Muzzle
Legacy Name: Muzzle

Oh, hello.

. . .

Please don't come any closer, that's fine. Thank you. Sorry, I... I don't want to hurt anyone.

. . .

I wasn't always like this, you know... It-- it's for my own good. It's for my own good that, that I'm like this, now. It... I'm not saying it isn't, for my own good, or for everyone's safety, but I-- I'm just saying, I wasn't always like this. Oh...

You see, I have- I have a problem. It used to be that, I, um... See, I was always a little, clumsy, I guess. In every sense. Really good at making mistakes, if, if you wanna be positive about it. I was too tall for my own good, too big, depth perception wasn't great, I-- I would bump into things, or knock people over or, or break things, often. It was okay, you know, most people who knew me were... they were pretty nice about it. It was more than I deserved. There's only so many times you can let the same bull into your china shop. For most people, I think it should only be once, but... well, I guess I came off as a very well-meaning bull.

. . .

That wasn't true, though. It wasn't. It isn't. I'm--

. . .

. . .I'm a monster.

. . .

Once -- it feels so long ago -- but once, I was different. I was human. As human as they come. Too tall for my own good, too big, I would bump into things-- you know. But I thought, I-- I thought I was, um. Good. I thought I was... good. I'd get into trouble, sure. I'd step on some toes, but I would always apologize. I never meant harm. People knew it, too, they knew I was just being, uh... me. Just me.

It didn't take long in my life for me to learn that sometimes, I'm gonna end up hurting people. I never liked it, I never wanted to, or meant to, but it would happen. There were ugly feelings involved. Sometimes I'd just, I'd just get so mad at myself. I'd get so upset, and-- I, I never thought that would mean that I could hurt people more, I never--

...I never thought that would mean I could hurt people intentionally. I thought that was, just, something beyond me. I thought it was okay as, uh, as long as I was just mad at me, you know? As long as I could understand it was my own fault, and nobody else's. Wasn't really the, the type to, um... The type to take my feelings out on other people. At least, I didn't think so. I really, truly didn't.

. . .

As I got older, and the consequences for my actions grew in size and severity, my tolerance for myself and my mistakes shrank. I lost friendships. Relationships. People who meant something to me, um. They stopped having patience. Some of them, I should say, I-- most people, most people are still nice, but, there have been some who, who just, couldn't deal with it any longer. And I don't, I don't blame them, you know, nobody should be forced to deal with, with such a, uh... With someone so, so-- uh... Someone like me. Nobody should have to deal with so many, uh... mistakes. They lose their charm after a while, you know? If they were ever charming to begin with.

I started to hate myself. These things happen, I know they do. Accidents happen. Mistakes happen. You could be the most well-meaning person in the world, but, if you keep making the same mistakes, people start to lose their will to put themselves through it. It's... it's not their fault. They got tired, and, and frustrated, just like I did. I started to hate myself, and um... that's when the episodes started, if I can call them that. I hope that's not misleading.

It started with a little seed of anger. Frustration at myself, maybe a burning embarrassment at what I'd done, you know... Just the way it starts. The feeling would grow the more I thought about it. I guess it, it's my fault, too, that I would let myself get so worked up. I didn't know how to help it, I-- I still don't. So, the feeling would grow, and, I'd start feeling... different. A bad kind of different. My skin would burn, my limbs, my face-- my whole head would feel like it was warping with my anguish, and-- and I guess that's because it was.

. . .

I would change. Like, really change. I would turn into a monster. I would go-- go feral, and, and attack people, and the worst part-- the worst part of it! I had no idea it was happening! I would feel the pain, the desperation, the burning, I would feel the change, but I wouldn't know it. I wouldn't know it until I woke up in my home, the door still left open and thick, black hair scattered about me, and-- and, and the blood. Blood on my hands, my body, the floor, my, my... my mouth. I would wake up with the unforgettable tinge of iron in my mouth and I'd have to try hard not to vomit. I couldn't bear the implications. I couldn't bear knowing what I'd done, whatever I'd done.

. . .

It's okay if you'd like to take a step back. I would. I'm not safe. These-- these episodes, they just made me loathe myself all the more. After a while of this cycle, this ridiculous, cruel, eternally self-fueling cycle, I found myself unable to change back. Now, I just, I just look like this. Like this monster, lost somewhere between man and beast.

...I'm so thankful that I'm, um... here. Locked up. Muzzled. I don't know exactly who is responsible, but they've told me what I've done. They've told me what a danger I am, and I'm just so glad that everyone is safe now. I'm glad I can't make the same mistakes. Not again.

They're still studying me. I don't know if I'll ever be free from this place. I don't know if I even hope for it. This is where monsters belong.

This is... this is where I belong.

. . .