America has a minion!

the American Bald Eagle


The Custom Galactic Clawsion
Owner: kenny

Age: 9 years, 9 months, 4 days

Born: January 19th, 2011

Adopted: 7 years, 8 months, 3 weeks ago

Adopted: January 27th, 2013


  • Level: 7
  • Strength: 13
  • Defense: 14
  • Speed: 23
  • Health: 10
  • HP: 10/10
  • Intelligence: 278
  • Books Read: 273
  • Food Eaten: 3305
  • Job: Unemployed

You're nervous, to say the least. It's your first time being granted insider access to the White House: deep insider access, past the House and Senate, past the Vice President, even beyond the President himself. Your press pass has been scrutinized half a dozen times by men in crisply-pressed suits and dark sunglasses; they make hand gestures to one another and mutter unintelligibly into their discrete bluetooth earpieces, only serving to unnerve you more. What have you gotten yourself into? Everything seems so austere and well-manicured; well, you think to yourself as you and your escort step up to your seventh barricade and the most terrifying looking Secret Service man yet, you are meeting the most important person in the country.

He takes longer than the others to inspect your press pass, longer than the rest to inspect your bag for weapons, unauthorized substances, bugs and wires of any kind. He asks the same questions as the six before him, and you answer a bit too quickly, knowing you look every bit as nervous as you feel.

"Are you a legal citizen of the United States?" Yes.

"Have you ever been convicted of a felony charge of any kind?" No.

"Have you traveled outside of the country in the last two years?" No.

"Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party?" No.

"Would you like to Supersize that?"


You don't know what to say; your mouth wordlessly opens and closes. Your escort answers for you, cool and collected behind his sunglasses: "Yes. Could you add two malted milkshakes to that order?" The Secret Service man nods and and pushes a button on the wall, one that sends a loud, blaring alarm throughout the entire room, before standing aside and granting you access to the previously-locked door behind him. You let out the breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding and square your shoulders before your escort opens the door and you step inside.

"Dudes, it's about time you got here!"

to be continued...


profile template (c) helix, edited by kenny.
overlay by kenny.
art by Clockery.
background from wallpaperbetter.
custom cursors from oficinadehtml.

Pet Treasure

American Flag Sticker

Huge American Flag Print Beach Towel

Liberating Lady Gathered Material

Liberating Lady Red Piece Banner

Liberating Lady Blue Piece Banner

Arid UFO

Sougara Shiver Frameless Glasses

Food Love Sticker

Bag Of Burgers

Picnic Plate


Beastly BFF Burger

Burgersaurus Rex

Big Sloppy Burger

Mac-N-Cheese Bun Burger

Sunrise Sarsaparilla

Blast Cola

Cola Zoom Soda

Deep Fried Soda

Soda Jerk Egg Cream

Seagull Bait

Subeta Fries

Waffle Fries

Curly Fries

Shoestring Fries

Steak Fries

Crinkle Cut Fries

Fireside Butternut Squash Fries

Sweet Potato Fries

Real Sweet Potato Fries

Potato Wedges

Potato Tots

Waffled Hashbrowns

Potato Tornado

Chili Cheese Fries

Dino Nest Fries

Signature Smothered Fries

Potato Skins

Blooming Onion

Onion Rings

Fried Cheese

Hot Mozzarella Cheese Balls

Fresh Fried Clams

Hush Puppies

Fried Mac-N-Cheese Balls

Cheese Steak Egg Rolls

Fried Mushrooms

Fried Pickles

Fried Green Tomatoes

Deep Fried Avocado

Fried Banana Chips

Stuffed Cherry Tomatoes

Deep Fried Ice Cream

Deep Fried Snack Cake

Deep Fried Cheesecake

Deep Fried Butter

Chicken Tenders

Hot Wings

Pterodactyl Wings

Hot Beef Sundae

Jalapeno Popper Wonton Cup

Buffalo Chicken Wonton Cup

Pulled Pork Wonton Cup

Plain Corn Dog

Ketchup Corn Dog

Mustard Corn Dog

Hand-Dipped Corn Dog

Mini Corn Dogs

Pigs in Blankets

Centropolis Style Hot Dog

Hot Dog

Hot Dog with Mustard

Hot Dog with Ketchup

Hot Dog with Relish

Relish Mustard and Ketchup Hot Dog

Chili Hot Dog

Chili Cheese Hot Dog

Pair of Hot Dogs

Mac-N-Cheese Hotdog

Tar Pit


Cheesy Nachos

Loaded Nachos

Chili Nachos

El Grande Taco

Veggie Tacos

Fish Tacos

Chicken Tacos

Carnitas Tacos

Barbacoa Tacos



Enchiladas Verdes

Riverside Burrito



Cheesy Burrito

Spicy Burrito

Cheese Quesadillas

Veggie Quesadillas

Chorizo Quesadillas

Chicken Fajitas

Steak Fajitas



Fried Calamari Rings

Fried Popcorn Shrimp

Fried Clam Strips

Fried Fish and Chips Basket

Ultimate Sandwich

Grilled Mac-N-Cheese Sourdough Sandwich

Mac-N-Cheese Soup Sipper

Chicken Sub

Turkey Sub

Ham and Swiss Sub

Beef Sub

Meatball Sub

Lobster Roll

Pizza Cake

Cheese Pizza

Pepperoni Pizza

Sausage Pizza

Hawaiian Pizza

BBQ Chicken Pizza

Turkey Leg

Chicken Drumstick

Cheese Frozen Pizza

Anchovy Frozen Pizza

Olive Frozen Pizza

Pepperoni Frozen Pizza

Whole Cheese Pizza

Bacon Vetan Soft Pretzel

Salted Vetan Soft Pretzel

Chocolate Dipped Bacon

Crunchy Cheese Pretzel

Plain Pretzel

Salted Pretzel

Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel

Cheese Coated Pretzel

Whipped Cream Coated Pretzel with a Cherry on Top

Jacket Potato

Jacket Potato with Cheese

Loaded Jacket Potato

BBQ Beef Jacket Potato

Chili Jacket Potato

Seafood Potato

Baked Sweet Potato

Plain Baked Potato

Sour Cream and Chives Baked Potato

Coal-Baked Potato

Mashed Potatoes

Mashed Potato with Gravy

Burnt Ends Mash

Tiny Bacon Potato Skin

Pulled Pork Mac-N-Cheese

Classic Mac-N-Cheese

Mozzarella Mac-N-Cheese

Grater Good Sampler

Beef Chili

The Meatball Cone

Mass Extinction

Apple Bourbon Pork Chops

Fresh Meat

Dino Ribs

Bacon-Wrapped Turkey

Holiday BBQ Turkey

Caramel Pecan Pumpkin Sticky Bun

Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls

Fireside Butternut Bread

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

Iced Pumpkin Bread

Plain Pumpkin Bread

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread

Cinnamon Swirl Pumpkin Bread

Chocolate Pumpkin Bread

Plain Cinnamon Roll

Sugar Cinnamon Roll

Vanilla Glazed Cinnamon Roll

Lemon Glazed Cinnamon Roll

Apple Glazed Cinnamon Roll

Cherry Glazed Cinnamon Roll

Maple Glazed Cinnamon Roll

Bacon Cinnamon Roll

Mini Cinnamon Rolls

Delectable Bear Claw

Honey Bun

Cappuccino Marshmallow

BBQ Marshmallows

Sticky Sweet Rice Treats


Cherry Turnover

Sweet Potato Turnover

Peach Turnover

Pear Turnover

Apple Turnover

Caramel Apple Waffle

Cinnamon Roll Pancakes

Cinnamon Pumpkin Pancakes

Eggnog Pancakes

Rum Pancakes

Scrambled Eggs

Fried Eggs

Eggs Over Easy

Chocolate Chip Waffle

Blueberry Topped Waffle

Strawberry Topped Waffle

Whipped Cream Waffle

Belgian Delight Waffle

Deluxe Croissant Sandwich

Egg Muffin Sandwich

Whipped Cream Eclair

Frosted Eclair

Chocolate Eclair

Raspberry Eclair

Orange Eclair

Blueberry Eclair

Blackberry Eclair

Stylized Creme-Filled Doughnut

Chocolate Doughnut with Sprinkles

Maple Doughnut with Sprinkles

Lemon Doughnut with Sprinkles

Apple Doughnut with Sprinkles

Blueberry Doughnut with Sprinkles

Grape Doughnut with Sprinkles

Seven Whole Doughnuts

Bucket of Doughnuts

Box of Plain Doughnuts

Box of Mixed Doughnuts

Sprinkles-and-Frosting Doughnut

Stylishly-Frosted Doughnut

Apple Cider Doughnut

Sugared Pumpkin Doughnuts

Faintly Sugared Doughnut

Sugar Dusted Jelly Doughnut

Nine Sugared Doughnut Holes

Nine Glazed Doughnut Holes

Nine Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Holes

Nine Glazed Chocolate Doughnut Holes

Chocolate Spooky Doughnut

Orange Spooky Doughnut

Vanilla Spooky Doughnut

Strawberry Spooky Doughnut

Grape Spooky Doughnut

Frosting Pizza

Deep-Fried Candy Bar

Candy Deluxe Dipped Apple

Caramel Deluxe Dipped Apple

Chocolate Chip Deluxe Dipped Apple

Nutty Deluxe Dipped Apple

Marshmallow Deluxe Dipped Apple

Candy Corn Caramel Apple

Licorice Caramel Apple

Chocolate Caramel Apple

Caramel Candy Apple

Chocolate Candy Apple

Caramel Toffee Apple

Chocolate and Almond Toffee Apple

Peanut Toffee Apple

White Chocolate Coated Toffee Apple

Bitten Caramel Apple

Funnel Cake

Apple Funnel Cake

Strawberry Funnel Cake

Whipped Cream Funnel Cake

Deluxe Funnel Cake

Red Velvet Funnel Cake

Cookie-Swirled Brownies

Seven Layer Cookie Bars


Choc Chip Brownies

Peanut Butter Swirl Brownies

Walnut Brownies

Special Brownies

Marbled Pumpkin Brownie

Sprinkled Pumpkin Brownie

Swirled Pumpkin Brownie

Blondie Pumpkin Brownie

Frosted Pumpkin Brownie

Crumbly Mocha Treat

Pumpkin Bread Pudding

Blueberry Delicate Pastry

Strawberry Delicate Pastry

Cranberry Delicate Pastry

Pumpkin Delicate Pastry

Custard Delicate Pastry

Rum Bloba

Lime Bar

Twists Again


Chocolate Churros

Strawberry Pie Pop

Cherry Pie Pop

Apple Pie Pop

Blueberry Pie Pop

Baked Apple Arctic

Apple Apple Pie

Lovely Lemon Pie Pop

Lovely Strawberry Pie Pop

Lovely Cherry Pie Pop

Lovely Grape Pie Pop

Lovely Chocolate Pie Pop

Cinnamon Apple Pie

Sour Cherry Pie

Bubbly Peach Pie

Bubbly Strawberry Pie

Bubbly Cherry Pie

Bubbly Berry Pie

Bubbly Blueberry Pie

Apple Pie Slice on a Stick

Blueberry Pie Slice on a Stick

Cherry Pie Slice on a Stick

Fireside Mini Blackberry Pie

Fireside Mini Cranberry Pie

Fireside Mini Lemon Pie

Honey Pie

Delicious Chocolate Pie

Strawberry Pie

Moon-Shaped Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Fresh Cinnamon Pumpkin Pie

Chocolate Web Pumpkin Pie

Ice Cream Covered Pumpkin Pie

Pumpkin Pie Bars

Mini Pecan Pumpkin Pies

Mini Chocolate Swirl Pumpkin Pies

Mini Cream Cheese Swirl Pumpkin Pies

Mini Classic Pumpkin Pies

Mini Ice Cream and Caramel Pumpkin Pies

Pumpkin Pie Cupcakes

Haunted Pumpkin Pie

Fireside Butternut Pie Slice

Slice of Pumpkin Pie

Slice of Pumpkin-Apple Pie

Slice of Chocolate-Drizzled Pumpkin Pie

Slice of Chocolate-Swirled Pumpkin Pie

Slice of Pecan-Pumpkin Pie

Delicate Pumpkin Coffee Cake

Caramel Cobweb Pumpkin Pie

Fireside Pecan Delight

Pecan Pie Tart

Strawberry Pie Tart

Apple Pie Tart

Raspberry Cream Pie Tart

Vanilla Whoopie Pie

Banana Whoopie Pie

Marble Whoopie Pie

Strawberry Whoopie Pie

Pumpkin Whoopie Pie

Red Velvet Whoopie Pie

Chocolate Whoopie Pie

Strawberry Frosted Dessert Roll

Cotton Candy Frosted Dessert Roll

Pistachio Frosted Dessert Roll

Pink Velvet Frosted Dessert Roll

Mystery Chocolate Frosted Dessert Roll

Hard-Earned Dessert

Unfinished Dessert

Watermelon Rose Icing Cake

Pomegranate Rose Icing Cake

Grapefruit Rose Icing Cake

Mystery Rose Icing Cake

Blackberry Rose Icing Cake

Burger Cake

Topsy Turvy Snowflake Cake

Rose Octombre Cake

Sunset Octombre Cake

Peach Octombre Cake

Rainbow Octombre Cake

Lilac Octombre Cake

Marshmallow Spaceship Cake

Double Decker Red Velvet Cake

Birthday Present Cake

Blueberry Vanilla Cake Slice

Lovey Cake

Watermelon Cake

Decadent Lemon Poundcake

Decadent Carrot Poundcake

Decadent Strawberry Poundcake

Homemade Chocolate Cake

Triple Layer Cake

Tiered Marble Cake

Black and White Layer Cake

Apple Spice Cake

Overly Sweet Pastry


Buttercream Rose Vanilla Cake

Buttercream Rose Coffee Cake

Buttercream Rose Green Teacake

Buttercream Rose Lavender Cake

Tuxedo Cake Slice

Black Forest Cake

Cake Forever

Dark Chocolate Raspberry Roll Cake

Fig Rum Chocolate Roll Cake

Pistachio Strawberry Roll Cake

Vanilla Blueberry Roll Cake

Winter Star Cream Puff

Angel Food Cake

Strawberry Tart

Lovely Box of Cupcakes

Decadent Chocolate Cupcake

Red Rose Frosted Cupcake

Yellow Rose Frosted Cupcake

White Rose Frosted Cupcake

Pink Rose Frosted Cupcake

Purple Rose Frosted Cupcake

Bubble Gum Lucky 7 Cupcake

Butterscotch Lucky 7 Cupcake

Marshmallow Lucky 7 Cupcake

Lime Lucky 7 Cupcake

Raspberry Lucky 7 Cupcake

Blueberry Lucky 7 Cupcake

Grape Lucky 7 Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Strawberry Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Lemon Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Coconut Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Lime Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Grape Cupcake

Fifth Anniversary Chocolate Cupcake

Snowy Wintery Cupcake

Strawberry Glam Cupcake

Pineapple Glam Cupcake

Lemon Glam Cupcake

Key Lime Glam Cupcake

Blue Raspberry Glam Cupcake

Plum Glam Cupcake

Rum Cupcake

Red Velvet Heart Confetti Cupcake

Lemon Heart Confetti Cupcake

White Heart Confetti Cupcake

Undead Heart Confetti Cupcake

Blueberry Heart Confetti Cupcake

Chocolate Heart Confetti Cupcake

Fireside Cupcake

Sweet Strawberry Vesnali Cupcake

Sweet Lemon Vesnali Cupcake

Sweet Vanilla Vesnali Cupcake

Sweet Blueberry Vesnali Cupcake

Sweet Grape Vesnali Cupcake

Cappuccino Cupcake

Caramel Mocha Cupcake

New Year Sparkling Strawberry Cupcake

New Year Sparkling Lemon Cupcake

New Year Sparkling Coconut Cupcake

New Year Sparkling Blueberry Cupcake

New Year Sparkling Grape Cupcake

Fourth Anniversary Eaten Vanilla Cupcake

Fourth Anniversary Eaten Chocolate Cupcake

Pomegranate Fireside Teacake

Pumpkin Fireside Teacake

Cinnamon Fireside Teacake

Coffee Fireside Teacake

Apple Cinnamon Cupcake

Pumpkin Spice Cupcake

Vanilla Chai Cupcake

Kitty Anniversary Cupcake

Fancy Anniversary Cupcake

Cloud Nine Anniversary Cupcake

Celebratory Mori Cupcake

Celebratory Nori Cupcake

Pumpkin Cobbler

Vesnali Egg Cake Pop Stand

Festive Morostide Cake Pops

Jack-o-Lantern Morostide Cake Pops

Mummy Morostide Cake Pops

Ghost Morostide Cake Pops

Spiderweb Morostide Cake Pops

Panzer Hydra Cake Pops

Minterific Cake Pops

Ice Cream

Wafflecone Mountain

Chocolate Ice Cream Cone

Vanilla Ice Cream Cone

Strawberry Ice Cream Cone

Pistachio Ice Cream Cone

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Cone

Mint Vanilla Ice Cream

Lemon Orange Ice Cream

Pineapple Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Strawberry Banana Ice Cream

Cherry Bubble Gum Ice Cream

Raspberry Grape Ice Cream

Chocolate Toffee Ice Cream

Vanilla Frozen Yogurt with Raspberries

Bubble Gum Frozen Yogurt

Strawberry Frozen Yogurt with Chocolate Chips

Watermelon Frozen Yogurt

Pistachio Frozen Yogurt

Mint Chocolate Chip Frozen Yogurt

Chocolate Frozen Yogurt with Caramel Drizzle

Ice Cream with Licorice Sauce

Ice Cream with Chocolate Sauce

Ice Cream with Strawberry Sauce

Ice Cream with Orange Sauce

Ice Cream with Pear Sauce

Ice Cream with Blueberry Sauce

Swirly Caramel and Chocolate Ice Cream Cone

Vanilla Latte Get Mugged Pint

Java Chip Get Mugged Pint

Caramel Macchiato Get Mugged Pint

Mocha Frap Get Mugged Pint

Coffee Cake Get Mugged Pint

Cappuccino Fudge Get Mugged Pint

Rift Special Ice Cream

Pint of Vanilla Ice Cream

Pint of Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Pint of Cotton Candy Ice Cream

Pint of Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream

Pint of Cookies and Cream Ice Cream

Pint of Triple Chocolate Ice Cream

Pint of Black Raspberry Ice Cream

Deluxe Pumpkin-Mint Ice Cream

Deluxe Strawberry-Pumpkin Ice Cream

Deluxe Vanilla-Pumpkin Ice Cream

Deluxe Pumpkin Ice Cream

Deluxe Banana Split

Blue Building Berry Ice Cream

Lovely Ice Cream

Vanilla Milkshake

Strawberry Milkshake

Chocolate Milkshake

Fruity Cherry Smoothie

Fruity Citrus Smoothie

Fruity Apple Smoothie

Fruity Berry Smoothie

Smores Milkshake

Explode Pop

Vanilla Cola Shaved Ice

Tigrean Blood Shaved Ice

Egg Custard Shaved Ice

Pina Colada Shaved Ice

Rainbow Shaved Ice

Cherry Snow Cone

Orange Snow Cone

Sour Apple Snow Cone

Bubble Gum Snow Cone

Grape Snow Cone

Rainbow Snow Cone

Plain Snow Cone

Strawberry Slushie

Lemon Slushie

Apple Slushie

Blueberry Slushie

Grape Slushie

Rainbow Slushie

Cotton Candy Slushie

Strawberry Freeze Pop

Orange Freeze Pop

Lemon Freeze Pop

Lime Freeze Pop

Blueberry Freeze Pop

Blackberry Freeze Pop

Raspberry Freeze Pop

Fabulous Ice Lolly

Apple Fries and Caramel Cream Dip

Pet Friends