Conqueror has a minion!

Grey the Arid UFO


The Galactic Bovyne
Owner: Deja

Age: 9 years, 6 months, 3 weeks

Born: September 6th, 2010

Adopted: 9 years, 5 months, 3 days ago

Adopted: October 28th, 2010


  • Level: 1
  • Strength: 10
  • Defense: 10
  • Speed: 10
  • Health: 11
  • HP: 11/11
  • Intelligence: 0
  • Books Read: 0
  • Food Eaten: 0
  • Job: Unemployed

...any my profile is broken. Will be fixed sometime...

I used to be just another body in the herd. I did not vie for the best grazing spots. When the Old Farmer walked among us, I did my best to meet his demands and avoid the fall of the stinging reed on my flanks. I was good. I was obedient. I was a witless fool.

Mother told the usual stories about what happens to young calves that draw the wrath of humans, to keep me docile. I spent one blissful year of life believing these were just stories.

I cried pitifully when Old Farmer took her away. Farmer's Wife spoke in a soothing tone, stroking my cheek through the fence. She bowed her head and moved away at Old Farmer's gruff command.

The three calves born around the same time as me were a welcome distraction. We started to range, finding patches of tasty treats that the other cows had overlooked.

Spot was the oldest and boldest. We didn't really want to follow him when Farmer's Wife failed to close the gate properly but the hint that we might get a few minutes with our mothers before Old Farmer caught on was too tempting to ignore.

Midnight's ears pricked up at the sound of lowing. Daisy had taught him to recognize her voice above all others at the moment of his birth. He picked up his pace, forcing the rest of us into a trot.

The shed looked something like the winter barn but as we got closer, a powerful stink nearly spooked us away. It was like the rabbit a barn cat had killed and eaten near our fence, only much more powerful. Daisy rolled her eyes at the sight of us, warning us away. Poor Midnight was frozen in place as the knife fell.

Spot flicked his tail over Midnight's mouth but it did no good. The grieving cry of our friend gave us all away. The farmer's face turned red and he sent Dog to herd us through the pasture gate.

He came for my friends one at a time and I could do nothing. Rage simmered beneath my calm facade when he took a club to Spot to move him along faster.


Strangers were rare on the country lane. When they passed through at all, they made it a point not to linger. Perhaps that's why the Man in the Black Suit bothered me. I had never seen a human so content to stand and stare at cows. When Dog offered a wary warning bark, the Man stared at him too until he tucked his tail and ran back to the house. I'd never seen Dog run from anything. The Man wasn't impressive. He was pale and bald, his suit and shined shoes marking him as an outsider. He didn't even bother to answer Old Farmer's wary question asking his business. He just turned and walked back to his shiny black car, got in, and drove away.


Old Farmer took away the only other cow in the pasture the next morning. That night, I saw the light in the sky.

It wasn't a star or one of those noisy planes that sometimes break the silence of the night. It grew until the light was all around me.

I found myself standing in the midst of a people that had no hooves or horns but could hardly be called human. They spoke in my mind. They were Grey and with one flask they gave me the gifts of knowledge, language, and strength. My appearance, too, was changed. The black and white coat I'd had from Mother turned a rich blue. Grey fitted me with a helmet that would allow me to breathe in comfort no matter where their ship traveled. Their people had anatomy that allowed them much greater ease of space travel than my bulky frame would allow.

I came to understand some of the histories of Grey's people. They did not have bulls and cows as my people do. They had no need of calves as they were one and many and all they learned was known by them all. They were protectors of life and beauty no matter what form it may take in the galaxy. They have observed the conditions of Earth for many years, worried that one of the very few planets capable of sustaining life across its full surface may come to irreparable harm at the careless hands of one species.


I longed to use my new knowledge to get revenge on Old Farmer. Grey pitied my plight but soon grew bored of hearing it. Their concerns were of a cosmic scale and they saw no value in personal vendettas. They were happy to provide a small spacecraft that I could easily operate.

Old Farmer was my first target. The look on his face in the moment before he disintegrated was identical to the one Daisy had worn. I had never felt such satisfaction.

The problem is, the disintegration rays used by Grey's people are only for blasting aside small obstacles in space. I needed something that would allow me to conquer whole cities for the good of animal-kind. I spent the next year using all the knowledge I had gained to explore the outer reaches of the Milky Way, developing weapons that were superior to anything humans had dreamed up. I vowed to return to my home planet, to free oppressed animals from their cruel taskmasters.

I descended on New York, confident that my new and improved lasers would turn all but Central Park to ash. The warm-up sequence was nearly complete when my systems shut down, sending me careening along the surface of the Reservoir.

The Man in the Black Suit was there, bald head shining under a street lamp. He wore a device around his neck, a metal box that allowed him to communicate with me.

"I know your aim, bovine. You will not succeed."

My controls would not respond when I tried to swivel my ray in his direction. He waved a little black square, letting me get a good look.

"My organization worked for years on this and there is not a corner of this world that we do not have eyes on. You're an odd choice of agent, but far from the worst we've seen. I've left you enough power to clear our atmosphere but your weapons are useless. Leave us in peace and we need never meet again."

I was no longer a meek slave to humans! I would be clever. His lies about seeing every corner of the globe would not intimidate me!

He was there in London, Paris, and Barcelona. He even braved the jungles of Brazil when I attempted to set up a secret base there. Neither the heat of the Sahara nor the cold of the Arctic could weaken his resolve to thwart me.

I will never stop trying, not until every human that has dined on steak or worn the skin of a calf has felt the fury of my vengeance.

Story by Pureflower

Pet Treasure

Shining UFO

Probed Moonrock

Starlight Telescope


Translucent Visitor Sticker

Demonic Doomsday Device

Tesla Blaster

Bot-Blaster V013

Galactobeam 100

Thatcher Mordells Raygun

Lightning Pistol

Water Orb


Bottled Harvest Moon

Banshee Sleepless Night


Happy Subeta

Two Panel Satellite

Exploration Rover

One Small Step

Yellowed Photograph

Atebus Space Suit

Space Oddity Sticker

Mesaa Planet Plushie

Lapidarian Planet Plushie

Dibbala Planet Plushie

Azure Planet Plushie

Knotta Planet Plushie

Pet Friends