Woody
Legacy Name: Pitted

My brother Sonnet thinks heavy chewing is puppy stuff. He can't understand the thrill of working your mouth over every new item you encounter, testing the limits and figuring out what materials will yield to tooth and claw and which ones are better left alone.

(He's also kind of a cry-puppy since he got ahold of that stinging worm when we were both eight weeks old. You'd think he stumbled into a whole nest of bees, the way he carried on.)

Wood's my personal favorite chewing material. A really skilled chewer doesn't have to worry about slivers because he knows to gnaw with the grain of the wood, not against it. Sticks were put on this planet especially for us dogs. They're just the right size and the ones with the little nubby knobs give your gums a gentle massage that's almost as good as a scratch behind the ears.

Plastic is alright if it isn't the weak, soft stuff. There's nothing fun about a puppy toy that falls apart after one good bite. It's got to take plenty of good crunches and still keep its shape. The round black tire toys are my personal favorite, though the bounce-bounce tubes filled with peanut butter are a great way to spend a lazy afternoon. I felt like a conquering hero the day I caught the not-a-snake-green-water-squirt. That thing was always chasing my humans around the yard and threatening them with really cold water. I taught that reptile impostor not to mess with me!

What do you mean BAD dog? I'm protecting you, silly!

Metal is something you definitely should not chew. It tastes really bad and the taste will stay with you all day, even if you drink half your water bowl. When I was young and dumb...

(Stop laughing at me, Sonnet! And what do you mean, dumber? Okay, so I did get my head stuck in the fence but it was only the one time...)

Anyways, like I was saying...

I had myself convinced I could chew through anything. I angled my jaw and bit down just where the fence was weakest from all the times I'd leaned my super-strong-power-dog body against it. All I got from my masterful biting calculations was a mouth full of YUCK!

(I know you told me it was a bad idea, Sonnet. I swear, if you interrupt my story one more time, I'm coming over there and fluffing you up!)

Grass makes a good chew-thing if you're really bored or just trying to figure out how a rabbit's brain works. It can fill the gaps left by humans who never bring enough dog food. What do you mean a heaping bowlful is plenty? Clearly, you don't understand the incredible calorie needs of a dog as mighty as I am.

A word to the wise: don't chew on anything attached to your human. I got ahold of my human's not-fur one time and put holes in it. It's not that I'm afraid of my human. It's just...well...she growls really well for something on two legs.

If it's a hot day and chewing is too much effort, you can always turn your attention to digging. That's my other great passion in life.

Cool dirt feels so good between my claws. Sometimes, if I'm fast and sneaky enough, I can break out of the dog run before my humans notice and go exploring all over the neighborhood.

Why can't the humans come join me in the dirt instead of filling my beautiful holes with big, ugly rocks? If they brought in the rumble with the huge digging paw, they could make a hole big enough for our whole family to have a nice nap in the shade.

(Yes, even Sonnet. As long as he doesn't flop right next to me and get his nasty dog breath in my face.)

Okay...I know you're just dying to know what makes the best chew. The answer is bones, of course! Meaty ones are the best but anything that'll hold up to these power jaws for more than fifteen minutes gets four paws up from me.

Just don't let your fuzz-headed brother get anywhere near your prize or the only thing you'll be chewing is air.