyfriend.
Because whenever I hand her the aux cord,
She makes sure to play back all the times
He told me no one else would ever want me
Because of her
I still think no one else will ever want me
I constantly wonder
What happens to a black girl who is too anxious
To ever feel like magic?
can she still be fly
with wings that tremble?
Can she forget the lifestyle of an ant?
The fear that no matter what she does she is in danger of being crushed
And my anxiety doesn’t like to be made into metaphors
But what I’m trying to say is
she is constantly reminding me of how easy I am to crush.
As I speak,
I am pushing against her weight on my shoulders
and that is why I shake sometimes.
I have to fight
To stand up straight
Stop rocking
She and I picked out this outfit together. Something that dries fast.
If I am sweating
It is because standing on this stage
Is like fighting a boxing match that you can’t even see
and I am determined to knock her out.
I have been fighting her for control of our house, for years.
fighting to not crack
Stop rocking.
Dont shake.
Breathe.
I think
the reason that my relationships don’t work out
is because no one knows they’re signing up for a threesome
I understand.
I know how hard it is to live with both of us.
When we don’t like feeling out of control.
we don’t handle conflict well
we don’t handle being yelled at well
everything you say to us will be repeated and deconstructed and analyzed in our head a million times after
and if I am silent for a while,
it is because I have to fight with her before I can fight with you.
I have tried to cut her off before.
I cannot.
We do not handle separation well.
Because of our parents,
I mean our ex
I mean our friends
Breathe.
So I guess
My anxiety and I just learned to live together.
She is the longest relationship I have ever had.
and as everyone else leaves
She is the only relationship that I can count on.
Pet Treasure
Theyre All Going To Laugh At You Sticker
NO Storm Cloud Sticker
Lightning Cloud Model
Crackling Tempest Marble
Thunderstorm Weather Sticker
Lightning Bolt
Grumpy Lightning Sticker
Tragic Muse
Be Kind Sticker
Rain Weather Sticker