Sieglinde_100 has a minion!

the 13th Cat

This isn't what I wanted...

I never wanted to feel this way. I never wanted to hate you. I never wanted to hate anyone. But least of all you...

You know what they say: nothing turns to hate as quickly as what was once love. Sometimes the line between the two is so blurred, it's like walking on the edge of a knife. A knife that's buried deep in your stomach, twisting and turning, ripping everything in its path until it works its bloody way up into your chest, into your heart. Until you're choking on it.

That's what love is. Love is not patient or kind. Love is cruel, and love will rip you up and tear you down until there's nothing left but a lacerated mass of emotions that used to be you. You will look at your reflection and wonder who is staring back at you. Are those really your eyes? How can they look so...empty? They are dull and dark, scattered with flames that no longer burn with any passion or desire, but rather smolder like the ruins of a decimated city.

I see those eyes. They flicker briefly against the glistening steel of my sai as I toss it casually into the cool night air, again and again. Up... down. Up... down. Following the rhythm of his steps as he approaches. His boots echo softly against the cobblestone. Nearer and nearer he comes, and his step never falters. I can imagine how he must look. Beautiful. Elegant. Confident.

Arrogant.

Everything I remember.

I wish my heart would follow the same slow, easy beat of his footsteps. I wish it wasn't jack-hammering away, racing at a million miles per minute. Surely my body is not enough to keep its raw force contained. Surely, in a moment, it will burst right from my chest and save me the agony this terrible but inevitable reunion will certainly bring. I almost hope for it.

Then the sound of his footsteps abruptly stops, bringing the pounding of my heart to a screeching halt along with it. I have to remind it to start beating again.

Up... down. Up... down.

It takes all the effort I can muster to keep the sai going in that same light, effortless way, as if I feel nothing, when in fact I feel everything. Every emotion I thought I had buried long ago surges within me with renewed ferocity, like a tidal wave of pure, destructive power. Love, anger, hate, betrayal, more love. They all sear through me, but I give him nothing as I raise my head to look at him for the first time.

He is everything I remember and more. Everything that makes my heart ache.

"You have some kind of nerve." My voice doesn't quiver. Instead, it shimmers like an angry bell, but his confident facade never wavers. His face is made of cold stone, and his eyes are black as still pools in the moonlight. I can't move him. I never could.

"You had to know I would come eventually." His velvety voice whispers like fingers sliding slowly down my spine, and I shiver. "I made you wait too long, but finally I have come." He smiles then, but the look is not one I have seen him wear before. It's a small smile, slow and almost sad, filled with emotions I don't understand, not from him. "And here you are, waiting for me."

With a quick, fluid flex of my wrist I clench the sai from its graceful arch, bringing it to my side and crouching into my ready position.

"I'm not waiting for you, you selfish bastard." I spit the words. "I haven't been. I don't need you."

"Peace, Sieglinde. I haven't come back for you, not in the way you think." His words both calm and enrage me, but I force my quivering muscles to relax. There is silence between us, filled only with the sounds of the quietly whispering breeze and echoes of words left unspoken. He stands like a shadowy statue before me, and I wonder if he will ever speak again. Or will he simply fade into the blackness of night, leaving me without even the satisfaction of closure?

But before I can begin to hope or fear that he will disappear, he does speak again.

"I have a gift for you."

He reaches out to me, and in his hand is a single crimson rose, the most beautiful I have ever seen. I stretch out a wary arm to take it from him. I stare blankly at it for a moment, and to my surprise, I am not moved. I drop it to the ground with careless indifference, and stare up at him with emotionless eyes. I am met by that same sad, strange smile.

"That is only part of the gift. The other part... is not a true gift. I am simply returning to you what is yours."

My stoic composure falters for the briefest of moments. "I don't understand. There is nothing of mine that you have, nothing I desire from you. Nothing could be worth seeing you again."

"There is something." He spreads his arms wide in a gesture that leaves him defenseless. "I am giving you my life. It is yours to take, or yours to return to me. But either way, for this moment, it is yours." His black eyes flicker to the sai I hold in my trembling hand. My breath catches like a knife in my chest. I can feel my pulse pounding like wild thunder through my veins. No...

His face is a flawless mask of perfect serenity. I feel him waiting for me, watching me. His eyes bore holes through me. My heart pounds against my chest like a caged lion, fighting to escape.

He stares at me. I stare back.

Tha-thump.

So much anger... I grit my teeth.

Tha-thump.

So much hate... My grip on the sai tightens.

Tha-thump.

So much...

Tha-thump...

"Make your decision, my love..."

Playlist
You Fight Me by Breaking Benjamin
Shackled by Vertical Horizon

Art
[x]
by CyndyxAsari

Credits
Profile art by User not found: seven
Overlay by Taser
Profile by Integrity
Description proofed/edited by twocents