Bloodred Blob
Balloon
Hello hello, I'm Jan Valentine! Baddest, toughest, most awesome vampire ever!
And I'm Luke Valentine.
No relation. ...Haha actually we're brothers! Wouldn't know it to look at us, would you? But yeah, I'm the little brother, and Luke here's my big bro!
Idiot. If you're the younger brother, then obviously, I'm the older one.
You're also a know-it-all, sarcastic jerk!
Hmph. Anyway. I'm sure you're wondering where you are.
Which is just fine, 'cause we don't know either! We both used to be human just like you, see, but then we got these chips put in us that made us vampires, and we were s'posed to live for-freakin'-ever, but we both died anyway, and then BOOM, here we were! ...So I guess this is Heaven or something. 'Cept everything's all weird and there's no angels or anybody else here but us - well, and you now - and--
Jan... shut up. You're not making any sense.
Okay, fine, you explain it then!
To start over - coherently, this time - we really were humans to begin with, like Jan said. We grew up in poverty, living on the streets most of the time... just the two of us, since we didn't have any family. I did my best to take care of Jan and raise him, but I still didn't do a very good job. I mean, just look at him.
Hey! That's not true!
...All right, I'm sorry. You're not completely terrible.
No, I ain't talking about that. I meant, it's not true that you didn't do a good job taking care of me! You were still a kid too, bro, so yeah, you did the best you could. And your best was good! You always made sure I had something to eat, one way or another, even if it meant you didn't get enough. And you've always watched out for me and protected me - you still do. You are a know-it-all, sarcastic jerk, but you're still the best big bro ever, too.
...Jan...
Well, Mr. "I'm Gonna Explain It All Coherently"? Ain't you gonna finish?
...Right. Anyhow, we were human until we got recruited to join an organization called Millennium. They promised that in exchange for our loyalty, they would turn us into vampires - not through another vampire's bite, but by cybernetic chips they would implant in us. I don't understand the science behind it--
Whoooooa, Luke just admitted there's something he don't understand! That's a first!
--but basically, we would become what's called "artificial vampires," invulnerable creatures with superhuman abilities. Besides both of us being able to regenerate from injuries like bullet wounds, I gained the ability of super speed, and Jan gained extreme agility. Millennium also offered to provide us with food, shelter, and very large paychecks... so we agreed. I knew that no one could really live forever, but I believed we'd live a very long time, with all the things I couldn't give Jan when we were growing up. And I believed we'd always be together.
But it was all lies. We were both killed on a mission not too long after we were turned... and we died apart. Alone. Jan was incinerated by Millennium for failing our mission, and I got eaten by a monstrous dog that was another vampire's familiar. My last conscious thought was that I'd never see my little brother again.
Bro...
...Uh, but yeah! Luke got eaten by a doggy, and I got burned to a crisp!
But then... we both woke up here, perfectly fine! Just... y'know, dead. Like I said, we don't really know where "here" is, but it don't matter 'cause we're together again. And this time we really will be together forever. Right, bro?
Right. I wouldn't call this Heaven, precisely, because things aren't perfect. We can still hurt each other when we get in fights - and we get in fights a lot - and it's kind of creepy around here. Everything has a face. The stupid clouds and sun smile at me all the time.
For real, it's like a freakin' Super Mario game or something, where everything's got eyes! The sun, the clouds, the hills... But only the things, 'cause like I said, there ain't no people around except for us. Occasionally, someone like you will wander by, but no one else ever comes to stay.
I don't know if this is limbo or purgatory or what, just that it's some kind of afterlife. It's not Heaven... but I know it's not Hell, either. If it were Hell, I'd be here alone. Without my brother.
...Yeah. Same.
We can leave this place for short periods of time. I enjoy traveling since I didn't get to do much of it when I was alive.
I mostly just stay here and wait for Luke to come home. The real world sucks so hard, why would I wanna go back there? I got everything I could ever need or want, right here.
We can't stay away for long, anyway. We always end up returning here somehow, no matter where we go... but I suppose that's just as well. There's no one here trying to eat us or set us on fire or otherwise kill us, and like Jan said, we have everything we need.
You, though... you're probably more than ready for me to show you the way out of here. I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of eternity listening to Jan's blathering like I have to.
Whatever, bro. But yeah, nice to meet you and all that. You ever get bored and wanna hang, you know where to find us! Not like we got anything better to do except fight each other. Or yell at the sun. It really does smile all the freakin' time.
Have a safe return journey to the real world. As Jan said, should you ever find your way back to this place, we'll be here. Likely fighting about something... but spending eternity together, even if we're bickering most of the time, is better than spending it apart.
Ghini
