Pusur has a minion!

Minion the Chubsquee

Peanuts the Chubsquee

Humans are not the brightest creature on the planet; that honour goes to us cats. Find a clueless human, look cute, get them to adopt you and do your bidding—seriously, which is smarter? Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, I joined the Human Aide Society when I was barely four weeks old. Humans are hardly an endangered species, but they do still need to be rescued and they are gullible enough to pamper us, so it really is win-win. The problem is there’s no yard with kennels of penned in humans looking for homes. Instead, we have to use our ingenuity and make them find us. Finding the perfect human takes cunning, finesse and yes a certain level of hamming it up.

So in order to find this human to rescue, I sat myself beside a busy freeway. Unfortunately for me, this other annoying kitten, Dexter, decided my idea was too good to pass up and posted himself beside me. There was nothing I could do to get rid of the interloper at the moment, so I focused myself on the rescue. I took out my tablet and posted about these two kittens on the side of the road in grave danger and waited. After about 3 hours of soaking up the sun and reading on my tablet, my plan worked—a human approached. I kicked the tablet out of sight in just enough time.

I’d never seen a human up close and was surprised that it was all pink and hairless. The only hair that it seemed to have was a mane around its head—that for some reason the human had put up with a bit of string. Clearly, I was going to need to work with it, string is meant to be a toy. Dexter and I quickly dropped into our routines we’d worked out. He went the scared and angry route and swiped at the human as she grabbed him and placed him in a cardboard box. I had decided to be mellow and just sat there looking helpless as she picked me up and placed me in her box. Now I cannot tell you much of the journey from the highway to her home, as the box was dark.

The next thing Dexter and I know, is that we were inside her bathroom. She’d placed a bowl of food in there along with a makeshift bed inside yet another box—what did the human do with all these boxes? She certainly couldn’t fit in it… humans are such weird animals. Anyway, she left us in the bathroom so we could get settled and not bother the old grumpy cat named Salem. Dexter and I settled in nicely and waited to see what she was going to do with us. Personally, I wanted to get rid of Dexter, the interloper. So I started working on getting Salem to bring me the human’s tablet. That’s the main thing I’m jealous of humans for, opposable thumbs… opening doors is tricky without those accursed thumbs. Well any who, I got the grumpy kitty to bring me the human’s tablet and put Dexter’s picture on Craig’s list.

The human’s name, it turns out, is Lene—which means I guess I have to stop calling her “the pink one” now. Over the next several days, I kept up my cute and cuddly routine and convinced Dexter to keep the scared and hissing act. Which worked very well for me as she fell deeply and madly in love with me, whilst still searched for a home for Dexter… all according to my plans. MAWHAHAHA. Finally Dexter found a home with one of her ten friends named Monica….apparently this is normal for humans to do—collecting friends with the same name that is—maybe they have to change their names to be friends with each other? Is that how come there are so many people with the name Bob?

******** I’m finally settled in with my new pet human. Her “grumpy old man,” as she calls Salem, has learned that he is better off playing with me and once I’m done, I’ll let him sleep. I don’t mind one other cat really, but that Dexter was too cute and would make Lene loose her focus on me—which lets face is a tragic situation; I’m way too awesome to be ignored. I’ve got my human trained to do my bidding mostly, though she still is fighting me with her scrapbooking supplies… why won’t she let me play with her ribbons? The weirdo glues them down onto paper! I’ve never heard of such a bizarre thing in my life. But it gets worse, she takes her lovely yarn and puts it into these knots she calls crochet. I guess no matter how long I live with her, there will be some things I just won’t ever understand. Despite these quirks, I’m a content little kitten in my new family, and that’s the entire point of adopting a human after all. I hope she’s just as happy as I am.

Story by Raven

Overlay by Alpha

Profile coding/graphics by Athene