Blacklight Kumos
FAKENo longer am I having terrible nightmares which make me scream in my sleep, no longer do I have to experience the day which changed my life forever. No, recently I started dreaming nice things… mostly about Dawn. By thinking of Dawn I directly get reminded why today is my special free day.
I give up on going back to sleep and open my eyes again. This time the light is less irritating me, but it's still as bright as before. I yawn, stretch my arms and get out of my bed. Almost automatically I get myself dressed, while thoughts are going through my mind.
It was a long time ago, a long time ago that it happened. Maybe that's why I no longer have nightmares about it. Time is slowly healing my wounds. Though the pain will always stay inside my heart. No matter how much time passes.
When I'm dressed and made sure I have everything with me I went out. I know it's bad to skip breakfast, but at this time of the day I'm not hungry anyway. I'm walking fast, not so fast that you could call it running, but I'm clearly not taking an easy walk.
That is because it's my special free day today. Knowing that I'm going to see him in a short amount of time makes me a bit nervous. It's not like I've had a fight with him or anything, no contrary. It's just that the bond between us has become so strong. That must be because, only we can really understand each other. Daydreaming about Dawn, I didn't noticed that I already arrived. My feet automatically took me here, just like my hands automatically dressed me. Now that I'm here I'm looking around me expectantly. My eyes are searching for him, but they don't find him. Nervously I try looking around again, but again I don't find him. I feel how sadness is coming closer. He said we would meet in the park at 9 o'clock. Did he let me down? No, he would never do that. Dawn is just too sweet. Maybe this is the wrong park? No, I'm sure this is the right one. Maybe he overslept? No, Dawn isn't a person like that. Then I remember something. Quickly I look at my watch and I see that's 8 o'clock. A little 'Oh…' passes my lips and even though I feel a bit stupid, I'm really glad that my cause for concern was just my own fault. Now that I have an hour to wait for Dawn, I go sit down on a wooden bench in the park and relax. Again my thoughts lead to Dawn, my beloved brother. I really love him, but I'm not in love with him. No, only that thought makes me feel sick, he's just my brother. I noticed how slowly Dawn became an obsession for me. But what would you have expect from me after such a big loss? There was no one else I could share that loss with.
Suddenly I need it, I need to see it again. Quickly I take the lighter I always have with me out of my pocket. I take a deep breath and turn it on. Directly a little flame starts to live. As always I get hypnotized by the fire. When looking at fire I always feel like I'm experiencing that day all over again. The day our house catched on fire, the day the fire took my parents away. I'll never be able to look normal at fire again. The fire did this to me, the fire took everything I loved most, expect for my brother. It isn't really fair to say that about the fire though. It wasn't all his fault. No, it was the fault of that boy which started the fire. The boy with the white hair. I shake my head. I don't want to remember. I get back to staring at the fire. When suddenly my memories take over my brain and I feel like I'm choking, I decide it has been enough for today and put the lighter off. The little flame vanishes and I get back in reality.
Suddenly everything is dark. Hands are covering my eyes, but I still can see some light coming through the finger.
"Guess who," I hear a familiar voice say.
"Dawn!" I say happily.
He takes his hands back and comes sitting next to me.
"That's right, little bro. You've became good in guessing recently," he says with a big smile on his face.
"That's because you always do that. It isn't guessing anymore, I just know."
He laughs but slowly his smile vanishes while looking at the lighter in my hand.
"Thinking about mom and dad again, eh?" he asks.
I slowly nod and stare at the ground, as if he catched me on doing something I'm not supposed to do. An awkward silence falls.
"You know that none of that was your fault right? There was no way you could have saved them. It was just their fate," he tries to comfort me.
I always disagreed with him about fate. I don't think it was fate, it was all the fault of that boy. I refuse to believe it was fate, because that would have mend that God or whoever is up there thought it would have been the best to take my parents away. My parents did nothing wrong… nothing. But because we had this conversation many times before and I know I can't change the things my brother believes in anyway, I just give in.
"Yes, I know. But it's okay to feel sad about it, right?" I almost whisper.
"Of course it is!" he says.
Again a silence fall, but is now broken faster. He takes the lighter out of my hand and throw it right into the trash bin. A bit overwhelmed I stare at the trash bin.
"I think that's enough sorrow for today. Who wants some ice cream?" my brother says happily. I get a smile on my face and nod happily. Maybe I wasn't hungry one hour ago, but now I sure am.
"I want one with-" I get interrupted my Dawn.
"Strawberry and vanilla. I know, I know."
Cheerful we are walking towards the ice cream cart. I look up at the sky and see how two white birds are flying to their nest. It's like a sign, as sign from my parents. Before my brother can see it I quickly wipe the tears in the corners of my eyes away. Thank you mom and dad.
Thank you…
Art
