The Voice has a minion!

Khoshekh the Bogfire Spook

The desert is calling you. The desert knows your phone number. Answer your phone, answer the desert. Welcome to Night Vale!

Listeners! It appears a new bookshop has opened at the corner of Ouroboros Road and Wormwood Avenue. The proprietor appears to be a man-shaped being with curly blond hair and a rather large pet snake. More on this new business in a moment, but first traffic.

Facts can prove anything you want them to prove. No one can agree on the traffic. Best you find out for yourself.

It seems that the new shop on Ouroboros has already begun to draw a crowd, despite not even being open yet. Many gathered are shouting, "Interloper!" in a friendly welcome, though it seems one or two in the crowd are glaring scornfully through the windows. On a lighter note, it's time for the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!

To the west there are the highest highs, and to the east there are the lows. The up top is where the bluebirds go, and the witching happens down below. This has been the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

According to on site witnesses, the angry citizens seem to be starting to outnumber the merely curious. In other news, Old Woman Josie is posting a $5 reward for information on Erika's whereabouts. It seems the winged collective have not been seen since late last night. If anyone has any information, please yell it into the nearest scrubbrush and it will reach Josie. And hey, you can spend that sweet reward at today's sponsor, Wal-Mart:
Look around you: Mart.
Look inside you: Mart.
Go to sleep: Mart.
Believe in a smiling god.
Wal-Mart. It is everything.

And now a look at this week's Community Calendar:

Sunday, the A.Z. Fell and Co. bookshop is slated to open at -- well that can't be right. The grand opening of Mr. Fell's shop is apparently at 2:37 A.M. Weird!
Monday has been canceled, rescheduling will be announced eventually, but it's not looking too good.
Tuesday is a holiday. Make sure you have adequate emergency supplies and plenty of clear plastic sheeting. We're not sure which holiday it is, so have all possible antidotes on hand.
Wednesday, the surprise party for you-know-who at you-know-where has been pushed back to 7:45 due to someone not being able to hide properly, Steve! Please dress accordingly!
Thursday night All lanes of Route 800 will be shut down in both directions as work crews stand in the middle of the empty, dark highway, repeating “Candyman!” three times, just so we can settle this thing once and for all!
Friday is Dot Day! Remember: red dots on what you love, blue dots on what you don't. Mixing those up can cause permanent consequences.
Saturday is amnesty day! All crimes reported to the spokesbeing at the Waffle House will be completely erased from your permanent record and will earn you a punch on your good citizen card. The sheriff's secret police will totally not be hanging out in the parking lot to arrest you before you make it inside.

Wow what a busy week! Lots of fun coming our way, but before it gets here, let's look at today's horoscopes:

Aries: Money doesn't grow on trees. Your progeny do. You're a tree now. We wish we knew which one. We miss you.
Taurus: Look in your heart for the answer. (The answer involves a whole lot of blood.)
Gemini: That little voice screaming in your head? It's there for a reason, listen to them, they're always right!
Cancer: You've been condemned to infinite lives.
Leo: What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 3 at night? This weird dog that needs a good home!
Virgo: If you believe in infinite possible universes, then there's a world where you don't have a wolf spider on your shirt right now
Libra: Put it right back where you found it! I don't care if it's got adorable hoofy woofies! Put. It. Back!
Scorpio: It's not to late! It's not too early, either! Time does not exist for you. Unfortunately, you are still immortal.
Sagittarius: Stop and smell the flowers. Nope those aren't real either. Where are you? What is this strange, lonely world? Hello?
Capricorn: Stop itching it. I think you’re just making it worse. Oooh, that color is definitely not good. You should have a doctor look at that. Doctors love to look at gross things.
Aquarius: Your dreams will be filled with prophetic visions. Write them down. Hopefully, there are some lottery numbers or sports scores in there!
Pisces: Ahahahahahaha, aahahahahahaha, aaahahahahahaha!

Listeners! It seems Erika has been found amongst the crowd outside of the new bookshop. They have begun shouting things such as "Traitor!" and "Demon lover!". This is no way to welcome new comers to tow...Aza? Azrael! Listeners I need to catch my assistant, so for now, I leave you with the weather!

I'm back dear listeners and do I have a tale to report. Even though I was only minutes behind her, Azrael easily beat me to the new shop. It was hard to miss her with that flaming sword of hers in hand. Instantly the bulk of the crowd backed away leaving only Erika and Az staring each other down.

"I suggest you follow suit," Aza growled.

"He's a traitor to our kind!" One of the Erikas protested.

"I Said Stand Down! These two have my protection in a way you lot can't. Now go home before you force my hand!" A black glow enveloped Aza as her wings burst forth.

And then they were gone, sent back to Josie's with their tails between their legs so to speak as Aza turned back to wave at the man-shaped being in the window, who waved back, before following me back to the station. Family quarrels, am I right?

Stay tuned next for the dulcet sounds of Death scream-singing lullabies, and good night Night Vale, good night.

Profile template by Lea
Welcome to Night Vale created by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor
Cecil's background from The Night Vale Wiki
Today's Weather is Sound of Silence by Pentatonix

Today's proverb: Pain is just weakness leaving the body, and then being replaced by pain. Lots of pain.

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