Archbishop has a minion!

Listen to the Wintersong

It's getting darker. I can hear the wind howl and the thunder roll, heavy rain is pouring down. My time has come and I have accepted it so it's time to finally confess.

Since I can remember I felt this closeness to God and the church and it didn't take me much thinking before I knew which way in life I wanted to follow. And yes, I was happy that way for many decades, you can even say it was the very essence of my life. During all these years I met a lot of people, visited countless different countries, saw joy and sorrow, the rich and the poor - every facet of human existence.

What exactly changed I cannot say anymore, not even if it happened out of a sudden or as a slow, gradual process; in my position you don't have much time to think about yourself. Nevertheless I one day noticed the most horrible thing that ever happened to me and that I still fail to fully fathom - I have lost my faith, my connection to God. In the past, whenever I prayed, I had this feeling that He was close to me, listening and guiding me through life. Now there is nothing but silence. Painful and torturing silence. It doesn't matter if I scream, beg or cry, the silence is omniferous, numbing, overwhelming and I have never felt so naked and lonely in my life.

This feeling of loneliness even made me question the core of my existence. Did I choose the right path or was I just blinded by my love of God? I confess, He wasn't the only one I loved. There was someone else, long ago, in the town of my birth. A different kind of love of course but still there were brief moments where I was close to sacrifice it all for him. I never told him though and it's too late to turn back now but lately it seems like I can see and feel him everywhere. Singing birds and a soft summer breeze.

I feel that I don't have much time left so let me finish this confession. I won't lie, I'm shivering whith fear right now because I have no idea where my next journey is going to lead me. I used to be sure about it but now nothing's as it used to be. Whoever gets to listen to this, please don't judge me too hard, after all it wasn't me who has made this decision. I am sure that I was abandoned by Him and if that makes a horrible person of me then so be it, I have no strength to fight and pretend anymore.

My name used to be Luis Xavier Rojas but in the end I am no one.

Lyrics: Milow (The Priest)