Requiem
Legacy Name: Requiem

Sin

I don't know how it happened. Or even when.
I was always one of those people who scoffed at stories of cheaters. I remember thinking "How could someone do that to their beloved?". It seemed like something only a monster was capable of.
And I never understood it.
But then she came into my life and my world changed.


I had been with Bell for 4 years and I had never experienced such bliss in my life. She was there for me, always quick with a joke to make me smile. I knew everything about her. I knew she loved to garden and eat tomatoes straight off the vine. I don't know if a tomato she grew ever actually entered our house. I knew she loved the sound of rain and the thrill of a thunderstorm, but that she hated being being rained on and had a strange fear of tornadoes.
She made my heart sing. Gave my life a peace I never knew was possible.
She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, without any shadow of a doubt.I knew what we had would last.
But there came a day, sometime in the spring I think, when I met a shy beautiful red-head named Tami.
I remember the first time I saw her, I didn't think anything of her. The only girl I ever truly saw was Bell.
We were at a party. We didn't even know the guy hosting it but somehow we ended up there through a friend of a friend. Tami was sitting in between some friends, sipping a beer, smiling gently. She looked utterly content.
I remember liking her hair. It was a light, almost faded, red. It was straight except for some curly strands that framed her face. I thought it was an interesting, pretty look.
Our eyes met once and she smiled at me. Startled, I smiled back.
After that, I didn't see her for the rest of the night and I didn't care.


Maybe 2 or 3 weeks later, I was walking home from the store when I saw her walking her dog across the street. I actually noticed the dog first. It was a sleek, muscular doberman. It just so happened that Tami was his owner.
Her lazy eyes met mine and I gave her an awkward "I'm not sure if you remember me" smile. I swear my heart jumped into my throat when she flashed a grin at me, as if I was a long lost friend.
She made a beeline right for me, barely even checking for cars before crossing.
"Hey, I remember you from Jim's party! How's it going?" she said in a sweet, naturally soft voice.
She radiated proverbial warmth.
Still shocked by her friendly reaction to me, I floundered.
"Oh but we haven't even really met have we?" she giggled, like chimes in a summer breeze. Holding out her hand she introduced herself as Tami O'Malley and then introduced her dog as Basil.
She struck up a laid-back conversation with me and I found myself relaxing in her sunny, calm presence. I don't even remember what we talked about, but I know she eventually invited me to get some coffee with her and I happily agreed.
As we sat down at an outside cafe table, I put my lone bag of groceries on the ground, knowing my frozen pizzas were probably completely thawed. But I didn't care.


After that day, life began to blur together. It was like I began leading two lives. One with Bell, a comfortable and reliable love. And one with Tami, an exciting and breathtaking love. Of course, I didn't admit I was in love with Tami at the time. But looking back, I see I was.
I should have gotten out of that friendship while I could but I was selfish.
I thought I could have both. After all, I loved Bell and Bell alone right? I wasn't a cheater.
Somewhere in the darkest dregs of my heart, I knew I was though.
I would meet up with Tami as often as I could, even for just a few minutes. I kept it a secret from Bell. That should have been a warning flag, but it was so easy to just convince myself we were just friends.
Sure, Tami and I would occasionally flirt with one another but it never lead anywhere. It was innocent.
Still, I can't deny that every day that passed, my attraction to her grew, both physically and emotionally.
And the worst part was that Tami thought I was single. She sprung the "so are you seeing anyone?" on me so suddenly that "nope, not really" was the first thing I vomited out. I was terrified that if Tami knew I was in a committed relationship that everything would change. There would be no more delicious sexual tension or seductive flirts.
The thought of losing that was devastating. I didn't want to lose that wonderful chemistry that breathed magic into my life.
I knew my world was beginning to spiral out of control, but I didn't care.

Of course, such a life of secrets could never last.
At the best and worst of times, Bell left the state to go visit her parents across country. Her flight left late and she was due to be gone for almost a week. It was a long time for her to leave and I would miss her, but someone had to stay and pay the bills. We were already tight on cash.I am ashamed to say that no more than a few hours after Bell left, I invited Tami over to the house.
I wasn't planning on taking our relationship anywhere. It just sort of happened.
We sat a little too close during the movie, tilted our faces just a touch too near, hands wandered a little too far, and the world shattered.
And I was a cheater.
I did the unthinkable with this radiant, charming and soft-spoken woman.
We were both sated and falling asleep by the time the slam of the front door awoke us. I later learned that Bell's flight had been delayed for several hours and then canceled due to icy conditions. To this day I have no idea why she didn't call me to let me know she was coming home early.
My darling innocent Bell called out to me questioningly, and I savored the last happy moment I would have before the bedroom door swung open.
In the moments, minutes, that ensued, heartbreak filled the room and choked off my senses. Both women were in hysterics because I wasn't who they thought I was.
I was horrible. I was a liar and a cheater. I was the worst kind of person.
I was given 10 minutes to pack a bag and leave for good. I pleaded with my Bell, asking for forgiveness. Telling her how much I loved her because I did love her, no matter what terrible things I had done. My love for her never waned.
Her heart was in pieces and there was no forgiveness to be found and so I left because she deserved better.
And as I walked down the street with a black duffel bag slung over my shoulder, a void of endless damnation swallowed me whole.
But I didn't care.


So where am I now? Well, the short answer is Paris.
After doomsday, I spent a few lonely nights in a hotel a few blocks from Bell's house trying to decide what to do. I couldn't face my parents. I had friends but none that would let me crash in their homes for god knows how long. They had lives too.
I was on my own and that's how it should be. I deserved this hole in my chest.
After checking my online bank account for funds, I determined I wanted to get out of the country. For whatever reason, I chose France. I'd never been there and hell, it seemed as good a place as any. All I knew was that every restaurant, every stoplight and every blade of grass exuded memories here in our hometown. My rent soul pleaded for a complete change of scenery. The past was too alive here.
So I bought a plane ticket and off I went. No goodbyes, no looking back. Not because I didn't care but because the shame strangled my words.
When I arrived, it was raining and the world was gray.
It was perfect.
I spent two months hopping from one hotel to the next, riding a bike I had purchased as transportation. My money started to run shockingly low and the hotels got progressively cheaper and dirtier, until I realized I'd rather eat than have a roof over my head. Well, eat and drink booze. I had became a smart drunk. I never drank enough to get wasted.
Just enough to sleep through the nightmares.
When the money ran out, I ended up in Paris and found myself living amongst the other broken souls of the city. Under bridges, in alleys. I rarely stayed in one place.
My first homeless day, I found a hat in the dumpster and placed it sunny-side up on the sidewalk. I didn't do anything to earn the few cents I got each day because I didn't deserve the money. But I wasn't so much a fool as to forget I still needed to eat.
Often days I went hungry as I sat on my makeshift bed made out of newspaper and stained blankets, but I didn't care.