Self-Love
Legacy Name: Self-Love

eliminate self hate______

This site is under construction!
"I can't do anything right."

"I'm such a loser."

"If only I could learn to love myself..."

You, with the face! Yes, you! How are you feeling today? I hope you know that you are a loveable, worthwhile, beautiful person. If that's hard to believe, please stick around and visit with me for a while. Because what I said is true - I may not know you well yet, but I can just tell that you're amazing! Would it be alright if I tell you why?

Because you've survived countless struggles and still keep going. Because your smile lights up the hearts of those who love you. Because there's nobody like you, and your presence in this world is needed! Because you are so loved, darling. Can you see that?

If not, that's okay, but I'd like to share some tips and tools to help you see the vibrant soul that you are, and treat that soul right!

why a self-love pet?______

Depression and low self-esteem are common maladies, unfortunately. So many of us cut ourselves down. Sometimes we are in so much pain, that we feel hopeless. Maybe we weren't treated right as a child, maybe we've been bullied, maybe we don't know why we feel this way. Many of us recognize that we're being downright cruel to ourselves but feel helpless to change it. Maybe we've tried, but we just can't turn off the negative talk. I've walked down that dark road on many nights.

My guardian, birdsong, has also struggled with depression for her whole life. She's been learning new tools that have been helping, and we both thought it would be lovely to share some of them with Subetans who also deserve love but don't know how to give it to themselves. We're nowhere near finished on our journey - our self-esteem is nowhere near where it could be, where we deserve it to be - but we're hoping that working on this site will help us cement the ideas in our head!

credits______

Hippie - thank you for entrusting me with the care of Self-Love. We had the same vision for her, isn't that groovy?
MoondustDreams - Lovely custom overlay art
Chen - Super-customizable pet profile
birdsong - CSS edits, text, graphics not otherwise credited

my journey______

Our stories are so important. We all come from such varied backgrounds. Everything we do, see, or say reflects upon our own experiences. They may not always be pretty, but our stories have value. How lovely is it that we have the words to share our own stories? It’s a rare chance to glimpse into the life of another. I’ve done a lot of “preaching” on this humble page of mine. I’m sharing my story to make it clear – I’m preaching to myself, mostly. I’ve got a long way to go on my journey to self-love. I wish I could leave this out and deflect any questions about my puphood with a dismissive paw – “Oh, there’s not much to say. I had a pretty average youth.” I wish my youth was average.

It’s not to say my mom didn’t love me. I think she did, as much as she could. But an unexamined life is a cycle unbroken, and my mom didn’t have time to examine their lives. She was too bogged down in the pain of her own life, so naturally, she passed that pain along to me.

I was an only child – quite uncommon for my species. I wasn’t planned, but I wasn’t unwanted either. By the time I was born, mom was on her own. We did alright in the beginning, I suppose. I was born into survivalism. Darting around with mom, trying to find a place to rest or a bite to eat – that was my world, my life. I didn’t know anything else, I didn’t know that there was anything better. So I was okay. I had my mom. She was my world.

Things started to change when mom met her boyfriend. To this day, I don’t know what she saw in him. He was mean. He spit venom at her, he gnashed his teeth at me. Mom was always independent and fierce, but I started to notice a change in her. She grew docile and meek at first, taking the poison he handed her. Then she became jaded and angry. She didn’t mean to, but she fed his poison to me.

They got into a lot of shady business, and my life grew dark. Now that I look back, I think they hated each other, honestly. They were mad at each other, mad at themselves for being stuck in a loveless relationship and a seemingly hopeless life, and I was an easy scapegoat, because I couldn’t fight back or leave. They paid no mind to me unless it was to relieve their own pent-up negativity through beatings and beratement. I started to believe the message that was constantly relayed to me – “you’re worthless.”

Somehow, I survived. By the time I got away from the insanity that surrounded my upbringing, I was scarred. I spoke with a small voice. I was afraid to make eye contact with others. My fur was a mess, I had no pride in my appearance because I had no pride in myself. I honestly believed I wasn’t even worth a life, let alone the time of day.

My head was a mess and I didn’t treat myself right. I ran with people who didn’t care about me, I myself got into some shady business. I was dangerously close to repeating the cycle that got me into this mess in the first place. But, through chance encounters with kind individuals, a new message started popping up in the hazy swirl of my own self-criticism. It said, “you deserve better.”

Slowly, over time, I have started to listen to that voice. It tells me, “you have so much to offer. You got a crappy hand dealt to you, but you turned out okay. You’ve got a lot of miles left in your paws, so don’t give up.”

I’ve spent so much of my life believing that my life had no meaning, no value. I’m beginning to see that as a lie. I’m healing myself through positive affirmations, even when they’re hard to say, and by pursuing my interests, such as web design. I have a long way to go, but I know I’m on the right track.

self-care______

Self-care can be tricky for all of us, not just those with self-love troubles. Maybe we focus all our energy on caring for the people around us, maybe we over-work ourselves, maybe we just don't give a damn... or perhaps, you'd like to practice good self-care but you don't know where to start. What does self-care even involve? We know the basics: eating right, sleeping enough, drinking water, taking showers and wearing clean socks. But what about finding hobbies, laughing, and playing in the ocean? Self-care in a balance between taking care of our bodies, our minds, and our souls. This is something I am still struggling to implement, so I'm going to lay out the basics of what I've learned.

As with everything on this site, there will be suggestions you already have down, some you'd like to start doing for yourself, and others that just aren't right for you. And there will be many more that I haven't included! When doing an activity, ask yourself - "Does this make me feel good? Is it good for me?" When you find a new activity that makes you feel good, as long as it isn't harmful, take note and try to incorporate it into your life!

As I mentioned, self-care is a balance. There are different areas which we need to take care of: for starters, let's focus on three: emotional/spiritual, mental, and physical. In order to be healthy, we need to do a little of each. Just like you can't expect a child to do well if you only feed them and forget to offer emotional support, you can't thrive if you neglect one or more parts of yourself.

Let's dive in to what constitutes each section.

emotional/spiritual

This area focuses on non-material experiences. Spirituality doesn't always mean religion, for some, spirituality means forging connections with others, meditating, reflecting on their journey, or spending time in nature. This is the most common form of self-neglect, because we often focus on material gains or how we look on the outside. This area of self-care is all about the inner experience.

Suggestions for practice:

-Volunteer your time to help others
-Keep a journal
-Wake up early and set intentions for the day
-Wear your favorite scent
-Start a gratitude list
-Sunbathe
-Dance
-Sing
-Create art, even if you think you "can't"
-Forgive yourself
-Validate your own emotional experience
-Pursue hobbies and interests
-Make a vision board
-Foster friendships
-Do NOTHING for a while and just relax

affirmations______

Do you ever get annoyed because you're trying to love yourself more, but you keep getting bogged down with negative self-talk? Self-love isn't some magical goal, it's a habit that you can learn.

Imagine that we're on a hike. There's a trail to our left. It's well-traveled but not super appealing. But to the right, there's better views. You can tell some people have made the journey, but there really isn't a path yet. Let's start clearing it, by walking over. As we hike along in this new direction, others notice and start to follow suit. The brush starts to clear, the weeds are trampled down, and pretty we have a new path leading to a lovely place. Nature begins to reclaim the less-lovely old path.

That, my friends, is a metaphor for a nueral connections and nueroplasticity. The well-trudged, spooky path is the pathway we've created from thinking so many mean thoughts about ourselves, and we need to clear a new path to where we want to be. We've been thinking self-demeaning thoughts for so long, that it takes no effort for our minds to think of more! Although challenging at first, if we continue to conciously choose positive self-talk, our brain finds it easier and easier to default to it, and less likely to resort to the others.

That's all very well and good, but how do we do it? One method is to use affirmations. Affirmations are a way to retrain our subconcious to think positive thoughts about ourselves. It takes a lot of practice, but it works!

but how?______

Whenever you catch yourself thinking a self-demeaning thought, STOP THAT TRAIN! Don't follow it. Reframe the thought. Oftentimes our negative thoughts are related to our core beliefs about ourselves, usually messages we learned in childhood. For example, "I'll never amount to anything" comes from a core belief that we are worthless. The way to retrain these beliefs is by stating the opposite - "I am worthy, I am worthwhile." It takes some getting used to, it definetely doesn't feel true at first. But keep with it! You'll eventually believe it, and then you'll be able to see that it's a true statement!

Affirmations are also helpful to do in the mornings, right when you wake up, and before bed. This is when we're in a trance state, and it's easier to get messages deep into our subconcious.

Another fun idea is to decorate using stickers! Pick a sticker (I personally like sparkly dots) and place one on your rear-view mirror, your phone, anywhere you look often. Whenever you notice it, tell yourself an affirmation!

Also, pick an affirmation that resonates with you. For example, if "I'm a beautiful person" is hard at first, it might work to try "I am learning to love myself" or "I deserve to love myself" until you can work up to the harder truths!

sample affirmations______

"Every day, in every way,
I'm getting better and better."
"I am loveable."
"I can acheive my dreams."
"I deserve kindness and respect."
"I am enough."
"I am fine the way I am."
"I am working towards my own healing."
"I am learning to love myself."