Trazodone
Legacy Name: Trazodone

I travel the universe for eternity and alone. It's a sad existence, one void of love and friendship, but over the years I've learned to accept the sadness and look beyond the extreme isolation.

However I have what many people don't; time. I have time to think of the life I led, and I have discovered that it's not the life I wanted at all. I've thought of the careers that I could have pursued, and I realized they would not have added to my life. I thought about money, sex, work, education, and they became ever-distant memories.

The more I thought, the more absurd I thought myself to be.

I travel past galaxies every day and my life seems so unimportant. I look to a distant star, and it's course of life would mean more than mine ever would. I suppose maybe thinking too much brought me to these conclusions. when I was busier, and in love, and enjoying life, I hadn't stopped to think if it was what I wanted. Everyone else around me seemed to be content with that, why shouldn't I? It makes sense that in order to live life you must maintain a purpose for yourself. What was my purpose? Well, i thought I had one, but now...

I contemplate about the earth and as I float further away I begin to discover how humanity is such a constructed thing, like a giant dome of which to identify ourselves. This dome is our home and we never venture out of it. Even the most nihilistic people cannot break the barrier. We've created many names for many things, but all of it comes down to our human language and its ability to describe what we see. Or even, what we think we see. It is absurd that the human race believes to be close to knowing the secrets of the universe, when we haven't even left our solar system.

But humans are curious creatures and perhaps thats not a bad thing. Maybe, the only negative thing about this, is our conviction that what we know is fact. Just like religion was fact, the human studies of science have slowly come to replace that. But this doesn't mean religion was wrong and science is right.

If you strip down the language of science, the calculations and the latin nomenclature, you see bare naked philosophy. In my opinion, religion can be seen as philosophy too. What science does, though, is try to give answers to the unanswerable questions of philosophy. These answers are not answers, they are 99% certainties. So, I suppose I'm trying to say that what we know of religion and science are, similarly, constructs of the human brain, and not the answers of the universe. We could perhaps be right, but we could very well be wrong. There is no crime in searching for the answers, but we cannot say we are certain, ever. And that is unsettling, it feels wrong, because as humans thats all we do. We search for purpose and search for answers. And we cannot conceive of an answer, no matter how powerful we think we are.

And as I have these thoughts I realize I have no one to share them with. And I come back to the blackness of outer space, the completely nothingness over intergalactic travel. I'm succumbing to loneliness, and I don't know how much longer I can last. Everything I think and feel are voids that were once full of love and life. I don't feel that I've given credit where credit is due. Philosophers feel a depression so heavy as they search for a purpose in their life. My purpose could have just been to love and be loved. To give and be good, whatever that means. Maybe it's okay to be satisfied with life. Maybe it's okay to be human.