Arden has a minion!

Minion the Male Zombie Minion


The Graveyard Tigrean
Owner: beer

Age: 2 years, 9 months, 1 week

Born: June 19th, 2017

Adopted: 2 years, 9 months, 1 week ago

Adopted: June 19th, 2017


  • Level: 4
  • Strength: 12
  • Defense: 12
  • Speed: 7
  • Health: 6
  • HP: 10/6
  • Intelligence: 0
  • Books Read: 0
  • Food Eaten: 0
  • Job: Stock Worker

arden received a text on her burner phone, the last thing that went through before the world went dark and it read "i'm in new york. - xx" Arden knew it was from the person she wanted most in the world to kill.

she tracked down a weaselly character known as 'sticky' to help her find her nemesis, but travelling in the apocalypse was a slow and tedious process, and finding someone who doesn't want you to find them is made even harder when people are scavenging everything they can and leaving a great mess in their wake.

arden and sticky were checking out one of her nemesis' favorite crash pads, this one was particularly promising, since it looked like someone had been living in it recently.

arden was in the 'bedroom,' if you could call it that, there was a sleeping bag in the corner surrounded by a few empty cans of food and what looked like to be dirty and blood-caked clothes. there was a sudden commotion from the main living area of the apartment and Arden rushed out to see what it was. a solitary zombie was rushing at sticky, and sticky was chucking anything and everything that he could at the monster.

"ugh, sticks, what did i tell you about making noise? you're going to attract a horde of em, this apartment's walls are thinner than you are thick." arden rushed forward and sliced the head off the zombie with her machete. as she was sticker her blade into the head on the floor, she said, "what would ya' do without me, sticks?"

a disgruntled sticky glared and said, "i'd be holed up in my solid apartment 20 floors above the stairs, with food and none of these fucks. zombies can't climb stairs you know." arden laughed and replied, "of course they can, we're on the third floor now, how do you think this got up here?" she gestured to the head that was now sticking off the top of her machete.

sticky shrugged and made his way to close the door to the apartment when suddenly another zombie shot from around the door frame and sunk its teeth into sticky's shoulder before anyone had time to react. "shoot sticks." Arden ran across the room and killed the zombie. "damn."

sticky was shaking in pain and blood was spurting out the side of his neck like a goddamn movie. sticky was barely able to stammer out a "h-help me," before arden's blade was smashed into his brain. it was the most humane thing she felt she could do. he was in pain and was going to die anyway... in silence she rummaged through the apartment, looking for food or signs of her nemesis. after finding nothing, she sat against a wall in numb shock. she had killed plenty of humans and zombies a like, but she never killed people she liked. sure, sticky was an annoying, slimy piece of shit, but she had grown to have a sort of fondness for his lewd comments, constant chattering, and endearing stupidity. plus, he was the walking encyclopedia on how to get in contact with most killers for hire in the city. they had been through so much in the past weeks, he was almost like a friend.

oh well, life moves on. arden left his body by the door and she left the building. she figured now was as good a time as any to make a food run, she was low on provisions. but at least now she didn't have anyone to slow her down.

she didn't have anyone at all.

profile by beer
cheebs art by Spirited
large art by CalicoMohawk

Pet Treasure

Brain Gelatin Mold

Foot Rash Zombie Beanbag

The Z Word

Virus Zombie Plushie

Virus Zombie Beanbag

Organ Diary

Collectible Ecks Plushie

Face-Eater Manifesto


Ziaran Throwing Knife

Anatomically Correct Heart Plushie

Dealing with Windigosis

RoQ Candy Xtra Bandage Tin

I Brain You Sticker

Love Bug Zombie Plushie

Freckle Fever Zombie Plushie

Love Bug Zombie Beanbag

Decrepit Keening Songbook

Zombie T-shirt

Not So Lucky T-shirt

I Survived the Cure T-shirt


Boobitis Zombie Beanbag

Boobitis Zombie Plushie

Butterfly Bruise Zombie Beanbag

Butterfly Bruise Zombie Plushie

Eyesore Zombie Beanbag

Eyesore Zombie Plushie

Foot Rash Zombie Plushie

Freckle Fever Zombie Beanbag

I Heart You Sticker

Rule 1: Cardio Sticker

Rule 2: Double Tap Sticker

Waterlogged Teddy Plushie

Zombie Wrestling Almanac

Fat Zombear

Rotten Thumb Present

Stomach Present

Meaty Bone Present

Zombie High Five Book

Fresh Brain Present

Severed Tongue Present

Black Survival Scrap Cloth

Aged Brain Present

Rotten Foot Present

Diseased Fabric Scrap

Black Hair Of The Undead

You Break It You Bought It

Loving Hug Zombie Beanbag

Dead Reckoning Sticker

Virus Pin-Up Calendar

The Dead Will Walk the Earth Sticker

Love Sucks Zombie Plushie

Green Zombie Sticker

So You Want A New Arm?

Female Zombie Minion

Worried Zombie Candle

Oblivious Zombie Candle

Zombie Pub Crawl Guide

Angry Hug Zombie Beanbag

Angry Zombie Candle

Brainless Hug Zombie Beanbag

Famous Unliving

Zombie Club


Moldy Cranberry Sauce

Zombie Braaains Sticker

Sewn Together

Brain Matter

Infected Blob Kitty

Brain Muffin


Brain Pillow

Plagued Rat Swarm

Love Zombie Doll

Zombie Journal

Gnawed Thigh Bone

How to Cook Brains

Squishy Brain Plushie

The Juicer

Ominous Tombstone

Corpse Burning 101


You Blow My Mind Sticker

The Juicer Pro

Virus Zombie Doll

Brains Shirt


The Juicer Mini

Zombie Fencing

Rash Zombie Doll

Infected Subeta


Spurned Zombie Love

Cooking with Zombie Drool

Infected Muscle Tissue


Grotesquely Long Tongue

Zombie Heart Nomming Sticker


Mutated Heart

Grave Robbing Kit


The Art of Lung Shui

I Love Your Blood Type

Ivory Fingers

Drops of Drool

Fast Food for Zombies

Moldy Disposable Fork

Sharp Finger Claw

Zombie Bite Patterns

Cooking with Chef Zombie

Zombie Chew Toy

101 Uses for Zombie Drool

Zombies 101

Gangrene Sackcloth (Right Arm)

Makeup Tips for the Undead

Zombie Growth Tracking

Gangrene Sackcloth (Left Arm)

My Best Friend Ate My Arm

Gangrene Sackcloth Bodice

Stained and Torn Family Album

Zombie Can Opener

Dead Beats: From the Grave

Sewing for Zombies

Moldy Disposable Plate

Pet Friends