The Glacier Magnus
Age: 1 year, 10 months, 1 week
Born: March 12th, 2015
Adopted: 1 year, 10 months, 1 week ago
Adopted: March 12th, 2015
- Level: 1
- Strength: 10
- Defense: 10
- Speed: 10
- Health: 10
- HP: 10/10
- Intelligence: 0
- Books Read: 0
- Food Eaten: 0
- Job: Unemployed
It is not portrayed like how it is in movies. You don't instantly find a cure by falling in love (if you even can fall in love). Your best friends are not your saviors, just a support system. And sometimes, a system can fail. Recovery is something YOU have to do. Something you have to CHOOSE to do. Which is the hardest thing of them all.
Because chances are, you WON'T want to. You can be sick, dying, so far from who you once were... it doesn't matter. It feels like you're trapped in memory of the event. Even the small things can bring you back, making you panic or cry or even just.... feel like you don't exist. You're stuck in this endless darkness made of all these awful events and you're suffocating. You KNOW you're suffocating. But you still can't force yourself to run. It feels as if you're in one of those dreams where you're in quicksand. You try to run and run, but nothing happens. You don't move.
The worst part, in my honest opinion, is your moments of clarity. Those moments where you know that you shouldn't be acting like this. It's normal to have someone try to hug you or even accidentally bump into you. You feel like such a failure, so weak and pathetic. You think about it. Ending it. You promise your friends and family you wouldn't, but they don't know how you feel. How you want to do nothing but sleep and hope you don't wake up.
It's the violation of my trust that hurt me the most. When she... put her hands on me. I begged her not to. She did it anyway. She was the love of my life. I felt like I would always be there to protect her. But ever since that day, I felt small. Vulnerable. Unimportant. Just an object. After the urging of my friends, I was dragged to therapy. Given a diagnosis. Given pills.
I could swallow them all in one gulp. That's what I told myself a million times. But then I just. remembered Jaysen and Aaron and how they would feel. I could only imagine my sister. I couldn't. I couldn't. I just. couldn't. That would mean my demons won. That would mean she won. And so I refused. I forced myself to continue therapy. I forced myself to go on more outing with my friends.
The road to recovery is hard. Sometimes I still get flashbacks. I sometimes still wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I still hate to be touched. I still don't believe I'll ever be whole or happy again. But I'm slowly beginning to get better. I'm tired, but I won't give up.
Be patient with me, I can still finish strong.
Ziaran Pill Box