Information

Ennui has a minion!

Existential Nihilism the Gleeyore

Ennui
Legacy Name: Ennui

The

Custom Nostalgic Feli
Owner:

Caitlin

Age: 15 years, 2 weeks, 2 days

Born: April 10th, 2009

Adopted: 15 years, 2 weeks, 2 days ago (Legacy)

Adopted: April 10th, 2009 (Legacy)

Statistics

Level: 4,407
Strength: 9,499
Defense: 7,438
Speed: 5,465
Health: 12,600
HP: 12,600/12,600
Intelligence: 5,844
Books Read: 2725
Food Eaten: 3375
Job: Director of SAI

❤︎

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She took a seat on the beach next to him, coffee hot in her hands. “Why the sudden need to meet?”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you,” he muttered, staring at the sunrise over the lake.

“Oh?” Wariness laced her voice and she couldn’t help the way her body tensed.

“I’ve never been able to really talk about it, but … look, promise you won’t tell anyone? Only a few people who were there know, but I need to talk about it. Get it off my chest.”

“You can tell me anything,” she smiled tiredly.

“Without judgment? If you’re going to judge me, I’m going to get up and walk away right now.”

“Yes,” she sighed and yawned, “without judgment.” Was it too early, she wondered, to have a serious discussion?

“It all started when I was in high school. My depression, I mean. Have you ever suffered from depression? I couldn’t function.”

“No, I –“

He cut her off. “It’s like watching a television program of your life. You see these things happen but they’re so disconnected from your reality. Do you know what I mean?”

“Well, I suppose, but –“

He interrupted her again, needing to finish his thoughts before they could slip away. “My depression spiraled out of control. I couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t even get out of bed. I would just lay there, unable to do anything, care about anything until …”

He paused, smoothed the edge of the blanket nervously, and looked away. “Until what?” she finally prompted.

He took a deep breath. “I started self-medicating. It was little, at first. A bottle of rum here, some gin there. Smoked here and there.” He paused and looked down. “It got worse, though. I added more. Any pill you can imagine? I had it. Anything I could get my hands on. For years.” He looked away, pained.

She shifted uncomfortably, aware that it was dawn and that she’d barely slept and wondering if he’d gotten any sleep at all. “Matt, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I don’t understand. Why are you telling me this? Why now? Why –”

The words tumbled out of his mouth, confused and desperate, just the way he’d been feeling for years. “It culminated in a suicide attempt. A reckless, horrible, irresponsible attempt. I got high and took a handful of pills. I drove my car straight at the largest tree I could find – wrapped my car around it, even. And I walked away without a scratch.” He laughed, irony heavy in his voice. “I did my best to kill myself and walked away without even a fucking scratch. Of course, I had to go through the whole court proceedings. Everyone thought I was just really irresponsible for mixing – well, you know. I never told them any differently. My parents … well, they tried to sweep it under the rug. Got the best lawyer money could buy and I walked away with a clean record.”

“What? Your parents don’t know the truth?” She tried to hide her shock. Not well, though, she thought.

His laugh was bitter. “No, I never could bring myself to tell them. And after that… Well, after that, I finally got clean. Sure, I still deal with depression and crushing existential gloom, but hey – I’m alive. And I’m taking it one day at a time. And maybe someday, I can have a normal relationship.”

She looked confused. “Normal relationship? What do you mean?”

“That’s why I’m telling you now. So you can run before you get too emotionally invested in me. I can’t commit to any sort of relationship unless the other person knows the truth. It’s too big to hide and most people would abandon me without a second thought once they found out. I’m okay with that, though. It doesn’t scare me anymore.” He paused. “I’m learning to be happy.”

For the first time since she’d met him, she finally understood. “Hey, look. I’m not going anywhere, okay? You’re stuck with me.”

He looked at her and smiled that slow, lazy smile that always melted her heart. “Let’s go for a walk.”